Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
It is perceived by many that largemetropolitan cities are harmful to our well-beingominous for our well-being as opposed to living in rural areas. While the former offers a hectic lifestyle and hashave much more pollution, the latter offersgrants a tranquil and favourable environment for our physical and psychological well-beingphysical and psychological benefits. I completely agree with this viewpoint for several reasons. Firstly, almost all big cities have an intolerable level of air, noise and other forms of environmental pollutionair, sound and environmental pollutions primarily due to the increasing number of vehicles, carbon emissionsemission, industrial wastewastages of industries, metro facilities and amenities for a modern lifestyle. On top of that, the population density in big cities is much higher, and it creates unhealthy living conditionsan unhealthy living standard in many parts. Finally, people in big cities often rely on processed food as they are busy. This unhealthy eatingfood habit, along with pollution, poses a serious threatemerges as a serious threat to their health in the long run. For instance, more than 60 per cent of school students in large municipalities in developing countries are exposed to a higher level of air and noise pollutionair and sound pollutions and eat junk food which severely affects their physical and mental health. Secondly, it is generally known that stressstresses in metropolises are considerably higher due to many factors. One of the main factors is the long working hours. Another factor is that living costsSecondly, living costs in big cities are high. Although people earn morehigher in metro areas, their salaries, oftenoftentimes, do not meet their needs and expectations, which adversely affects their psychological well-beingwhich adversely impact their psychology. Long working hours combined with severe traffic jamsjam take up their timeconsume their time and they have little time left to spend with their families. To conclude, it is inevitable that pollution, stressstresses and unhealthy food jeopardize people’s health in big cities, and this is why it is justified to state that living in large cities is damaging for people's well-being.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear position and develops several relevant links between city life and poorer physical or psychological health. Its main limitation is that the entire response forms one paragraph, while recurring awkward collocations and agreement errors reduce polish. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the ideas into a distinct introduction, focused body paragraphs, and conclusion, using transitions that clarify rather than merely enumerate points.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is sustained and supported through relevant discussion of pollution, diet, stress, costs, and commuting.
Develop the strongest claims with more precise evidence instead of relying on broad or unsupported generalisations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a broadly logical sequence, but presenting the whole essay as one paragraph weakens its structure and makes some sequencing mechanical.
Separate the introduction, major reasons, and conclusion into logical paragraphs and use topic-led transitions within them.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of health and urban-life vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and unnecessary plurals reduce precision.
Prefer natural forms such as “air and noise pollution,” “industrial waste,” “stress,” and “earn more.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, although agreement, article, number, and punctuation errors recur throughout.
Check subject-verb agreement and singular-plural control systematically, especially in long sentences with several clauses.