Many people believe students would benefit from spending some time away from studying between secondary school (high school) and university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Sample Response
When it comes to taking a break from education and gaining some experience travelling or working before joining a college or university for higher education, people have varying opinions. While some support taking a year gap and utilising this time for travelling or working, others are in favour of uninterrupted academic life. This essay will agree that such a gap is highly beneficial for learners.
To begin with the demerits of taking a gap year and why some people do not favour this approach - it can be a waste of valuable time as many students would squander it by doing nothing meaningful. There are numerous cases where students plan for indicative travelling, learning and gaining job experience between their secondary and university studies, but end up doing none of these. For instance, two of my cousins took a long vacation before starting their university education and wasted a large sum of money and got ill in a foreign land where they were supposed to work and gain experience. They later agreed that it was a terrible idea.
I, however, am in favour of taking such a break because it can be immensely advantageous for learners. Such a break from education can help them focus on their future plans and decide on a university course that is well thought out and involves passions and interests. This is genuinely helpful for them to enjoy their higher education and pursue a great career after finishing university. Moreover, travelling and job experience during this time not only help them gain practical experience but also prepare them for a meaningful future career. During their travel time, they get to experience different cultures and social conditions and learn to appreciate cultural diversities. It broadens their minds and often convinces them to pursue a career that is directly linked to social welfare. A few of my friends who travelled to different countries before starting university ended up having a more practical outlook towards the world and it was so inspiring for the rest of us. They often took lead in various academic and social issues.
To conclude, the idea of taking some time away before joining a university is a great approach from numerous perspectives. However, it should be well-planned and properly utilised for a better academic and professional career.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard term Original: a year gap Suggested revision: a gap year Why it matters: Gap year is the standard fixed expression.
- 2. Name the writer Original: This essay will agree Suggested revision: I agree Why it matters: An essay cannot hold an opinion, so the writer should be the subject.
- 3. Clarify planned activities Original: plan for indicative travelling, learning and gaining job experience Suggested revision: plan to travel, study, and gain work experience Why it matters: The revision removes the unsuitable word indicative and creates a parallel verb list.
- 4. Fix course description Original: a university course that is well thought out Suggested revision: a well-considered university course Why it matters: Well-considered naturally describes a course selected after careful thought.
- 5. Fix matching collocation Original: involves passions and interests Suggested revision: matches their passions and interests Why it matters: A chosen course matches a learner's interests rather than involves them.
- 6. Use parallel nouns Original: travelling and job experience Suggested revision: travel and work experience Why it matters: Travel and work experience are the natural parallel noun phrases.
- 7. Use natural time clause Original: During their travel time Suggested revision: While travelling Why it matters: While travelling is the natural structure for describing experiences during a trip.
- 8. Use uncountable diversity Original: diversities Suggested revision: diversity Why it matters: Diversity is uncountable when referring generally to cultural variety.
- 9. Clarify the reference Original: It broadens their minds Suggested revision: These experiences broaden their minds Why it matters: These experiences provides a clear plural reference to travel and cultural exposure.
- 10. Clarify the pronoun Original: it was so inspiring for the rest of us Suggested revision: this inspired the rest of us Why it matters: This clearly refers to the friends' changed outlook, while it has an uncertain antecedent.
- 11. Add the article Original: took lead Suggested revision: took the lead Why it matters: The fixed expression is take the lead.
- 12. Fix evaluation phrasing Original: a great approach from numerous perspectives Suggested revision: beneficial from numerous perspectives Why it matters: Beneficial from several perspectives expresses the evaluation more naturally than great approach.
Suggested Rewrites
- a year gap a gap year
- This essay will agree I agree
- plan for indicative travelling, learning and gaining job experience plan to travel, study, and gain work experience
- a university course that is well thought out a well-considered university course
- involves passions and interests matches their passions and interests
- travelling and job experience travel and work experience
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response's strongest feature is its well-supported, qualified agreement: it recognises how an unplanned break can waste time and money, then develops educational, professional, and cultural benefits of purposeful travel or work. Its main limitation is occasional overextension and a few imprecise collocations within the longer supporting examples. The highest priority is to condense those examples and connect each one more directly to students' readiness for university and future careers.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and fully developed through relevant disadvantages, benefits, examples, and a sensible condition that the break must be planned.
Make the final evaluation even sharper by explaining why the benefits outweigh the risk of students wasting the year.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is effective, ideas progress logically from risk to benefits, and cohesive links support a clear line of argument.
Shorten the second body paragraph by grouping closely related career and cultural benefits into a more economical progression.
Lexical Resource
The response shows flexible vocabulary for education, travel, work experience, culture, and careers, though a few collocations are inaccurate.
Replace phrases such as indicative travelling, cultural diversities, and took lead with purposeful travel, cultural diversity, and took the lead.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor errors that do not interfere with communication.
Refine punctuation around introductory phrases and revise occasional overloaded sentences for greater stylistic control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe students would benefit from spending some time away from studying between secondary school (high school) and university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.