Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers.
Sample Response
Some sports have a high level of risk. However, individuals still enjoy these activities because of the adrenaline rush they experiencedue to their high adrenaline level and their popularity. In my opinion, it is still possible to handle these dangers by using proper equipment.
Firstly, some people like to be drawn to risk by natureat risk by their nature. They like to take part in activities whichactivities, which trigger an adrenaline rushcause adrenaline in their bodies. They believe it is the most enjoyable thing to do in life. For example, my friend John is a professional boxer. His nose has been broken twiceHis nose is broken twice in competitions. Although he gets hurt badly, he believes he can not quit boxing because he craves the adrenaline rushdue to his high adrenaline level. This is one of the major reasons why people like to participate in risky sportsbe a part of risky sports.
Secondly, dangerous sports are quite populardangers are quite popular in our societies. Since these sports have become commonSince it has become common, some individuals like to be in the spotlightbe on the stage. For instance, myFor instance my cousin Graham is a rally driverracer. He mentions that his activity helps him get attention, especially among the opposite sex. Therefore, heTherefore he keeps on entering risky competitionsjoining risky exhibitions.
In my opinion, these dangers can be controlled with appropriate tools. There are many products in order to protect people. For example, in ice hockeyFor example in Ice Hockey, manufacturers createmanufacturers are creating durable helmets that protect against hard impactsstrong helmets against hard hits. They are testing these products under laboratory conditions, moreover, they use extremely hard materials like fibre-plastic as a contributor.
In conclusion, it is a fact that people are going to continue to participate in dangerous sportsattend dangerous sports events because of their desire for adrenaline and popularity. I believe people can protect themselvesself-protection can be provided by choosing the correct equipment.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly identifies adrenaline and social attention as motives for dangerous sports, and both reasons are illustrated with concrete personal examples. However, the safety discussion relies almost entirely on protective equipment and does not provide the range of suggestions requested, while several awkward expressions reduce precision; the highest-priority improvement is to add and develop other measures such as training, supervision, safety rules, and medical preparation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The reasons for participation are relevant and developed, but the response offers only one main safety measure despite the request for suggestions.
Add at least two distinct precautions and explain how each one reduces a specific danger in these sports.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraph functions and progresses logically from motivations to a solution, although some sequencing language is mechanical.
Link the safety paragraph directly to the risks established earlier and vary transitions beyond numbered sequencing.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for risk, motivation, popularity, and protective equipment, but several collocations and terms are inaccurate.
Use precise phrases such as adrenaline rush, seek attention, compete in rallies, absorb impacts, and protective gear.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex sentences are both used, with meaning generally clear despite recurring tense, punctuation, article, and preposition errors.
Review tense consistency in examples and separate independent clauses instead of joining them with commas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.