Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers.
Sample Response
It is true that countless individuals are eager to participate in adventurous sports even though they are aware of the risks involved. There are various reasons for this; however, certain safety measures, if adopted and followed, can mitigate the dangers associated with these sports. To begin with, one of the predominant reasons for the popularity of some dangerous sports such as paragliding, bungee jumping and scuba diving is that people tend to take part in these sports to overcome and conquer their phobias and fears. Many people suffer from aquaphobia and acrophobia, and to free themselves from these fears, they indulge in some adventurous yet life-threatening sports. These sports, they believe, will boost their confidence and make them intrepid. To exemplify this, I was extremely afraid of heights but to overcome this fear, I did paragliding not only once but thrice in a row on the same day even though I was aware of the risks involved. I am no longer afraid of tall buildings and extreme heights. Moreover, people have thrilling and exhilarating experience after doing these sports. They feel more alive and younger. To mitigate the dangers involved in these sports, the most effective measure is to use proper safety gears and equipment such as harness, ropes and specialized clothing. Before doing the sport, the participants should be checked thoroughly to ensure that their specialized safety kit and gear is functioning properly. This practice, therefore, would reduce the risks involved. In addition to what has been mentioned, the specialists and experienced professionals should provide 1-2 days of training to interested participants to avoid any dangers. For example, before doing sky-diving, the professionals provide 2 days of coaching to the people who are going to take part in it. Moreover, participating in these hazardous sports must be avoided in extreme weather conditions, such as during rain and thunderstorms. In conclusion, from a quick analysis of the situation, it is quite evident that people are inclined towards precarious sports as it helps them to conquer their fears. Undoubtedly, the dangers associated with these sports can be significantly reduced by taking proper safety measures. ]
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use sport category term Original: adventurous Suggested revision: adventure Why it matters: “Adventure sports” is the standard noun phrase for these activities.
- 2. Remove repeated meaning Original: overcome and conquer their phobias Suggested revision: overcome their phobias Why it matters: “Overcome” and “conquer” express the same idea here.
- 3. Use participation collocation Original: indulge Suggested revision: participate Why it matters: People participate in sports; “indulge in” is inappropriate here.
- 4. Use natural example marker Original: To exemplify this Suggested revision: For example Why it matters: The replacement introduces the personal example more naturally.
- 5. Use activity collocation Original: did Suggested revision: went Why it matters: The conventional expression is “go paragliding.”
- 6. Use contemporary wording Original: thrice in a row Suggested revision: three times in a row Why it matters: “Three times” is clearer and more natural in contemporary prose.
- 7. Fix article and repetition Original: have thrilling and exhilarating experience Suggested revision: have exhilarating experiences Why it matters: The count noun requires a determiner or plural form, and “thrilling” repeats “exhilarating.”
- 8. Use participation phrase Original: after doing these sports Suggested revision: after participating in these sports Why it matters: People participate in sports rather than “do” them in this formal context.
- 9. Use uncountable gear Original: gears Suggested revision: gear Why it matters: “Gear” is uncountable when referring collectively to equipment.
- 10. Use plural harnesses Original: harness Suggested revision: harnesses Why it matters: A general list of equipment requires the plural count noun “harnesses.”
- 11. Use natural activity phrase Original: Before doing the sport Suggested revision: Before participating in the sport Why it matters: “Participating in” is the natural formal collocation.
- 12. Remove overlapping terms Original: the specialists and experienced professionals Suggested revision: experienced professionals Why it matters: “Specialists” and “experienced professionals” overlap in meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- adventurous adventure
- overcome and conquer their phobias overcome their phobias
- indulge participate
- To exemplify this For example
- did went
- thrice in a row three times in a row
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response answers both questions directly, developing fear-conquest and excitement as motivations and offering practical safeguards through equipment checks, training, and weather restrictions. Its examples are specific and persuasive, especially the personal paragliding experience. The main limitation is presentation: all ideas are compressed into one long paragraph, while several plural and collocation errors reduce polish; prioritise distinct reason and solution paragraphs and more precise safety terminology.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both motivations and risk-reduction measures are fully addressed with relevant explanation and specific examples, producing a well-developed response.
Strengthen the range of causes by briefly adding a motivation beyond fear and excitement, such as achievement, social status, or professional ambition.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from causes to equipment, training, and weather precautions, but the single-block format makes the structure less immediately visible.
Use separate paragraphs for motivations and safety solutions, with the personal example kept inside the motivation paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and vivid, including aquaphobia, acrophobia, mitigate, exhilarating, hazardous, and extreme weather conditions, though a few combinations are inaccurate.
Use adventure sports, safety gear, go paragliding, have an exhilarating experience, and professional instructors for more natural precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is generally controlled, with occasional errors in articles, plurals, agreement, reference, and punctuation.
Correct forms such as an exhilarating experience, the safety gear is functioning, these sports help, and remove the stray closing bracket.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.