Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers.
Sample Response
Some sports have a high level of risk. However, individuals still enjoy these activities due to their high adrenaline level and their popularity. In my opinion, it is still possible to handle these dangers by using proper equipment.
Firstly, some people like to be at risk by their nature. They like to take part in activities, which cause adrenaline in their bodies. They believe it is the most enjoyable thing to do in life. For example, my friend John is a professional boxer. His nose is broken twice in competitions. Although he gets hurt badly, he believes he can not quit boxing due to his high adrenaline level. This is one of the major reasons why people like to be a part of risky sports.
Secondly, dangers are quite popular in our societies. Since it has become common, some individuals like to be on the stage. For instance my cousin Graham is a rally racer. He mentions that his activity helps him get attention, especially among the opposite sex. Therefore he keeps on joining risky exhibitions.
In my opinion, these dangers can be controlled with appropriate tools. There are many products in order to protect people. For example in Ice Hockey, manufacturers are creating strong helmets against hard hits. They are testing these products under laboratory conditions, moreover, they use extremely hard materials like fibre-plastic as a contributor.
In conclusion, it is a fact that people are going to continue to attend dangerous sports events because of their desire for adrenaline and popularity. I believe self-protection can be provided by choosing the correct equipment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural expression Original: due to their high adrenaline level Suggested revision: because of the adrenaline rush they experience Why it matters: People experience an adrenaline rush rather than possess a high adrenaline level.
- 2. Fix risk expression Original: at risk by their nature Suggested revision: drawn to risk by nature Why it matters: "Drawn to risk" naturally expresses an inherent attraction to dangerous activities.
- 3. Remove restrictive comma Original: activities, which Suggested revision: activities which Why it matters: The relative clause identifies the activities and should not be separated by a comma.
- 4. Use correct collocation Original: cause adrenaline in their bodies Suggested revision: trigger an adrenaline rush Why it matters: Activities trigger an adrenaline rush rather than cause adrenaline in a body.
- 5. Use present perfect Original: His nose is broken twice Suggested revision: His nose has been broken twice Why it matters: The present perfect passive describes two injuries occurring before the present.
- 6. Join cannot Original: can not Suggested revision: cannot Why it matters: The standard spelling of the negative modal in this meaning is one word.
- 7. Clarify motivation Original: due to his high adrenaline level Suggested revision: because he craves the adrenaline rush Why it matters: The revision expresses his attraction to the experience rather than describing a permanent level.
- 8. Use participate in Original: be a part of risky sports Suggested revision: participate in risky sports Why it matters: People participate in sports rather than become a part of them.
- 9. Name the activity Original: dangers are quite popular Suggested revision: dangerous sports are quite popular Why it matters: Danger itself cannot be popular in the intended sense; the sports are popular.
- 10. Clarify pronoun reference Original: Since it has become common Suggested revision: Since these sports have become common Why it matters: The plural noun phrase provides a clear reference to dangerous sports.
- 11. Fix idiom Original: be on the stage Suggested revision: be in the spotlight Why it matters: "Be in the spotlight" is the appropriate idiom for receiving public attention.
- 12. Add introductory comma Original: For instance my Suggested revision: For instance, my Why it matters: A comma is required after the introductory phrase "For instance".
Suggested Rewrites
- due to their high adrenaline level because of the adrenaline rush they experience
- at risk by their nature drawn to risk by nature
- activities, which activities which
- cause adrenaline in their bodies trigger an adrenaline rush
- His nose is broken twice His nose has been broken twice
- can not cannot
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly identifies adrenaline and social attention as motives for dangerous sports, and both reasons are illustrated with concrete personal examples. However, the safety discussion relies almost entirely on protective equipment and does not provide the range of suggestions requested, while several awkward expressions reduce precision; the highest-priority improvement is to add and develop other measures such as training, supervision, safety rules, and medical preparation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The reasons for participation are relevant and developed, but the response offers only one main safety measure despite the request for suggestions.
Add at least two distinct precautions and explain how each one reduces a specific danger in these sports.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraph functions and progresses logically from motivations to a solution, although some sequencing language is mechanical.
Link the safety paragraph directly to the risks established earlier and vary transitions beyond numbered sequencing.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for risk, motivation, popularity, and protective equipment, but several collocations and terms are inaccurate.
Use precise phrases such as adrenaline rush, seek attention, compete in rallies, absorb impacts, and protective gear.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex sentences are both used, with meaning generally clear despite recurring tense, punctuation, article, and preposition errors.
Review tense consistency in examples and separate independent clauses instead of joining them with commas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.