Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Certain concerned citizens believe that prices should be raised to counter the high sugar content in various food and drink products. In my opinion, this solution may have a marginal impact but other reforms would engender greater progress.
Supporters of this policy argue that it has been effective in the past. The best known corollary would be the high price of tobacco products in many nations. Countries where prices are low, such as Indonesia, Vietnam, and India, have considerably higher rates of smokers compared to nations that have instituted heavy taxes. Similarly, taxation has had limited effectiveness concerning food products in European nations where sugary and fatty foods are more expensive and there has been a concomitant marginal decline in consumption. However, the more striking realization from attempts to tax luxuries is that individuals are often willing to pay to satisfy their addictions and would rather sacrifice in other areas.
Therefore, superior solutions involve more holistic government action. This can be illustrated through policies in Japan. From a young age, children are fed healthy meals at school as well as at home, and the government has encouraged health awareness through a variety of programs and initiatives aimed at various demographics. The result is that sugary drinks and products have a place in society that is less prominent than in nations such as the United States where the culture centers on fast food, soda, and packaged meals. A more thoughtful approach should not be discounted simply because of the challenges posed by enacting and evaluating small steps that are aligned and enforced consistently over a period of years.
In conclusion, the immediate and largely ineffective fix offered by raising prices is not advisable compared with more long-term measures. Governments must therefore take a long view and communicate this clearly to the general citizenry.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid redundant wording Original: Certain Suggested revision: Some Why it matters: "Certain" and "concerned" create an unnecessarily heavy opening when a simpler determiner is clearer.
- 2. Improve verb choice Original: counter Suggested revision: address Why it matters: "Address" collocates more naturally with a problem than "counter" does here.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: engender greater progress Suggested revision: produce greater benefits Why it matters: This replacement expresses the intended comparison more naturally and precisely.
- 4. Choose accurate term Original: best known corollary Suggested revision: best-known parallel Why it matters: A tobacco tax is a comparable example, not a consequence implied by "corollary".
- 5. Use standard collocation Original: rates of smokers Suggested revision: smoking rates Why it matters: "Smoking rates" is the conventional expression for the proportion of people who smoke.
- 6. Improve tax collocation Original: instituted Suggested revision: imposed Why it matters: Taxes are normally described as being imposed rather than instituted.
- 7. Clarify relationship Original: concerning Suggested revision: for Why it matters: "For" states the area in which taxation has been effective more directly.
- 8. Use precise noun Original: more striking realization Suggested revision: more important lesson Why it matters: The sentence draws a lesson from prior policy rather than describing a personal realization.
- 9. Make wording concise Original: have a place in society that is less prominent Suggested revision: play a less prominent role in society Why it matters: The revised collocation conveys the same comparison more directly.
- 10. Avoid overstatement Original: centers on fast food Suggested revision: places greater emphasis on fast food Why it matters: This wording preserves the comparison while making the claim less absolute.
- 11. Correct comparison form Original: not advisable compared with Suggested revision: less advisable than Why it matters: The comparative structure requires "than" rather than "compared with" after this evaluation.
- 12. Use natural expression Original: citizenry Suggested revision: public Why it matters: "General public" is the more natural and concise expression in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- Certain Some
- counter address
- engender greater progress produce greater benefits
- best known corollary best-known parallel
- rates of smokers smoking rates
- instituted imposed
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and supports it with relevant comparisons and a well-developed alternative policy approach. Although the argument is coherent and linguistically sophisticated, several claims rely on broad or imperfect analogies, and some vocabulary is more ornate than precise; the main priority is to tighten the evidence directly around sugar consumption and express key causal links in more natural, exact language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly evaluates the proposed price increase, maintains a clear qualified disagreement, and develops relevant reasons and alternatives.
Strengthen the case by supporting the claimed limited effect on sugar consumption with more specific evidence or a more exact example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through evaluation, counterargument, and an alternative approach, with clear paragraphing and controlled cohesion.
Make the transition from the taxation critique to the Japanese policy example more explicit and streamline the densest concluding sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging and often precise, although a few ornate choices and collocations sound strained in context.
Prefer natural, exact terms over expressions such as overly broad analogies or elevated wording that slightly obscures the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used with strong control, and errors are rare and do not impede meaning.
Refine occasional comparative and noun-phrase constructions so that the most complex sentences remain fully natural and economical.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.