Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It is believed that international events such as the Olympic Games or football World Cup play a vital role in maintaining world peace and to show nationalism in a proper way. To a certain point, I would agree with the statement but some fights among the supporters have been reported in past venues.
On the one hand, it is true that events such as the World Football Cup or the Commonwealth Games can be used as a tool to maintain the world peace and to show patriotism in a secure way. It can be seen that during international tournaments, athletes from various nations are competing against each other in a sportive way. Although their countries of origin might be at war or conflict, they shake hands and greet each other. And during these moments, the sports people can show their nationalism by giving their best effort in the games, since they are the representative of their own countries.
On the other hand, although the tournaments positively affect world peace, sometimes the athletes and the supporters get carried away with their emotions. In certain cases, several athletes had fought against each other because they could not manage their temperament, and the situation had triggered the supporters to fight against each other as well. As a result, it caused some tensions between countries as well. Therefore, many experts have suggested that athletes should be given a proper explanation about controlling their emotions during the games because it could give negative effects to the supporters and the relationship among nations.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that international sport & games such as the European Football Cup or SEA Games are an effective tool in easing the tensions among nations, and to show the patriotism in the right way. I personally agree with the statement, but I think it is also important for the athletes to be trained about controlling their emotions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: or football World Cup Suggested revision: or the football World Cup Why it matters: The named tournament requires the definite article here.
- 2. Use parallel forms Original: in maintaining world peace and to show Suggested revision: in maintaining world peace and showing Why it matters: Coordinated complements after 'in' should use parallel gerund forms.
- 3. Use correct expression Original: point Suggested revision: extent Why it matters: 'To a certain extent' is the standard expression for partial agreement.
- 4. Tighten the phrase Original: some fights among the supporters Suggested revision: fights among supporters Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the general point more naturally.
- 5. Choose accurate noun Original: in past venues Suggested revision: at past events Why it matters: Fights are reported at events rather than in venues when referring to occasions.
- 6. Use standard name Original: the World Football Cup Suggested revision: the football World Cup Why it matters: 'Football World Cup' is the conventional name for the tournament.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: the world peace Suggested revision: world peace Why it matters: 'World peace' is used without the definite article in this general sense.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: in a sportive way Suggested revision: in a sporting spirit Why it matters: 'In a sporting spirit' is the natural expression for fair athletic competition.
- 9. Complete parallel phrase Original: at war or conflict Suggested revision: at war or in conflict Why it matters: The second coordinated noun needs its own preposition.
- 10. Tighten the transition Original: And during these moments Suggested revision: During these moments Why it matters: Removing the initial conjunction makes the transition more direct in formal prose.
- 11. Use precise term Original: the sports people Suggested revision: the athletes Why it matters: 'Athletes' is a more precise and concise term in this context.
- 12. Improve word choice Original: show their nationalism Suggested revision: express their patriotism Why it matters: 'Express their patriotism' more accurately describes the intended emotion.
Suggested Rewrites
- or football World Cup or the football World Cup
- in maintaining world peace and to show in maintaining world peace and showing
- point extent
- some fights among the supporters fights among supporters
- in past venues at past events
- the World Football Cup the football World Cup
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear, qualified agreement and supports it with relevant discussion of respectful international competition and the risk of athletes or supporters losing control. Its strongest feature is the balanced, easy-to-follow argument, while several examples remain general and language is sometimes imprecise. Prioritise explaining more explicitly how sporting contact can ease political tension and how safeguards can channel patriotism safely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear qualified agreement and develops both the peace-building value of sport and the risk of uncontrolled emotions.
Explain the causal link between international sporting contact and reduced political tension with a more specific, fully analysed example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the argument clear progression, although some linking is mechanical and several sentences repeat the same idea.
Use more precise internal transitions to show how each example advances the qualified position instead of relying on repeated contrast markers.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, including appropriate terms for patriotism and international tension, but several collocations are unnatural.
Replace phrases such as ‘sportive way’, ‘past venues’, and ‘give negative effects’ with natural academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally clear meaning, though errors recur in parallelism, articles, tense choice, and agreement.
Check that coordinated structures are parallel and keep tense references consistent when describing past incidents and their consequences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.