Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Today's world is wobbling under conflicts, terrorism and wars that make global peace a distant reality. Even in this gloomy moment, many people think that international sporting events can play an essential role in restoring global peace and harmony. I agree with this viewpoint primarily because I believe that global sporting events have the power to bring people and nations closer and promote the message of peace.
One major reason why I believe that international sporting events are effective in maintaining global peace is that such events bring people closer and let them all appreciate sportsmanship and share compassion. Regardless of race, religion, nationality and gender, sportsmen and fans share the same passion and enthusiasm. And when they gather in a venue, they tend to learn from each other and see the human side of people. It gives them an extraordinary opportunity to share their compassion for others. For instance, the Olympic Games event gives a perfect opportunity for athletes and fans from all around the world to gather and display their athletic prowess and support to a global audience where people appreciate their performance and talents and forget their dissimilarities.
Moreover, such global events promote the message of peace as the spirit of games overcomes the barriers and conflicts nations have. This is why millions of people become one when their national team performs to bring glory to the nation. They forget the differences in their ethnicity, background and class, and it helps positively promote nationality; thus paving the way for peace and unity. For instance, when players of two rival nations like India and Pakistan, or Iran and the USA, show amicable behaviours on and off the field, millions of audiences learn to appreciate their relationship with the people of the rival nation. This is immensely helpful in paving the way to maintaining global peace.
To conclude, major global sporting events not only bring people from different parts of the world together but also ease tensions and promote the message of peace. Thus they are immensely effective in restoring and maintaining global peace and stability.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural crisis wording Original: is wobbling under conflicts Suggested revision: is reeling from conflict Why it matters: Wobbling under conflicts is not a natural collocation for global instability.
- 2. Use measured wording Original: Even in this gloomy moment Suggested revision: Even in this difficult context Why it matters: Difficult context is more precise and appropriately formal.
- 3. Use parallel natural verbs Original: let them all appreciate sportsmanship and share compassion Suggested revision: enable them to appreciate sportsmanship and develop mutual compassion Why it matters: The original causative and share compassion collocations are awkward.
- 4. Use inclusive terminology Original: sportsmen Suggested revision: athletes Why it matters: Athletes is a precise and gender-neutral term.
- 5. Remove unnecessary coordination Original: And when they gather Suggested revision: When they gather Why it matters: The sentence progresses naturally without the initial coordinating conjunction.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: share their compassion for others Suggested revision: express compassion for one another Why it matters: Compassion is expressed rather than shared for others.
- 7. Fix the audience preposition Original: display their athletic prowess and support to a global audience Suggested revision: display their athletic prowess and mutual support before a global audience Why it matters: Performances are displayed before an audience, and mutual clarifies the type of support.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: forget their dissimilarities Suggested revision: set aside their differences Why it matters: Set aside their differences is the established expression.
- 9. Add the relationship preposition Original: barriers and conflicts nations have Suggested revision: barriers and conflicts between nations Why it matters: Between is required to express the relationship among nations.
- 10. Refer to individual viewers Original: audiences Suggested revision: viewers Why it matters: Audience is a collective group, so individual people should be called viewers.
- 11. Clarify the relationship Original: appreciate their relationship with the people of the rival nation Suggested revision: appreciate positive relations with people from the rival nation Why it matters: The singular possessive relationship has no clear owner and the revised wording states the intended connection.
- 12. Correct the preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Pave the way takes for before a gerund phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- is wobbling under conflicts is reeling from conflict
- Even in this gloomy moment Even in this difficult context
- let them all appreciate sportsmanship and share compassion enable them to appreciate sportsmanship and develop mutual compassion
- sportsmen athletes
- And when they gather When they gather
- share their compassion for others express compassion for one another
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay maintains a clear position and develops two closely related but persuasive mechanisms through which sport may promote peace, using relevant international examples. Its main limitation is some repetition and overstatement, together with occasional awkward vocabulary; the highest-priority improvement is to distinguish interpersonal contact from diplomatic tension reduction more sharply and qualify claims about sport restoring global peace.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement is sustained and supported by well-developed arguments about shared identity, sportsmanship, and improved relations between rival nations.
Acknowledge the limits of sporting events and explain why their contribution remains significant despite not resolving political conflicts alone.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised, with clear paragraph purposes and cohesive progression from individual contact to broader national relations.
Reduce repeated references to promoting peace and use each paragraph ending to advance, rather than restate, the central claim.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and often precise, but phrases such as “wobbling under conflicts,” “Olympic Games event,” and “millions of audiences” are unnatural.
Prefer conventional expressions such as “affected by conflict,” “the Olympic Games,” and “millions of viewers.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is generally controlled, with occasional errors in articles, noun forms, punctuation, and clause attachment.
Proofread complex example sentences for clear reference and check countable nouns and punctuation before finalising the essay.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.