"Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
A government has various responsibilities to its citizens, and perhaps the most important of them all is ensuring proper "health care". There are different approaches to this, namely "prevention" versus "cure". This essay will explain why the treatment of patients is superior, using the case of tobacco as a clear example.
Firstly, health education has its limit and is not always effective. Over the last four decades, various Western governments have attempted to discourage smokers by placing surgeon’s warnings and revolting pictures and through different awareness campaigns. Yet smokers want to light up. Therefore, it seriously questions the government's endeavours of prevention rather than cure. Nevertheless, through the same period cancer treatment has improved considerably even producing beneficial spin-off discoveries for asthma patients. So, treatment is not only more effective but also has other benefits for the people in a society.
Secondly, even if prevention has solid evidence of being effective, there is the common cases of patients suffering by pure chance. For example, some people can suffer from lung cancer who have never been a smoker whereas people smoking a pack a day can escape such illness. Therefore, even having followed the government's guidance, there would still be a need for treatment. In addition, if the fund is diverted from research for cures to education, there would be little to help those ‘chance victims’.
To conclude, the prevention of diseases has failed considerably in many cases whereas proper treatment can help many patients to recover. This is why diverting budgets for health education or preventive measures is not a prudent idea.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard healthcare form Original: "health care" Suggested revision: healthcare Why it matters: Healthcare is normally written as one word without quotation marks.
- 2. Use plural limits Original: limit Suggested revision: limits Why it matters: The fixed expression is has its limits.
- 3. Name warning labels Original: surgeon’s warnings Suggested revision: health warning labels Why it matters: Health warning labels accurately names the notices placed on tobacco products.
- 4. Use neutral image term Original: revolting pictures Suggested revision: graphic images Why it matters: Graphic images is a neutral, formal description.
- 5. Restore verb parallelism Original: through different awareness campaigns Suggested revision: running various awareness campaigns Why it matters: Running matches the earlier gerund placing in the coordinated list.
- 6. Use formal smoking phrase Original: Yet smokers want to light up Suggested revision: Yet smokers continue to smoke Why it matters: Continue to smoke is more formal and precise than light up.
- 7. Clarify sentence subject Original: it seriously questions Suggested revision: this seriously calls into question Why it matters: This clearly refers to the preceding evidence and takes the idiom calls into question.
- 8. Use prevention collocation Original: endeavours of prevention Suggested revision: prevention efforts Why it matters: Prevention efforts is the natural collocation.
- 9. Separate participle phrase Original: considerably even producing Suggested revision: considerably, even producing Why it matters: A comma separates the supplementary participle phrase from the main clause.
- 10. Use evidence collocation Original: solid evidence of being effective Suggested revision: strong evidence supporting its effectiveness Why it matters: The revision states the relationship between evidence and effectiveness naturally.
- 11. Fix existential agreement Original: there is the common cases Suggested revision: there are common cases Why it matters: The plural noun cases requires there are and no definite article.
- 12. Clarify chance illness Original: suffering by pure chance Suggested revision: becoming ill by chance Why it matters: The revision states what the patients suffer from.
Suggested Rewrites
- "health care" healthcare
- limit limits
- surgeon’s warnings health warning labels
- revolting pictures graphic images
- through different awareness campaigns running various awareness campaigns
- Yet smokers want to light up Yet smokers continue to smoke
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position, uses a relevant tobacco example, and progresses logically from the limits of prevention to the continuing need for treatment. Its main limitation is that the case against diverting a large proportion of the budget is somewhat narrow and occasionally overgeneralised. Develop a broader, more balanced justification and correct the few awkward or inaccurate sentence constructions to make the argument more persuasive and precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly disagrees with the proposal and develops two relevant reasons, supported by a sustained example and a clear conclusion.
Broaden the argument beyond tobacco and address why treatment should retain most funding even when prevention is demonstrably effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into clear paragraphs, with generally effective sequencing and referencing despite a few mechanical links.
Make the relationship between evidence and inference more explicit instead of relying repeatedly on connectors such as therefore.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of precise health and policy vocabulary, with only occasional awkward or overstated word choices.
Refine less natural expressions such as health education has its limit and chance victims to strengthen precision and register.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally well controlled, although occasional agreement, article, and clause errors remain noticeable.
Proofread noun agreement and relative-clause forms, particularly constructions such as there is the common cases and people who have never been smokers.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
"Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.