Today there is a great increase in antisocial behaviour and lack of respect to others. What are the causes of this? What measures can be taken to reduce this problem？
Sample Response
The widespread problem of anti-social behaviours and disrespectful attitudes towards others has long been a major topic of concern in society. Some of the major culprits of this problem will be discussed before the most important solutions are drawn.
Reasons for this alarming situation vary. In some cases, people may hold an anti-social attitude or disrespect others because they live in an environment where violence and discrimination are the norms. For example, children of sexist parents in rural families in Vietnam, irrespective of their gender, show a worrying tendency of disrespecting women. In some other cases, it is the lack of parental guidance that is to blame. As modern parents are becoming increasingly busy with their jobs, they may have the proclivity to be indifferent to children’s education. When there is no one to help young children distinguish between the good and the bad, ill-mannered attitudes may emerge and develop among them without being controlled.
A number of definite actions could be taken to mitigate the problem. On the national level, the first obvious solution is to reduce violence and discrimination. As this would be a massive act, all the voters and legislators should be responsible. Together, they could call for stricter enforcement of the laws on violent and discriminatory acts to deter them from happening. Furthermore, on the nuclear-family level, parents must not underestimate the significance of their guidance for children. If they notice any signs of an anti-social or insolent manner in children, they must provide them with negative evaluations of these signs. At the same time, parents could also educate their children about social manners by instilling a pro-social sense in them. These actions, albeit small, could have a strong influence on children when they mature.
To conclude, it is clear that violence, discrimination, and the indifference of parents to children’s education are the major catalysts for the increase in anti-social behaviours and disrespect for others. Strong measures, such as stringent law enforcement on violent and discriminatory acts, must be taken to alleviate this distressing situation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name causes directly Original: culprits Suggested revision: causes Why it matters: 'Causes' is more precise than the person-focused word 'culprits' in this context.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: drawn Suggested revision: proposed Why it matters: Solutions are normally proposed rather than drawn.
- 3. Correct the pattern Original: show a worrying tendency of disrespecting women Suggested revision: show a worrying tendency to disrespect women Why it matters: The noun 'tendency' is followed by an infinitive in this construction.
- 4. Use clearer wording Original: the proclivity to be indifferent to children’s education Suggested revision: a tendency to neglect their children’s education Why it matters: The replacement expresses the parental behaviour more directly and naturally.
- 5. Use natural contrast Original: the good and the bad Suggested revision: right and wrong Why it matters: 'Right and wrong' is the conventional expression for distinguishing acceptable behaviour.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: attitudes Suggested revision: behaviour Why it matters: 'Ill-mannered' naturally describes behaviour rather than attitudes in this context.
- 7. Use precise wording Original: As this would be a massive act Suggested revision: As this would be a substantial undertaking Why it matters: 'Substantial undertaking' accurately describes a large and difficult national effort.
- 8. Clarify shared duty Original: all the voters and legislators should be responsible Suggested revision: voters and legislators should share responsibility Why it matters: This construction expresses collective responsibility without the awkward definite article.
- 9. Clarify the reference Original: deter them from happening Suggested revision: deter such acts Why it matters: The pronoun 'them' has an unclear antecedent, while 'such acts' refers directly to violence and discrimination.
- 10. Use the right noun Original: an anti-social or insolent manner in children Suggested revision: antisocial or insolent behaviour in their children Why it matters: 'Behaviour' names the observable problem more accurately than the singular noun 'manner'.
- 11. State the action clearly Original: provide them with negative evaluations of these signs Suggested revision: explain clearly why this behaviour is unacceptable Why it matters: The original phrase is abstract and does not clearly describe what parents should do.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: instilling a pro-social sense in them Suggested revision: instilling prosocial values in them Why it matters: 'Pro-social sense' is an unnatural collocation, whereas 'prosocial values' clearly conveys the intended lesson.
Suggested Rewrites
- culprits causes
- drawn proposed
- show a worrying tendency of disrespecting women show a worrying tendency to disrespect women
- the proclivity to be indifferent to children’s education a tendency to neglect their children’s education
- the good and the bad right and wrong
- attitudes behaviour
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both questions directly, develops relevant causes and solutions, and maintains a clear progression from analysis to recommendation. Its main weakness is occasional imprecise or overly elaborate phrasing, especially when describing parental intervention and collective responsibility. The highest-priority improvement is to express these otherwise strong ideas in more natural, exact language and sharpen how each proposed measure addresses its stated cause.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and measures are fully addressed through relevant, well-developed explanations and a specific example.
Make the national solution still more precise by explaining who should implement enforcement and how it would change behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised, with clear paragraph purposes and well-managed progression within each discussion.
Refine a few transitions so the movement from a cause to its corresponding solution is even more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A broad and effective vocabulary supports precise discussion, although several collocations sound forced or slightly inaccurate.
Prefer natural combinations such as corrective guidance or coordinated action instead of inflated phrases whose meaning is less exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only minor lapses that do not hinder communication.
Polish occasional article, reference, and noun-choice constructions to make already controlled sentences more idiomatic.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Today there is a great increase in antisocial behaviour and lack of respect to others. What are the causes of this? What measures can be taken to reduce this problem？
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.