Write Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? What is your view? Explain your position.
Sample Response
Throughout the history, a difference could be observed in the type of jobs men and women have done. However, this old belief that categorises men and women for certain jobs has changed in the modern era and these days, both genders have a greater freedom to choose a career. Some people might possess the old dogma in this regard, I personally, however, believe that gender equality must be encouraged. One group of thought advocates that male are physically stronger and have less vulnerability while working in a group of people while females are better caretakers and soft-hearted. This is why, according to them, certain works like logging, coal mining and construction works are more suitable for men while teaching, cleaning and nursing should be done by females. While all-female or all-male employee concept is supported by some, I think a balanced workplace, where an equal number of men and women work together, is more suitable in terms of social, economic and gender equality perspectives. It is more practical to make occupations open to both sexes as it has distinctive advantages. Due to a slightly different way of dealing an event by men and women in general, having both male and female employees in an organisation brings more innovations and open new opportunities. For example, a female police officer may have a greater understanding of domestic violence and a better range of strategies for dealing with the problem while a male nurse can better judge the need of a male patient in a hospital. To draw the conclusion, gender-based occupation at a first glance may seem beneficial but in reality, the gender equality can ensure better performance, innovation and social progress.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: Throughout the history Suggested revision: Throughout history Why it matters: 'History' takes no article in this general expression.
- 2. Use present plural form Original: a difference could be observed Suggested revision: differences can be observed Why it matters: The plural present form fits a general observation about multiple job patterns.
- 3. Match plural meaning Original: type Suggested revision: types Why it matters: Multiple categories of employment require the plural noun 'types'.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: a greater freedom Suggested revision: greater freedom Why it matters: 'Freedom' is uncountable in this general sense.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: possess the old dogma Suggested revision: hold this old belief Why it matters: People hold a belief rather than possess a dogma in this context.
- 6. Fix comma splice Original: in this regard, I personally Suggested revision: in this regard; I personally Why it matters: A semicolon correctly separates the two independent clauses.
- 7. Use standard expression Original: group Suggested revision: school Why it matters: 'School of thought' is the established phrase for a shared viewpoint.
- 8. Use plural noun Original: male Suggested revision: men Why it matters: The plural noun 'men' is required as the subject of 'are'.
- 9. Use adjective form Original: have less vulnerability Suggested revision: are less vulnerable Why it matters: The adjective construction is the natural way to express this comparison.
- 10. Use parallel predicates Original: females are better caretakers and soft-hearted Suggested revision: women are better caregivers and are more soft-hearted Why it matters: The repeated verb creates parallel comparative predicates.
- 11. Use uncountable work Original: certain works like logging Suggested revision: certain kinds of work like logging Why it matters: 'Work' is uncountable when referring generally to occupational activity.
- 12. Use concise occupation Original: construction works Suggested revision: construction Why it matters: 'Construction' alone names this field of work naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- Throughout the history Throughout history
- a difference could be observed differences can be observed
- type types
- a greater freedom greater freedom
- possess the old dogma hold this old belief
- in this regard, I personally in this regard; I personally
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear position in favour of opening professions to both sexes and supports it with relevant police and nursing examples. Its strongest feature is the practical explanation of how mixed workplaces can broaden perspectives, while the main limitation is compressed organisation: the entire essay forms one paragraph and several claims remain general. Prioritise separating the opposing view and the writer’s case into focused body paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The writer maintains a clear opposition to gender-based exclusion and develops relevant benefits of mixed workplaces with specific occupational examples.
Explain more directly why individual ability should determine eligibility and avoid implying that every workplace needs an exactly equal gender split.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses from traditional assumptions to a clear counter-position, but the single-paragraph format weakens the visibility of that progression.
Use separate introduction, opposing-view, writer-view, and conclusion paragraphs, each organised around one controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows useful range for equality and employment, although several inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce naturalness and precision.
Use natural phrases such as ‘traditional belief’, ‘types of work’, ‘deal with a situation’, and ‘gender-based occupational restrictions’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied sentence forms, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, plurals, prepositions, and clause boundaries limit control.
Separate comma-linked independent clauses and check subject-verb agreement whenever the subject contains coordinated nouns or collective ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Write Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? What is your view? Explain your position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.