Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The impact of international sporting events on peace and stability in the world is a subject of ongoing debate. While some argue that these events contribute significantly to promoting harmony and stability, I hold a different view. In my opinion, while international sporting events can foster temporary goodwill and camaraderie, they do not address the underlying root causes of conflicts and tensions among nations, and thus their impact on global peace and stability is limited.
One reason why international sporting events may not be as effective in promoting peace and stability is that they often serve as temporary distractions from deeper political and economic issues. While athletes from different nations come together to compete in a spirit of sportsmanship, the underlying political tensions and conflicts between their countries remain unresolved. For example, the Olympic Games have witnessed instances where athletes from nations with historical disputes compete, yet the root causes of those conflicts persist beyond the sporting event. The peace achieved during such events tends to be short-lived and does not address the complex issues at the heart of international disputes.
Moreover, international sporting events can sometimes exacerbate existing tensions between nations, especially when they are hosted in politically sensitive regions. The bidding process for hosting such events can become highly competitive and politically charged, leading to controversies and disputes. For instance, the selection of Qatar as the host for the FIFA World Cup sparked debates over human rights concerns and allegations of corruption. Such issues not only overshadow the spirit of the event but can also strain relations between participating nations.
In conclusion, while international sporting events may foster fleeting cordiality and harmony among nations, their impact on promoting lasting peace and stability in the world is limited. Therefore, instead of diverting resources to host large-scale sporting events with the hope to get a positive result to maintain global peace, it is essential for nations to address the root causes of conflicts and work towards meaningful solutions that can lead to lasting peace and stability.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant gerund Original: contribute significantly to promoting harmony Suggested revision: contribute significantly to harmony Why it matters: “Contribute to harmony” expresses the effect directly without the extra verb “promoting.”
- 2. Remove semantic repetition Original: underlying root causes Suggested revision: root causes Why it matters: Root causes are already underlying, so the modifier is redundant.
- 3. Use concise reason clause Original: One reason why international sporting events may not be as effective Suggested revision: One reason international sporting events may be ineffective Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary words while preserving the qualified claim.
- 4. Use formal relative phrase Original: instances where athletes Suggested revision: instances in which athletes Why it matters: “In which” is the precise formal relative phrase for referring to instances.
- 5. Use direct causal wording Original: complex issues at the heart of international disputes Suggested revision: complex causes of international disputes Why it matters: The revision identifies the causes directly and avoids a familiar metaphor.
- 6. Remove redundant hosting Original: bidding process for hosting such events Suggested revision: bidding process for such events Why it matters: A bidding process already concerns the right to host, so “hosting” is unnecessary.
- 7. Use natural debate phrase Original: debates over human rights concerns Suggested revision: debates about human rights issues Why it matters: “Debates about issues” is more natural than “debates over concerns.”
- 8. Use precise paired terms Original: fleeting cordiality and harmony Suggested revision: temporary goodwill and cooperation Why it matters: The revision avoids overlapping abstract nouns and states the temporary social benefits clearly.
- 9. Use ability construction Original: their impact on promoting lasting peace Suggested revision: their ability to promote lasting peace Why it matters: “Ability to promote” is the natural construction for judging effectiveness.
- 10. Avoid repeated outcome phrase Original: lead to lasting peace and stability Suggested revision: produce enduring peace and stability Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating “lasting” and uses a direct result verb.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Therefore, instead of diverting resources to host large-scale sporting events with the hope to get a positive result to maintain global peace, it is essential for nations to address the root causes of conflicts and work towards meaningful solutions that can lead to lasting peace and stability. Suggested revision: Therefore, rather than diverting resources to large-scale sporting events in the hope of promoting global peace, nations should address the root causes of conflict and pursue meaningful solutions that can create lasting peace and stability. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the purpose phrase, removes the dummy construction, and makes the recommended action direct.
Suggested Rewrites
- contribute significantly to promoting harmony contribute significantly to harmony
- underlying root causes root causes
- One reason why international sporting events may not be as effective One reason international sporting events may be ineffective
- instances where athletes instances in which athletes
- complex issues at the heart of international disputes complex causes of international disputes
- bidding process for hosting such events bidding process for such events
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response maintains a clear, nuanced position and develops two logically distinct reasons with relevant international examples. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision, particularly where the Qatar example is not fully connected to strained relations between nations and the final recommendation becomes wordy. The highest-priority improvement is to sharpen those causal links and express the concluding recommendation more concisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay directly answers the question with a consistent position and develops two relevant reasons supported by appropriate examples.
Make the link between the Qatar controversy and international peace more explicit so every example fully advances the central argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and progression are clear, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without becoming mechanical.
Reduce minor repetition of key phrases such as root causes and peace and stability to make the progression even tighter.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and well suited to the topic, with only occasional wordiness or less natural phrasing.
Replace verbose expressions in the conclusion with more concise academic wording to strengthen precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a broad range of complex structures with strong control and only minor, non-impeding awkwardness.
Refine the final recommendation sentence so its purpose construction is more natural and economical.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.