An increase in production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes and possible solutions?
Sample Response
With a sheer volume of the world population, the demand for consumer products has reached to the vertex. The factories and industries which are manufacturing these goods are often attributed to deteriorating the natural environment. The causes are many and there are some efficient solutions that can prevent this damage to a great extent and this essay deals with these issues and solutions.
To begin with, it is quite natural that the huge population has increased the demand for various consumer products and to meet the demands, new factories and industries are being established each day. To provide the spaces required for this overwhelming number of factories, trees and forests are being cut. Sometimes agricultural fields are being used to build such factories. This has a direct impact on the environment. Furthermore, almost every factory is contributing to the global warming and polluting the air. Factories often consume natural resources and emit chemical wastages to water. This is polluting the water and threatening the very existence of the natural ecosystem.
Again, the increasing demands for consumer products is a reason humans exploit the natural resources. Plastics and similar materials used for packaging are the reason the degradation of the land. The consumer products like cars, electronic devices and luxury items directly contribute to the temperature increase and greenhouse effect.
The solutions to this problem have to be very efficient and long term. One such solution could be educating people to be frugal while purchasing goods. Governments should strictly control the location of factories and the amount of wastages those factories emit. Then, establishing factories near rivers, lakes, fertile agricultural lands should be banned. On top of that, eco-friendly alternative fuels should be introduced and using solar power for offices and industries should be compulsory. Some other solutions like waste recycling, imposing heavy taxes on luxury items, use of disposable packaging materials and mass tree plantation projects should be in place. Finally, factories and consumer products selling organisations should be forced to participate in tree plantation.
In conclusion, the overuse of natural resources and the human luxury affect the natural environment very adversely. Effective solutions to prevent the damages caused by this should be immediately implemented to save the earth we live in.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural phrase Original: With a sheer volume of the world population Suggested revision: With the sheer size of the world population Why it matters: This is a more natural way to introduce population pressure.
- 2. Wrong collocation Original: reached to the vertex Suggested revision: reached a peak Why it matters: Reached a peak is the standard expression.
- 3. Verb pattern Original: attributed to deteriorating Suggested revision: responsible for damaging Why it matters: Attributed to deteriorating is not a natural passive structure here.
- 4. Academic phrasing Original: The causes are many Suggested revision: There are several causes Why it matters: This is clearer and less awkward.
- 5. Direct thesis Original: deals with these issues and solutions Suggested revision: examines these causes and possible solutions Why it matters: This is a more precise essay roadmap.
- 6. Article use Original: the huge population has increased Suggested revision: a huge population has increased Why it matters: The original article choice is too specific.
- 7. Uncountable noun Original: the spaces required Suggested revision: the space required Why it matters: Space is uncountable in this context.
- 8. Precise verb Original: cut Suggested revision: cut down Why it matters: Cut down is the natural phrasal verb for trees.
- 9. Natural collocation Original: emit chemical wastages to water Suggested revision: release chemical waste into water Why it matters: This uses the correct verb, uncountable noun, and preposition.
- 10. Agreement error Original: the increasing demands for consumer products is Suggested revision: the increasing demand for consumer products is Why it matters: Demand is usually singular in this general meaning.
- 11. Missing preposition Original: are the reason the degradation of the land Suggested revision: are a reason for land degradation Why it matters: This is the natural noun phrase.
- 12. Adjective choice Original: The solutions to this problem have to be very efficient Suggested revision: The solutions to this problem have to be effective Why it matters: Effective fits problem-solving better than efficient here.
Suggested Rewrites
- With a sheer volume of the world population With the sheer size of the world population
- reached to the vertex reached a peak
- attributed to deteriorating responsible for damaging
- The causes are many There are several causes
- deals with these issues and solutions examines these causes and possible solutions
- the huge population has increased a huge population has increased
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay fully addresses causes and solutions, with several relevant causes and a wide range of practical measures. Some solutions are listed rather than deeply explained, but coverage is strong.
Prioritise two or three key solutions and explain how each one directly reduces environmental damage.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is well organised with clear cause and solution paragraphs. Some paragraphs contain long lists, and a few transitions are mechanical.
Group related causes and solutions under clearer topic sentences rather than adding many items in one paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally strong and topic-specific, including natural resources, chemical wastage, ecosystem, greenhouse effect, and recycling. Some collocations are unnatural.
Use more natural phrases such as rising demand, reached a peak, waste emissions, disposable packaging, and environmental damage.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good range of complex grammar, but subject-verb agreement, article use, and noun-form errors appear regularly.
Check agreement after plural nouns such as demands and use correct uncountable forms such as waste.