Some people say that young people should be encouraged to leave home when they become adults, while others claim it is better if they remain with their family. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
Whether young adults should be motivated to leave home or remain with their families is a controversial issue. Some argue that leaving home fosters independence and personal growth, while others believe that staying with family provides crucial support during the early stages of adulthood. This essay will discuss both perspectives and present the opinion that encouraging young adults to leave home can be beneficial for their development.
Proponents of encouraging young people to leave home argue that it promotes self-reliance and maturity. By living independently, young adults must manage their finances, household chores, and time, which equips them with essential life skills. For example, those who move out for university or work learn to budget their expenses, cook for themselves, and balance their professional and personal lives. These experiences can accelerate their transition into responsible and capable adults, better prepared to face future challenges.
On the other hand, some believe that young adults should remain with their families for longer periods to benefit from emotional and financial support. Living at home can alleviate the stress associated with the high costs of housing, education, and other living expenses. Moreover, the familial environment can provide a strong support system, fostering emotional stability and guidance during critical decision-making phases. For instance, young adults who live with their families might find it easier to save money for future investments, such as buying a house or starting a business, without the immediate pressure of financial independence.
While both perspectives have merit, I believe that encouraging young adults to leave home is generally more advantageous. It not only helps them develop essential life skills but also encourages personal growth and resilience.
In conclusion, while staying with family offers certain benefits, such as financial and emotional support, the advantages of leaving home - such as fostering independence and personal growth - are more compelling. Therefore, I support the notion that young adults should be encouraged to leave home when they reach adulthood.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match intended encouragement Original: motivated Suggested revision: encouraged Why it matters: “Encouraged” better expresses external support for the decision than “motivated.”
- 2. State argument directly Original: present the opinion that Suggested revision: argue that Why it matters: The revision is more direct and concise.
- 3. Reduce repetition Original: Proponents of encouraging young people to leave home Suggested revision: Proponents of young people leaving home Why it matters: The revision removes the awkward repetition of “encouraging” and “argue.”
- 4. Use direct phrasing Original: accelerate their transition into responsible and capable adults Suggested revision: help them become responsible and capable adults Why it matters: The revision states the developmental outcome more naturally and concisely.
- 5. Clarify cost categories Original: the high costs of housing, education, and other living expenses Suggested revision: the costs of housing, education, and daily living Why it matters: Education is not a type of living expense, so the revised list keeps the categories parallel.
- 6. Use natural wording Original: the familial environment Suggested revision: a supportive family environment Why it matters: “Family environment” is more natural than the abstract phrase “familial environment.”
- 7. Clarify the period Original: critical decision-making phases Suggested revision: periods of important decision-making Why it matters: The revision expresses the timing more naturally and avoids the vague word “phases.”
- 8. Use broader category Original: investments Suggested revision: goals Why it matters: “Goals” accurately covers both examples without assuming that each is strictly an investment.
- 9. Use simpler wording Original: advantageous Suggested revision: beneficial Why it matters: “Beneficial” is a more natural and concise adjective in this claim.
- 10. Use proper dashes Original: home - such as fostering independence and personal growth - are Suggested revision: home—such as fostering independence and personal growth—are Why it matters: An interrupting example should be enclosed by em dashes without surrounding spaces.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: By living independently, young adults must manage their finances, household chores, and time, which equips them with essential life skills. Suggested revision: By living independently, young adults must manage their finances and time and perform household chores, which equips them with essential life skills. Why it matters: The rewrite separates activities that are managed from chores that are performed, making the list logically parallel.
Suggested Rewrites
- motivated encouraged
- present the opinion that argue that
- Proponents of encouraging young people to leave home Proponents of young people leaving home
- accelerate their transition into responsible and capable adults help them become responsible and capable adults
- the high costs of housing, education, and other living expenses the costs of housing, education, and daily living
- the familial environment a supportive family environment
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its balanced, logically developed treatment of both views, supported by relevant examples and a consistently clear preference for independent living. Its main limitation is that some reasoning remains familiar and general rather than probing conditions or exceptions. Deepen the comparison by explaining when family support may outweigh independence, and vary repeated wording around leaving home and personal growth.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses both views, sustains a clear opinion, and supports each side with relevant explanation and examples.
Add a more nuanced condition or exception to make the comparative judgement even more insightful.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphed, and cohesive devices guide the reader without drawing undue attention.
Create slightly stronger links between the advantages discussed and the final comparative judgement.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural across the topic, with only minor repetition of central phrases.
Vary repeated references to leaving home, independence, and personal growth while preserving precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only rare minor awkwardness.
Polish punctuation around parenthetical examples and continue varying clause patterns for maximum fluency.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that young people should be encouraged to leave home when they become adults, while others claim it is better if they remain with their family. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.