You and some of your friends want to start a weekly dance club, and you have found a hall that would be suitable to hold your meetings. Write a letter to the owner of the hall. In your letter: - explain the dance project - ask if it is possible to rent the hall and under what terms - state what day and times you would like to use the hall
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Mike Gregory and I am writing this letter to enquire about the possibility of renting your hall for the purpose of holding some meetings for our dance club.
We will hold these meetings mainly to discuss a dance project that we want to successfully complete before the arrival of our national youth day so that the young artists, taking part in this dance project, can learn about their individual roles and responsibilities in the project. Again, please do not think that we want to rent your hall to actually practice dancing, rather we want it only to discuss how best we can organize and complete our upcoming dance project. By the way, we would like to use it only during the weekends from 5:00 pm to 9:00 pm for about 6 continuous weeks, and the meetings will be attended by about 15 to 20 people, each time.
So, based on the information above, I was just wondering if you could rent us the hall, and should you choose to do so, please specify the terms and conditions upon which we both can agree.
Yours faithfully,
Mike Gregory
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove needless wording Original: writing this letter Suggested revision: writing Why it matters: “This letter” is redundant because the medium is already clear.
- 2. State the purpose directly Original: for the purpose of holding some meetings Suggested revision: to hold weekly meetings Why it matters: This concise phrase also makes the intended frequency explicit.
- 3. Introduce the schedule clearly Original: By the way Suggested revision: Regarding the schedule Why it matters: This transition directly signals the move to the requested day and time details.
- 4. Correct the time phrase Original: during the weekends Suggested revision: at weekends Why it matters: “At weekends” is the natural British English expression for recurring weekend use.
- 5. Use the right collocation Original: 6 continuous weeks Suggested revision: six consecutive weeks Why it matters: “Consecutive weeks” correctly describes an uninterrupted sequence of weeks.
- 6. Remove the comma Original: people, each time Suggested revision: people each time Why it matters: No comma should separate the attendance figure from the phrase that qualifies it.
- 7. Remove the self-introduction Original: My name is Mike Gregory and Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The signed name already identifies the writer, so this opening can begin directly with the enquiry.
- 8. Place the adverb clearly Original: to successfully complete Suggested revision: to complete successfully Why it matters: Placing the adverb after the verb creates a more natural formal phrase.
- 9. Capitalise the event name Original: national youth day Suggested revision: National Youth Day Why it matters: The name of the event is a proper noun and requires capital letters.
- 10. Remove the first comma Original: young artists, taking Suggested revision: young artists taking Why it matters: The participial phrase identifies which artists are meant, so it should not be separated by a comma.
- 11. Remove the second comma Original: this dance project, Suggested revision: this dance project Why it matters: A defining participial phrase should not have a closing comma when it has no opening comma.
- 12. Use concise British English Original: actually practice dancing Suggested revision: practise dancing Why it matters: This removes the unnecessary intensifier and uses the British verb spelling consistently.
Suggested Rewrites
- writing this letter writing
- for the purpose of holding some meetings to hold weekly meetings
- By the way Regarding the schedule
- during the weekends at weekends
- 6 continuous weeks six consecutive weeks
- people, each time people each time
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter explains the youth dance project, provides evening hours, duration, and attendance numbers, and politely asks about rental terms. Its strongest feature is the practical detail supporting the hall request. However, the intended use is confusing because a weekly dance club is described as discussion-only, and 'weekends' does not identify the requested day. Prioritise a clear project purpose and specify an exact weekly day and rental schedule.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The project, rental enquiry, terms, time range, duration, and group size are covered, but the purpose is inconsistent and the requested day is unspecified.
State a specific schedule such as every Saturday from 5 to 9 p.m. for six weeks and clarify whether the hall is for rehearsals, planning, or both.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphs frame the request and terms, though the central paragraph is long and repeats the phrase 'dance project'.
Separate the project explanation from the proposed schedule and attendance details, reducing defensive clarification about not practising.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for a formal rental request, but repetition and several wordy expressions reduce precision.
Use 'before National Youth Day', 'rehearsal or planning sessions', 'six consecutive weeks', and 'rental conditions'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is mostly accurate, with occasional punctuation and clause-linking problems.
Replace the comma splice before 'rather' with two clear clauses and remove unnecessary commas around 'taking part in this project'.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You and some of your friends want to start a weekly dance club, and you have found a hall that would be suitable to hold your meetings. Write a letter to the owner of the hall. In your letter:
- explain the dance project
- ask if it is possible to rent the hall and under what terms
- state what day and times you would like to use the hall
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.