You are organising a trip to Tenby in the United Kingdom for a group of students from Brighton. Write to Mr Abraham, the Tour Manager of an organisation that arranges trips to Tenby. In your letter: - say when you want to visit - say how long you will stay - say how many students are in your group - describe the accommodation you will require
Sample Response
Dear Mr Abraham, I am Henry Brown, a teacher from the Brighton Scholar's School, United Kingdom, and writing to inquire about the accommodation facilities you offer as we are planning a trip to Tenby soon. According to our previous email correspondence, I would like to inform you that we are a team of 18 members, including three teachers, and would be staying in Tenby between 12th and 18th June 2019. I would request you to inform me about the availability of your rooms and the type of service you offer. Those rooms should be on the same floor and with heating facilities. Our budget is moderate and would like to know the facilities you offer, like breakfast, tour guide and vehicles within the price. Since this is an educational expedition, we will mostly stay out and this is why the security of our belongings is a concern for us. I hope your lodge can ensure that. Please let me know about the reservation and payment process so that we can book our rooms ell in advance. Any other tips for us? Please feel free to mention. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you in advance for your cooperation. Sincerely yours, Henry Brown
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural reference Original: According to our previous email correspondence Suggested revision: Following our previous email correspondence Why it matters: “Following” refers to the earlier exchange more naturally than “according to.”
- 2. Use suitable group term Original: team of 18 members Suggested revision: group of 18 people Why it matters: “Group” is the natural term for students and teachers travelling together.
- 3. Use plural form Original: type of service you offer Suggested revision: types of services you offer Why it matters: The later list asks about several services, so both nouns should be plural.
- 4. Add missing subject Original: and would like to know Suggested revision: and I would like to know Why it matters: The second coordinated clause needs its own subject because the first subject is “budget.”
- 5. Clarify included services Original: like breakfast, tour guide and vehicles Suggested revision: such as breakfast, a tour guide, and transport Why it matters: The revision uses an appropriate example marker, adds the article, and names the transport service naturally.
- 6. Fix price collocation Original: within the price Suggested revision: included in the price Why it matters: Services are conventionally described as being “included in the price.”
- 7. Correct spelling Original: ell Suggested revision: well Why it matters: The adverb “well” is missing its initial letter.
- 8. Use standard sign-off Original: Sincerely yours Suggested revision: Yours sincerely Why it matters: “Yours sincerely” is the conventional British sign-off when the recipient is named.
- 9. Use definite future Original: would Suggested revision: will Why it matters: The confirmed travel dates call for the future form rather than a conditional form.
- 10. Make request natural Original: I would request you to inform me Suggested revision: Could you please inform me Why it matters: The question form makes the formal request more natural and concise.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: availability of your rooms Suggested revision: room availability Why it matters: The compact noun phrase expresses the same request clearly.
- 12. Improve reference Original: Those Suggested revision: The Why it matters: The definite article refers back to the rooms just mentioned more naturally than “those.”
Suggested Rewrites
- According to our previous email correspondence Following our previous email correspondence
- team of 18 members group of 18 people
- type of service you offer types of services you offer
- and would like to know and I would like to know
- like breakfast, tour guide and vehicles such as breakfast, a tour guide, and transport
- within the price included in the price
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter communicates the trip dates, group size, and accommodation needs clearly, with relevant detail about budget, facilities, and security. Its main limitation is linguistic and structural: the whole message is presented as one paragraph, and several sentences contain missing subjects or awkward service-related wording. Prioritise clear paragraphing and complete, direct request sentences to strengthen the professional tone.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all four bullet points are fully covered, and the accommodation requirements are developed in useful detail.
State the exact number of nights explicitly and trim peripheral requests so the booking information remains the central focus.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a sensible sequence from trip details to room needs and booking arrangements, but one-paragraph presentation limits clarity.
Use separate paragraphs for the purpose and dates, accommodation requirements, additional services, and closing request.
Lexical Resource
The letter uses a good range of relevant travel and accommodation vocabulary, although a few collocations and one spelling error reduce polish.
Use precise phrases such as 'a group of 18', 'transport services included in the price', and 'well in advance'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied sentence forms are generally controlled, but missing subjects and awkward coordination occur in several places.
Add the required subject in clauses such as 'I am writing' and 'we would like to know', then simplify overloaded sentences.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are organising a trip to Tenby in the United Kingdom for a group of students from Brighton. Write to Mr Abraham, the Tour Manager of an organisation that arranges trips to Tenby. In your letter:
- say when you want to visit
- say how long you will stay
- say how many students are in your group
- describe the accommodation you will require
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.