The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?
Sample Response
Today, developments in the cyber-space have revolutionised the way people to communicate. Although it has created better contact options to the users, they have less active relationships than the past, and I believe that this has caused people to become more isolated. On the one hand, citizens are able to communicate better through the web in more different ways. The first is the expansion of social networks. Facebook, twitter or email are three familiar examples that have led all age groups to be able to communicate via their electronic devices. They can see their friends’ pictures, opinions or even their news shared on their page. In addition, trading has become more straightforward. Businesspersons can easily contact to their partners through the Internet via teleconference or Skype; however, in the past trading was not as simple as now, and traders only had to travel and meet their partners. As a result, electronic communication between the businesses has caused people to socially feel closer with each other. On the other hand, innovations in telecommunication have caused humans to become more isolated socially. One reason is that they are used to have less face-to-face relationships. Had the Internet not developed so fast, people would have participated in more social gatherings. For example, twenty years ago, as a high school student, I and others peers were encouraged by our authorities to participate in weekly meetings to discuss educational, social or even personal issues, becoming more socially active, but now many students are interested less. Another reason is that cyber-addiction is a leading reason that citizens to feel less elated. Clearly, the more technology of smartphones develops, the more individuals will be engaged in more variety of applications and become more dependent on them. Therefore, they will spend less time on travelling, spending their time with their friends, becoming more secluded and desperate. In conclusion, modernization has had some positive influences on humans’ relations. However, I personally believe that it has caused people to socially become less active due to spending longer hours on their computers and have less close communication with each other than before.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the standard spelling Original: cyber-space Suggested revision: cyberspace Why it matters: The standard spelling is the single word 'cyberspace'.
- 2. Remove the infinitive marker Original: the way people to communicate Suggested revision: the way people communicate Why it matters: The noun 'way' is followed here by a finite relative clause without 'to'.
- 3. Use a natural service phrase Original: contact options to the users Suggested revision: communication options for users Why it matters: Options are provided 'for' users, and 'communication' is more precise than 'contact'.
- 4. Complete the time comparison Original: less active relationships than the past Suggested revision: less active relationships than in the past Why it matters: The comparison requires 'in' before the time period.
- 5. Use natural comparative wording Original: different Suggested revision: varied Why it matters: 'More varied' is the natural expression for a greater range of methods.
- 6. Fix capitals and list logic Original: Facebook, twitter or email Suggested revision: Facebook, Twitter, and email Why it matters: The proper name 'Twitter' requires a capital, and 'and' completes the list of examples.
- 7. Use the enabling verb Original: led all age groups to be able to communicate Suggested revision: enabled people of all ages to communicate Why it matters: 'Enable' expresses making communication possible without the awkward stacked infinitives.
- 8. Use natural online content terms Original: friends’ pictures, opinions or even their news Suggested revision: friends’ pictures, opinions, or even updates Why it matters: People share updates rather than 'their news' on social networks.
- 9. Remove the preposition Original: contact to their partners Suggested revision: contact their partners Why it matters: The transitive verb 'contact' takes a direct object without 'to'.
- 10. Fix adverb and preposition Original: socially feel closer with each other Suggested revision: feel socially closer to each other Why it matters: The adverb belongs before 'closer', which takes the preposition 'to'.
- 11. Use gerund and fewer Original: are used to have less face-to-face relationships Suggested revision: are used to having fewer face-to-face relationships Why it matters: 'Be used to' takes a gerund, and countable relationships require 'fewer'.
- 12. Use the reason-for pattern Original: that Suggested revision: for Why it matters: The noun 'reason' takes 'for' before a person plus infinitive.
Suggested Rewrites
- cyber-space cyberspace
- the way people to communicate the way people communicate
- contact options to the users communication options for users
- less active relationships than the past less active relationships than in the past
- different varied
- Facebook, twitter or email Facebook, Twitter, and email
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both greater connectivity and increased isolation, and its strongest feature is the clear comparison between online communication and reduced face-to-face participation. Its main limitation is that the whole essay forms one paragraph and frequent grammatical and collocational errors make several examples hard to follow; the priority is to separate the two sides structurally and express the causal links in simpler, more accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both statements are addressed with a clear overall position and relevant examples of communication, business contact, social gatherings, and technology dependence.
Explain more precisely why online contact fails to replace close relationships and avoid unsupported claims that isolation necessarily produces desperation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The on-the-one-hand and on-the-other-hand progression is recognisable, but the single paragraph and crowded examples weaken organisation and flow.
Divide the response into an introduction, connectivity paragraph, isolation paragraph, and conclusion with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for technology and social interaction, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as ways to communicate, contact business partners, face-to-face interaction, less interested, smartphone technology, and socially isolated.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex forms are attempted regularly, but verb patterns, comparison structures, agreement, and clause construction are frequently inaccurate.
Simplify long sentences and check infinitives, comparative forms, and parallel verbs before adding subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.