Some people seek a lot of advice from family and friends when choosing their careers. Others feel that it is better to choose a career more independently. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
When embarking on the path to a career, individuals often grapple with the dilemma of seeking advice from their familial and social circles or deciding their professional course independently. This essay will explore both perspectives. However, personally, I believe that seeking counsel from family and friends constitutes a more prudent course of action.
The proponents of independent decision-making argue that self-reliance fosters autonomy and accountability and thus brings better results. They argue that relying solely on personal judgment cultivates a deeper sense of ownership over one's chosen path. For example, a person who forges their career path independently may feel a heightened sense of accomplishment and ownership over their achievements. Moreover, this approach gives them the freedom to choose a career without biased opinions and suggestions from relatives who often prioritise salary and societal aspects of a job rather than passion and job satisfaction.
Another school of thought contends that consulting family and friends is invaluable when making crucial career decisions. These individuals, with their intimate knowledge of one's strengths, aspirations, and unique qualities, are well-positioned to offer tailored advice. For instance, a close friend may have observed a natural aptitude for analytical thinking, suggesting a career in data analysis or research. Moreover, while seeking advice from friends and relatives, we tend to talk to those who have relevant experience and knowledge. It can be instrumental in deciding a career. For instance, one of my cousins got a job offer from a private construction company and talked to his maternal uncle who used to work in this same company. His advice persuaded my cousin not to take the job offer. Later, it was proven to be a prudent decision for my cousin. This is why, I would suggest anyone seek advice from a close circle and relatives who have relevant knowledge and expertise regarding a job or career path.
In conclusion, while self-reliance when deciding a career path has its merits, it is through the well-meaning advice of loved ones someone can navigate towards a fulfilling and prosperous career. Therefore, people should listen to the advice of their relatives and friends while deciding about a job embarking on a career path.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise collocation Original: the path to a career Suggested revision: a career path Why it matters: 'Career path' is the standard concise expression.
- 2. Use natural wording Original: their familial and social circles Suggested revision: their family and friends Why it matters: The familiar terms match the people discussed throughout the essay more naturally.
- 3. Remove redundant markers Original: However, personally Suggested revision: Personally Why it matters: Both words signal contrast or personal stance, so using one is sufficient.
- 4. Make wording concise Original: constitutes a more prudent course of action Suggested revision: is the more prudent choice Why it matters: The revision expresses the comparison more directly.
- 5. Use precise collocation Original: and thus brings better results Suggested revision: and therefore produces better outcomes Why it matters: 'Produces better outcomes' is more precise and formal than 'brings better results'.
- 6. Avoid repeated reporting Original: argue Suggested revision: add Why it matters: 'They add' avoids repeating 'argue' in consecutive sentences while preserving attribution.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: forges Suggested revision: charts Why it matters: 'Chart a career path' is the established expression for independently planning a career.
- 8. Correct the preposition Original: over Suggested revision: of Why it matters: The noun 'ownership' takes the preposition 'of'.
- 9. Use concise category Original: biased opinions and suggestions Suggested revision: biased advice Why it matters: 'Advice' captures both opinions and suggestions without repetition.
- 10. Clarify the factor Original: societal aspects of a job Suggested revision: the social status of a job Why it matters: The revised phrase clearly identifies the societal factor relatives may prioritise.
- 11. Clarify the subject Original: suggesting a career in data analysis Suggested revision: and may therefore suggest a career in data analysis Why it matters: The finite clause makes the close friend the clear subject of the suggestion.
- 12. Use precise time link Original: while Suggested revision: when Why it matters: 'When' clearly introduces the situation rather than implying two simultaneous actions.
Suggested Rewrites
- the path to a career a career path
- their familial and social circles their family and friends
- However, personally Personally
- constitutes a more prudent course of action is the more prudent choice
- and thus brings better results and therefore produces better outcomes
- argue add
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay discusses both approaches clearly and maintains a well-supported preference for advice from knowledgeable family and friends. Its strongest feature is detailed, relevant development, especially the examples of aptitude recognition and insider workplace knowledge. The main limitation is some imbalance and repetition in the longer advice paragraph, with a few awkward final sentences; prioritise tightening that section and explicitly defining when advice should guide rather than determine an individual’s choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed in depth and the writer’s preference is clear, sustained, and supported with specific, relevant examples.
Add a precise qualification explaining that informed advice should support personal choice rather than override an individual’s interests and autonomy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through the independent and advice-based views, though the second body paragraph is considerably longer and somewhat repetitive.
Condense the repeated explanation of relevant experience and balance the two body paragraphs more evenly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and mostly precise, with effective language for autonomy, aptitude, expertise, and career fulfilment, despite occasional awkward collocations.
Refine phrases such as ‘societal aspects’, ‘deciding a career’, and ‘a close circle’ into more natural academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is generally accurate, although a few awkward clauses and missing connectors weaken the final sentences.
Revise the conclusion with explicit connectors, including ‘through the advice of loved ones, a person can’ and ‘when choosing a career’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people seek a lot of advice from family and friends when choosing their careers. Others feel that it is better to choose a career more independently. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.