The values that we learn from our parents and family have a greater influence on our future success than any knowledge and skills we learn at school. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
The path to one's life success, like a vibrant tapestry, is woven from diverse threads. While formal education undeniably equips us with knowledge and skills, the enduring influence of values instilled by family casts a long shadow on our ultimate destination. This is why I agree with the statement and believe that the ethical compass and resilience nurtured within the family hold an enduring influence on our success in life.
Firstly, the bedrock of resilience, a crucial ingredient in navigating life's inevitable challenges, is often laid within the familial space. Witnessing parents cope with setbacks, offering unwavering support, and fostering a spirit of perseverance lays the groundwork for future resilience. A child raised in a home where integrity and grit are valued above instant gratification, where setbacks are seen as opportunities for growth, emerges equipped with the inner strength to navigate the often turbulent waters of life. For instance, a young entrepreneur facing a failed start-up, remembering their family's unwavering belief in hard work and second chances, finds the courage to persevere and rebuild, ultimately weaving a more successful venture.
Furthermore, the ethical compass, guiding us towards responsible choices and meaningful contributions, derives significant calibration from the values we imbibe within the family. A home where empathy, compassion, and a sense of social responsibility are held in high regard becomes vital for shaping individuals who prioritize collective well-being over personal gain. This, in turn, manifests in future choices, shaping professionals who prioritize ethical conduct and social responsibility, weaving a richer tapestry of success that extends beyond individual achievement.
In conclusion, the path to success is often a result of the guiding principles instilled within the family. This is why our success in life is often determined by our family rather than the skills we learn or even the education we get from schools.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify mixed metaphor Original: casts a long shadow on our ultimate destination Suggested revision: has a lasting effect on our eventual success Why it matters: The replacement states the intended relationship directly and avoids mixing unrelated images.
- 2. Fix collocation Original: hold Suggested revision: have Why it matters: English uses "have" or "exert" rather than "hold" with "influence" in this sense.
- 3. Use natural phrase Original: familial space Suggested revision: family environment Why it matters: "Family environment" is clearer and more idiomatic in this context.
- 4. Prefer precise wording Original: turbulent waters of life Suggested revision: challenges of life Why it matters: The direct phrase is clearer than the figurative wording and suits the academic register.
- 5. Fix verb collocation Original: weaving Suggested revision: building Why it matters: A venture is normally built or developed rather than woven.
- 6. Clarify abstract wording Original: derives significant calibration from Suggested revision: is shaped considerably by Why it matters: The original verb-noun combination is not idiomatic and obscures the relationship.
- 7. Use accessible wording Original: imbibe Suggested revision: absorb Why it matters: "Absorb" conveys the intended acquisition of family values more naturally.
- 8. Fix complement pattern Original: becomes vital for shaping Suggested revision: plays a vital role in shaping Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the natural noun and preposition pattern for expressing influence.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: education we get from schools Suggested revision: education we receive at school Why it matters: "Receive education at school" is more concise and appropriately formal.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: The path to one's life success, like a vibrant tapestry, is woven from diverse threads. Suggested revision: Success in life is shaped by many different influences. Why it matters: The rewrite expresses the main idea clearly without the awkward phrase "life success" or an extended metaphor.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Witnessing parents cope with setbacks, offering unwavering support, and fostering a spirit of perseverance lays the groundwork for future resilience. Suggested revision: Watching parents cope with setbacks, offer unwavering support, and foster perseverance lays the groundwork for future resilience. Why it matters: The original list incorrectly coordinates an object-complement structure with participial phrases.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This, in turn, manifests in future choices, shaping professionals who prioritize ethical conduct and social responsibility, weaving a richer tapestry of success that extends beyond individual achievement. Suggested revision: These values, in turn, shape professionals who prioritize ethical conduct and social responsibility, creating a broader form of success that extends beyond individual achievement. Why it matters: Naming the referent directly improves cohesion and removes the repeated tapestry metaphor.
Suggested Rewrites
- casts a long shadow on our ultimate destination has a lasting effect on our eventual success
- hold have
- familial space family environment
- turbulent waters of life challenges of life
- weaving building
- derives significant calibration from is shaped considerably by
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a confident, consistent position and develops two well-focused arguments with sophisticated vocabulary and a clear illustrative example. Its main limitation is that it largely asserts the superiority of family values without directly comparing their influence with school-acquired knowledge and skills in sufficient depth. The highest-priority improvement is to make that comparison explicit throughout the body and temper a few over-elaborate or unnatural expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and the family-based arguments are well extended, but the required comparison with school learning remains mostly implicit.
Directly compare how family values and school-acquired capabilities contribute differently to success in each main paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced logically in well-focused paragraphs, with effective progression despite some repetition of imagery and key terms.
Vary internal referencing and reduce repeated tapestry and weaving imagery so the progression feels more natural and less conspicuous.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging and often precise, although a few expressions are overly ornate or collocationally strained.
Prefer natural precision over decorative phrasing by simplifying expressions such as derives significant calibration and familial space.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is used with strong control, and the few imperfections do not impede communication.
Refine parallel constructions and modifier placement in the longest sentences to make already accurate writing even cleaner.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The values that we learn from our parents and family have a greater influence on our future success than any knowledge and skills we learn at school. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.