Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is sometimes asserted that life in a major urban areas is detrimental to citizens’ well-being. I largely agree with this assertion given the air pollution and fast pace of life that they have to endure even though medical advancements might be more approachable in metropolises. The foremost rationale why I believe the city environment negatively influences people’s health is the air quality. Air pollution in major cities can be attributed to various sources, ranging from noxious emissions from personal vehicles to particle matters from ongoing constructions. These pollutants are scientifically proven to not only cause immediate inconveniences but also perennial respiratory diseases such as rhinitis and lung cancer. Another reason for my belief that dwelling in cities is negative to health lies in the lifestyle in these regions. Specifically, citizens generally embrace a much faster way of living as a consequence of job competitiveness and price hikes, leading to a reduced amount of time for exercise and relaxation. If this condition is prolonged, they are likely to experience both physical and mental health problems including burnout, stroke or depression. However, I acknowledge that the availability of advanced treatments in metropolises can enhance people’s wellbeing. An illustrative example in this case is Hanoi, the second largest city in Vietnam. Over the years, the city council has invested heavily in improving healthcare infrastructure which encompasses major hospitals and regional clinics, allowing Hanoians to enjoy effective treatments, frequent health checks for potential disease prevention and an overall improved health condition. In conclusion, I am mostly in agreement with the idea that the general well-being of people is negatively affected by living in major metropolises considering the harmful air pollutants and increased pace of lifestyle despite the abundance of healthcare services. That is why governments should execute immediate measures, such as relocating factories and governmental offices, to encourage people to reside in the countryside or small cities to maintain more robust health.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix article agreement Original: life in a major urban areas Suggested revision: life in major urban areas Why it matters: The indefinite article cannot modify the plural noun phrase ‘urban areas’.
- 2. Use accurate collocation Original: medical advancements might be more approachable Suggested revision: advanced medical care might be more accessible Why it matters: Care can be accessible, whereas advancements are not normally described as approachable.
- 3. Use technical term Original: particle matters Suggested revision: particulate matter Why it matters: ‘Particulate matter’ is the standard uncountable term for this form of air pollution.
- 4. Use uncountable noun Original: constructions Suggested revision: construction Why it matters: ‘Construction’ is uncountable when referring generally to building activity.
- 5. Choose precise adjective Original: perennial Suggested revision: chronic Why it matters: ‘Chronic’ accurately describes diseases that persist over a long period.
- 6. Fix collocation Original: negative Suggested revision: harmful Why it matters: ‘Harmful to health’ is the natural collocation for a damaging effect.
- 7. Clarify the pressure Original: job competitiveness Suggested revision: competition for jobs Why it matters: This phrase more clearly identifies the competitive pressure affecting residents.
- 8. Make wording concise Original: an overall improved health condition Suggested revision: better overall health Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more directly and naturally.
- 9. Fix pace collocation Original: increased pace of lifestyle Suggested revision: faster pace of life Why it matters: The established expression is ‘pace of life’, and ‘faster’ describes it naturally.
- 10. Use natural verb Original: execute Suggested revision: implement Why it matters: Measures are normally implemented rather than executed in this context.
- 11. Use natural phrasing Original: more robust health Suggested revision: better health Why it matters: ‘Better health’ is the natural expression for an improved state of well-being.
Suggested Rewrites
- life in a major urban areas life in major urban areas
- medical advancements might be more approachable advanced medical care might be more accessible
- particle matters particulate matter
- constructions construction
- perennial chronic
- negative harmful
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistently maintained position and develops its main health arguments with relevant causal explanation, effective paragraphing, and a useful counterpoint about urban healthcare. Its main limitation is occasional imprecise or unnatural wording, which reduces the otherwise strong linguistic control; the highest-priority improvement is to replace strained collocations with more natural, exact phrasing while preserving the essay’s well-developed argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the question with a clear qualified agreement and well-developed reasons supported by a relevant counterargument.
Make the final policy recommendation more directly support the health-focused position rather than introducing a partly new direction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices connect explanations and examples smoothly without obscuring the argument.
Refine a few long concluding and list-based sentences so the progression remains equally crisp at sentence level.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys nuanced health and urban-life ideas, although several collocations are imprecise or unnatural.
Use more idiomatic choices such as accessible healthcare, particulate matter, and construction work to improve lexical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures with strong overall control, despite occasional article, agreement, and phrasing errors.
Proofread noun phrases and article-number agreement, especially constructions such as a major urban area, to remove localized inaccuracies.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.