You have recently moved to a new neighbourhood and would like to join a sports centre there. You have found a private sports club. Write a letter to the manager of the sports club. In your letter: - introduce yourself - say why are you interested in this sports club - ask some questions about the club e.g facilities, membership, costs etc.
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Carl Puran, and I have recently moved to the neighbourhood of Old Spandau. I am writing this letter to get some information about your sports centre.
I have been either a member of a sports club or gym wherever I have lived because you can say, I am very health conscious. So, after moving into this new neighbourhood, naturally, I felt the need to join a sports club or gym; and then found out about your sports club which is located very near where I live. Apart from this convenient distance, I would like to join your club also because the majority of the members of this club are of my age, or at least, that is what I have heard. So it would be easier for me to relate to them or befriend a few of them. But, most importantly, your sports club remains open during the weekends also when I usually have more time to enjoy the club activities.
But, before I join your club, I have a couple of questions. Does the club have any children’s playground since I would bring my child with me also, sometimes? And, how much is the cost of membership?
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours faithfully,
Carl Puran
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: writing this letter Suggested revision: writing Why it matters: The context already makes clear that the response is a letter.
- 2. Use formal request verb Original: get some information Suggested revision: request information Why it matters: “Request information” is more concise and formal.
- 3. Use correct movement preposition Original: into Suggested revision: to Why it matters: People move to a neighbourhood rather than into it.
- 4. Remove incorrect semicolon Original: gym; and then Suggested revision: gym and then Why it matters: A semicolon should not separate coordinated verb phrases joined by “and.”
- 5. Use concise location phrase Original: located very near where I live Suggested revision: located close to my home Why it matters: The replacement expresses the location more directly.
- 6. Use correct location noun Original: distance Suggested revision: location Why it matters: A place is convenient because of its location, not because the distance itself is convenient.
- 7. Place adverb naturally Original: join your club also Suggested revision: also join your club Why it matters: “Also” normally appears before the main verb it modifies.
- 8. Avoid repeated club noun Original: members of this club Suggested revision: its members Why it matters: The possessive pronoun avoids unnecessary repetition.
- 9. Use natural age phrase Original: of Suggested revision: around Why it matters: “Around my age” is the idiomatic expression for a similar age group.
- 10. Remove misplaced comma Original: or at least, that Suggested revision: or at least that Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the reporting phrase from its clause.
- 11. Streamline transition Original: But, most importantly Suggested revision: Most importantly Why it matters: The transition does not need both “But” and an interrupting comma.
- 12. Use natural time phrase Original: during the weekends also Suggested revision: at weekends Why it matters: “At weekends” is the standard British English expression in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- writing this letter writing
- get some information request information
- into to
- gym; and then gym and then
- located very near where I live located close to my home
- distance location
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter has a clear purpose, introduces the writer effectively, gives several well-developed reasons for choosing the club, and asks relevant questions about facilities and membership cost. Its main limitation is some conversational repetition and awkward word order in an otherwise appropriate formal enquiry; the highest-priority improvement is to condense the long motivation paragraph and formulate the final questions in more polished business-letter language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are fully addressed with relevant personal context, detailed reasons for interest, and clear questions about a children's facility and membership cost.
Add one concise question about membership terms or available activities to make the information request even more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter is clearly paragraphised and progresses from introduction through motivation to questions, though the middle paragraph is somewhat long and repetitive.
Condense the reasons for joining into two focused points: convenient access and suitability of the club's community and opening hours.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary conveys motivation and social considerations, but expressions such as "you can say" and repeated uses of "also" are less natural.
Use more precise formal wording, for example "I have always been health-conscious" and "The weekend opening hours are particularly convenient."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are generally controlled and meaning is consistently clear, with occasional problems in parallel structure, punctuation, and adverb placement.
Revise forms such as "a member of either a sports club or a gym" and place "also" before the main verb where appropriate.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You have recently moved to a new neighbourhood and would like to join a sports centre there. You have found a private sports club. Write a letter to the manager of the sports club. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- say why are you interested in this sports club
- ask some questions about the club e.g facilities, membership, costs etc.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.