Do you believe that societies ought to enforce capital punishment or Are there alternative forms of punishment that would be better used?
Sample Response
Capital punishment is the killing of a criminal for a crime that he has committed. Previously most countries employed this method of punishment but nowadays it is much less widely used. I personally do not believe that societies today should use capital punishment and I also believe that there are alternative punishments that can be used.
My main argument against capital punishment is that I believe we do not have the right to kill another human being regardless of the crime. I don’t believe in the old religious maxim of “an eye for an eye.” Modern societies shouldn’t turn to such barbaric punishments.
Another argument against capital punishment is that people can be wrongly convicted and executed. If a man is in prison, he can be released if later proved not guilty. If he is dead, there is nothing that can be done. In the UK, a group of supposed terrorists were convicted of murder in Birmingham in the 1970s. They were proved innocent about 15 years later and released. If they had been executed, innocent people would have died.
There are alternative punishments available. For bad crimes prison life sentences can be given with criminals imprisoned for the rest of their lives. Also a lot of horrific crimes are committed by people who are mentally sick. These people are not responsible for their actions and can be kept safely and permanently in secure hospitals. Yes, this costs a lot more but I believe it is the duty of society to do this.
There are arguments for capital punishment. Many people feel its threat stops serious crime and that criminals deserve nothing less. It’s cheaper and keeps the prisons manageable. I can understand this point of view but I cannot agree with it.
So, in conclusion, I don’t believe in capital punishment, as there are less barbaric alternatives available. We can avoid horrific mistakes and make modern society a humane one.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add introductory comma Original: Previously most countries employed Suggested revision: Previously, most countries employed Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory adverb.
- 2. Use inclusive reference Original: man Suggested revision: person Why it matters: The gender-neutral noun fits the general claim more accurately.
- 3. Fix crime collocation Original: bad Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: Serious is the standard adjective for crimes of high severity.
- 4. Remove redundant wording Original: prison life sentences Suggested revision: life sentences Why it matters: A life sentence already denotes imprisonment, so prison is redundant.
- 5. Use formal quantifier Original: a lot of horrific crimes Suggested revision: many horrific crimes Why it matters: Many is more concise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 6. Use standard term Original: sick Suggested revision: ill Why it matters: Mentally ill is the conventional and more precise expression.
- 7. Use formal concession Original: Yes, this costs a lot more Suggested revision: Admittedly, this costs considerably more Why it matters: The concessive linker expresses the relationship to the preceding point more formally.
- 8. Use precise verb Original: stops Suggested revision: deters Why it matters: Deters precisely expresses the claimed preventive effect of punishment.
- 9. Make phrasing concise Original: make modern society a humane one Suggested revision: make modern society more humane Why it matters: The comparative form conveys the intended improvement more naturally.
- 10. Link rebuttal clearly Suggested revision: Use an explicit concessive transition to connect the supporting claims for capital punishment to your rejection of them. Why it matters: A clearer transition would make the movement from the opposing view to the rebuttal easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- Previously most countries employed Previously, most countries employed
- man person
- bad serious
- prison life sentences life sentences
- a lot of horrific crimes many horrific crimes
- sick ill
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, consistent position and its well-chosen explanation of wrongful conviction, which gives the argument convincing depth. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision in phrasing and somewhat briefer treatment of the opposing case. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the comparison with pro-death-penalty arguments more analytically while replacing general expressions with more exact academic language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the question with a clear position, developed reasons, a relevant example, and consideration of the opposing view.
Develop the rebuttal to deterrence and cost arguments in slightly greater depth to make the evaluation even more balanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without disrupting the argument.
Strengthen the connection between the counterargument paragraph and the final conclusion with a more explicit evaluative link.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of punishment, justice, and social responsibility.
Replace less exact phrases such as “bad crimes” with more precise terms such as “serious offences.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, with only minor lapses that do not affect clarity.
Refine occasional article and phrasing choices while maintaining the strong control of complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Do you believe that societies ought to enforce capital punishment or Are there alternative forms of punishment that would be better used?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.