Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family?
Sample Response
In today’s busy world, the cost of living is rising quickly, making it necessary for both parents to work hard to make a living. Parents often put their careers first and continue to work even after having children. Grandparents become the main or only option for these parents, even though there are some downsides. In my view, the benefits of having grandparents raise children outweigh any potential negative consequences.
Undoubtedly, grandparents serve as reliable caretakers for their grandchildren. Parents can entrust their children to them, allowing them to work with peace of mind. Grandparents not only feed and care for the children as devotedly as they do for their own, but they also eliminate the need to transport children to daycare centers. Consistently, grandparents possess extensive experience in raising their own children, establishing them as accomplished parents. This proficiency enables them to successfully raise their grandchildren as well. Often, they exhibit superior decision-making skills, rendering them ideal role models for their grandchildren.
Contrastingly, there are drawbacks to this trend. Primarily, children raised by grandparents often develop weaker bonds and relationships with their parents. Children who cannot tell their parents apart from their grandparents are not being raised properly. Moreover, grandparents, being in their older years, may find it challenging to care for children, as this is typically a time for rest and relaxation. Additionally, the generation gap can impact various aspects of children’s development.
In today’s world, it is frequently necessary for both parents to actively participate in providing financial support for their families. While relying on grandparents for childcare may pose certain challenges, it can also strengthen family bonds and bring about positive outcomes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid repetition Original: work hard to make a living Suggested revision: work to earn a living Why it matters: This revision avoids repeating the idea of work while preserving the meaning.
- 2. Specify the option Original: main or only option for these parents Suggested revision: main or only childcare option for these parents Why it matters: Adding 'childcare' identifies precisely what kind of option grandparents provide.
- 3. Use additive linker Original: Consistently Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: The sentence adds another benefit rather than describing something that happens consistently.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: possess Suggested revision: have Why it matters: 'Have experience' is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 5. Clarify the result Original: establishing them as accomplished parents Suggested revision: which has made them experienced caregivers Why it matters: The relative clause expresses the result of their past parenting experience more clearly.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: proficiency Suggested revision: experience Why it matters: 'Experience' refers directly to the quality identified in the preceding sentence.
- 7. Use natural contrast Original: Contrastingly Suggested revision: However Why it matters: 'However' is the natural transition for introducing the opposing side here.
- 8. Use clear sequencing Original: Primarily Suggested revision: First Why it matters: 'First' clearly introduces the initial drawback without implying that it is necessarily the main one.
- 9. Remove redundancy Original: bonds and relationships Suggested revision: bonds Why it matters: 'Bonds' already conveys the idea of relationships in this sentence.
- 10. Use concise wording Original: being in their older years Suggested revision: being older Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the same idea more naturally.
- 11. Use direct wording Original: impact Suggested revision: affect Why it matters: The verb 'affect' is more direct and natural before the object here.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Children who cannot tell their parents apart from their grandparents are not being raised properly. Suggested revision: Children raised mainly by grandparents may struggle to form a close relationship with their parents. Why it matters: The original wording makes an implausibly literal claim, while this version preserves the intended point about weaker parental bonds.
Suggested Rewrites
- work hard to make a living work to earn a living
- main or only option for these parents main or only childcare option for these parents
- Consistently Moreover
- possess have
- establishing them as accomplished parents which has made them experienced caregivers
- proficiency experience
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear comparative position and develops a relevant range of benefits and drawbacks for parents, children, and grandparents. Its main limitation is that some claims are insufficiently explained or questionable, while the conclusion does not fully restate the earlier judgement. Prioritise deeper cause-and-effect support for the key impacts and end with a conclusion that clearly matches the stated position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the family-wide effects and maintains a clear preference, though some points are asserted rather than convincingly developed.
Explain the most important positive and negative effects with clearer causal detail and make the final judgement consistent with the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with generally effective linking.
Use less mechanical paragraph-opening linkers and ensure the conclusion follows directly from the comparison developed in the body.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys the argument precisely overall, despite several unnatural choices such as accomplished parents and Contrastingly.
Prefer natural academic collocations and check whether transition words accurately express the relationship between ideas.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used with strong control and only minor non-impeding lapses.
Refine punctuation and clause shaping in longer sentences to make an already accurate response more concise and natural.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.