Some people seek a lot of advice from family and friends when choosing their careers. Others feel that it is better to choose a career more independently. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The decision of one's career path is a significant milestone in life, often accompanied by a whirlwind of emotions, aspirations, and uncertainties. While some individuals seek counsel from their inner circle, relying on the wisdom and experiences of family and friends, others prefer to chart their own course, valuing self-reliance and personal conviction. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and then argue that it is better to make this important decision independently without listening to biased opinions.
Advocates of seeking advice from family and friends emphasize the value of their intimate knowledge and understanding of an individual's strengths, weaknesses, and interests. Their insights can provide valuable guidance, illuminating potential career avenues that might have been overlooked. For example, one of my cousins was passionate about becoming a game-tester but after discussing with a couple of her cousins, who happen to be in the IT field, decided not to pursue this career which proved to be very helpful for her.
On the other hand, proponents of independent decision-making highlight the importance of self-discovery and personal growth. By venturing into career exploration without external influence, individuals gain a deeper understanding of their own aspirations and motivations, fostering a sense of ownership and accountability for their professional trajectory. This approach can lead to greater passion and fulfilment in one's chosen field. In my opinion, it is crucial for individuals to engage in self-reflection and exploration to truly understand their passions and aspirations while deciding on a career to pursue. By actively brainstorming, gathering information, and following one's passion and interest, individuals can make informed decisions aligned with their personal values and goals without listening to biased advice.
In conclusion, choosing the right career path is crucial yet critical for everyone. While seeking advice from close relatives and friends often helps in deciding a career, I believe that it should be done independently and without being biased by others.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural phrase Original: decision Suggested revision: choice Why it matters: Choice of a career path is the natural collocation for selecting a profession.
- 2. Use collective experience Original: experiences Suggested revision: experience Why it matters: Experience is more natural as an uncountable collective noun in this context.
- 3. Qualify the description Original: without listening to biased opinions Suggested revision: without relying on potentially biased opinions Why it matters: Potentially avoids treating every opinion from family and friends as necessarily biased.
- 4. Clarify the time clause Original: while deciding on a career to pursue Suggested revision: when deciding which career to pursue Why it matters: When and which create a more precise clause about the moment and object of the decision.
- 5. Match plural references Original: following one's passion and interest Suggested revision: following one's passions and interests Why it matters: The paired general nouns should both be plural to match the earlier reference to aspirations and goals.
- 6. Remove faulty contrast Original: crucial yet critical Suggested revision: crucial Why it matters: Crucial and critical have the same meaning here, so yet does not establish a logical contrast.
- 7. Use the correct pattern Original: helps in deciding a career Suggested revision: helps people choose a career Why it matters: Help is followed naturally by an object and a bare infinitive in this construction.
- 8. Name the unclear reference Original: it should be done independently Suggested revision: the choice should be made independently Why it matters: Naming the choice removes ambiguity about what it refers to.
- 9. Use precise influence wording Original: without being biased by others Suggested revision: without being unduly influenced by others Why it matters: People are influenced by others, while biased more naturally describes a judgement or source.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: For example, one of my cousins was passionate about becoming a game-tester but after discussing with a couple of her cousins, who happen to be in the IT field, decided not to pursue this career which proved to be very helpful for her. Suggested revision: For example, one of my cousins was passionate about becoming a game tester, but after discussing the idea with two cousins in the IT field, she decided not to pursue the career, a decision that proved very helpful for her. Why it matters: The rewrite supplies the missing subject, corrects the discuss construction, and makes the final relative idea refer clearly to the decision.
Suggested Rewrites
- decision choice
- experiences experience
- without listening to biased opinions without relying on potentially biased opinions
- while deciding on a career to pursue when deciding which career to pursue
- following one's passion and interest following one's passions and interests
- crucial yet critical crucial
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear position and balanced structure: both approaches are discussed, and the preference for independent choice is consistently maintained and developed. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement and imprecise phrasing, particularly the assumption that external advice is necessarily biased. To improve further, qualify that claim and explain how independent judgement can still make selective, critical use of informed advice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed with relevant development, and the writer's preference is clear and sustained throughout.
Make the opinion more nuanced by distinguishing helpful informed guidance from advice that genuinely distorts an individual's choice.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organised into purposeful paragraphs and progress smoothly from the two perspectives to the writer's judgement.
Integrate the personal opinion into the comparison even more tightly by explicitly weighing the relative value of the two approaches.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a wide range of generally precise academic vocabulary, though a few combinations are redundant or slightly awkward.
Replace imprecise phrases such as 'crucial yet critical' and avoid repeatedly characterising all outside advice as biased.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is handled with strong control, and the few lapses do not hinder communication.
Refine occasional awkward constructions, especially clauses describing discussion with others, to achieve more natural accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people seek a lot of advice from family and friends when choosing their careers. Others feel that it is better to choose a career more independently. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.