Today there is a great increase in antisocial behaviour and lack of respect to others. What are the causes of this? What measures can be taken to reduce this problem？
Sample Response
The pervading instances of apathy and vitriolic behaviour amongst each other have been a menace to society for a long time and that continues to grow even today. The possible causes and remedies have been touched upon in this essay.
The major reason and foundational cause of it are born with the way one’s upbringing is subjected to, at large. The seed of rancour often germinates in childhood itself. Reports have suggested that children brought up in a toxic environment and violent households are twice as much imperilled to grow as individuals which may by the conventional definitions and boundaries, be called as having anti-social tendencies. Similarly, being subjected to bully or snide remarks all through the process of being grownup have reportedly been suggestive of laying the baselines of rancorous demeanours and hence, asocial personalities. Another major reason could be reckless parenting, where children are often inclined towards learning what they discern from extrinsic factors including peer pressure. Then, the notorious and most pronounced cause, the unregulated graphic contents majority of the people, primarily children are seen to be persuaded by.
The possible remedies and preventive measures that could be taken in this regard shall be good and meticulous parenting. As is also said, “Childhood shows the man as the morning shows the day”, the early years of a person should be assiduously catered to. In schools and colleges, it is of prime importance to monitor the activities and be alert and cautious to any actions suggestive of discrimination or suppression. They should be handled strictly and apposite actions should be taken likewise. Workplaces likewise should be diligent enough in taking into notice such episodes of apathy and culprits should be dealt with with the rightful actions. Internal whistleblowers, anti-bullying squad and other associations likewise could be of immense help. Overlooking these matters and avoiding the same generally en route to something grave and hence, should be spoken out and reported as whatever the case may be.
Conclusively, the scourge of antisocial behaviour could only be contained when these issues are not slipped under the rag of trivial matters.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the relationship Original: instances of apathy and vitriolic behaviour amongst each other Suggested revision: apathy and vitriolic behaviour towards others Why it matters: “Amongst each other” does not clearly identify who receives the hostile behaviour.
- 2. Fix pronoun agreement Original: and that continues to grow Suggested revision: and they continue to grow Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural subject “instances.”
- 3. Repair clause structure Original: reason and foundational cause of it are born with Suggested revision: foundational cause lies in Why it matters: The original subject, verb, and preposition do not form a grammatical clause.
- 4. Use correct construction Original: one’s upbringing is subjected to Suggested revision: one is brought up Why it matters: A person can be subjected to conditions, but an upbringing cannot be “subjected to” a way.
- 5. Use comparison naturally Original: twice as much imperilled Suggested revision: twice as likely Why it matters: “Twice as likely” is the natural expression for this comparison of probability.
- 6. Use human relative pronoun Original: which Suggested revision: who Why it matters: Use “who” rather than “which” to refer to people.
- 7. Correct verb pattern Original: called Suggested revision: described Why it matters: “Called as having” is not a natural English verb pattern in this context.
- 8. Use noun form Original: bully Suggested revision: bullying Why it matters: The preposition “to” requires the noun or gerund “bullying” here.
- 9. Use correct expression Original: being grownup Suggested revision: growing up Why it matters: “Growing up” names the process of moving through childhood.
- 10. Fix agreement and form Original: have reportedly been suggestive Suggested revision: has reportedly been shown Why it matters: The gerund phrase is singular, and “has been shown” forms a grammatical predicate.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: laying the baselines of Suggested revision: laying the foundations for Why it matters: “Lay the foundations for” is the appropriate collocation for establishing later behaviour.
- 12. Clarify observed learning Original: learning what they discern Suggested revision: learning from what they observe Why it matters: The revision clearly expresses that children copy behaviour they see around them.
Suggested Rewrites
- instances of apathy and vitriolic behaviour amongst each other apathy and vitriolic behaviour towards others
- and that continues to grow and they continue to grow
- reason and foundational cause of it are born with foundational cause lies in
- one’s upbringing is subjected to one is brought up
- twice as much imperilled twice as likely
- which who
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay responds to both parts of the task with a broad set of relevant causes and practical measures, organized into a clear problem-solution structure. Its main weakness is an overly elaborate style that creates awkward, imprecise phrasing and occasionally obscures otherwise sound ideas. Prioritize expressing each cause and remedy in direct language, then support it with a clearly linked explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and measures are addressed with relevant ideas, though some points are asserted vaguely or left only partly explained.
Develop fewer points more fully by showing exactly how each cause produces antisocial behaviour and how each measure would reduce it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The causes and solutions are organized logically, but long, densely packed sentences and vague references sometimes interrupt progression.
Give each paragraph a focused internal sequence and replace unclear references such as it, they, and the same with precise nouns.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a wide vocabulary, but frequent unnatural collocations and overformal word choices reduce accuracy and clarity.
Prefer direct, idiomatic wording and verify collocations instead of selecting elaborate terms whose meanings do not fit the context precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used frequently, but agreement errors, fragments, and awkward clause construction occur often despite generally clear meaning.
Shorten overloaded sentences and check that every clause has a grammatical subject, verb, and clearly related modifier.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Today there is a great increase in antisocial behaviour and lack of respect to others. What are the causes of this? What measures can be taken to reduce this problem？
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.