According to some people, we have become more independent in the modern world while others oppose this view and say that we have become more dependent on each other. What is your viewpoint on this issue? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Nowadays, people are living in modern society and every person tries to have his or her own place among others by developing different relationships with others and relying on them. So many argue that people are becoming dependent on their relations, however, this is refuted by others. And this essay will discuss both sides of this issue.
Historically, having intelligence was humankind's one strong side. The second one was solving common problems by joining hands. This practice still remains among people and they are dependent on each other as they were in the past. This can be seen in the examples below: Firstly life is becoming more difficult, and we are less self-sufficient. Young people rely on parents for funding their studies in higher schools or to begin their own business. Secondly, jobs are much more specialised, and we need to work in teams. Thus, people becoming more dependent on each other than they were before.
On the other hand, some people argue that they are more self-dependent than ever before for certain reasons. This can be explained with developing modern technologies. People are using several machines when they have some difficulties instead of calling neighbours or friends for help. Additionally, the Internet is providing us with a great amount of information, with access to these sources people are studying and learning new things without any help from others. Most importantly, the way of life in the megalopolises is the main factor, which encourages people to live individually and have nuclear families. Therefore people tend to be more autonomous in modern lifestyle.
In conclusion, I believe that we are more independent than ever before, but even if it is a demand of time, I think we need to stay dependent on each other.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix clause boundary Original: relations, however, this Suggested revision: relationships; however, this Why it matters: A semicolon is needed between the independent clauses, and relationships is the natural noun here.
- 2. Remove unnecessary connector Original: And this essay Suggested revision: This essay Why it matters: The sentence follows directly from the introduction without needing the coordinating conjunction.
- 3. Use natural expression Original: humankind's one strong side Suggested revision: one of humankind's strengths Why it matters: One of humankind's strengths is the idiomatic way to express this idea.
- 4. Add introductory comma Original: Firstly life Suggested revision: Firstly, life Why it matters: The sequencing adverb should be followed by a comma.
- 5. Use accurate term Original: schools Suggested revision: education Why it matters: Higher education is the standard term for post-secondary study.
- 6. Add finite verb Original: people becoming more dependent Suggested revision: people are becoming more dependent Why it matters: The clause needs the auxiliary are to form the present continuous.
- 7. Use standard adjective Original: more self-dependent Suggested revision: more independent Why it matters: Independent is the standard adjective for being less reliant on others.
- 8. Fix causal phrase Original: explained with developing modern technologies Suggested revision: explained by the development of modern technologies Why it matters: Explained by correctly introduces the cause, and development is the required noun.
- 9. Use concise collocation Original: when they have some difficulties Suggested revision: when they encounter difficulties Why it matters: Encounter difficulties expresses the situation more naturally and precisely.
- 10. Use clearer term Original: megalopolises Suggested revision: large cities Why it matters: Large cities is clearer and better suited to the general urban context described.
- 11. Use simple present Original: are living in modern society Suggested revision: live in modern society Why it matters: The simple present is more appropriate for this general statement about modern life.
- 12. Use formal transition Original: So many argue Suggested revision: Many people therefore argue Why it matters: Therefore makes the intended link to the preceding statement explicit and avoids conversational So.
Suggested Rewrites
- relations, however, this relationships; however, this
- And this essay This essay
- humankind's one strong side one of humankind's strengths
- Firstly life Firstly, life
- schools education
- people becoming more dependent people are becoming more dependent
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response discusses both perspectives in a balanced structure and supports them with relevant examples about family funding, specialised work, technology, and the internet. Its main limitation is that the writer's own position appears only at the end and remains somewhat qualified without being fully explained. The priority is to state that position in the introduction and use the body discussion to justify it consistently.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant ideas and examples, but the personal position is delayed until the conclusion and its qualification is not fully developed.
State the opinion in the introduction and explain why modern independence can coexist with a continuing need for interdependence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct paragraphs, although some linking is mechanical and a few sentences connect ideas imprecisely.
Use fewer formulaic transitions and make the logical relationship between each example and its paragraph claim explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some less common items, but inaccurate collocations and word forms such as self-dependent and higher schools limit precision.
Replace unnatural combinations with standard expressions such as self-reliant, higher education, and depend on personal relationships.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but recurring errors with agreement, sentence boundaries, articles, and verb forms remain noticeable despite generally clear meaning.
Proofread for complete finite clauses, especially after linking words, and correct agreement and article errors in longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
According to some people, we have become more independent in the modern world while others oppose this view and say that we have become more dependent on each other. What is your viewpoint on this issue? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.