Some languages die every year and English is becoming used more and more as a world language. Many people feel this is a positive trend and that the world with fewer languages promotes harmony and understanding between people. Analyse both sides of this argument and provide your opinion.
Sample Response
In the contemporary world, peoples' lives are progressed pursuant to the changes that globalisation brings to the society. Popular western cultures have altered the overall linguistic practice around the globe, establishing English as a dominant language while leaving other minor languages in threat. Some argue that such a trend can allow global citizens to achieve harmony through destructing a communicational barrier while others state the opposite opinion. These two divergent ideas will be analysed in the following paragraphs, supported by relevant examples.
Having English as a common language can ease possible difficulties arisen by language barriers. One can readily recount incidences of people having conversational problems when travelling overseas. Not being able to understand foreign languages disable people from comprehending foreigners' thoughts and bonding with them. Consequentially, this may cause some to develop biased or negative perceptions of people from other countries. Therefore, if the citizens of the world could speak one or fewer languages, troubles generated by language barriers would be minimised and create a harmonious society.
However, the disappearance of a language may result in a loss of a nation's cultural identity. Languages do not only represent verbal practice by humans but also reflect on a country's traditions. For example, the Korean language includes two different ways of expressing words depending on which age group one belongs to. If such as a linguistically diversified activity was to be replaced by English, the nation would lose its historical custom that had been maintained for centuries.
In conclusion, the aforementioned ideas suggest two varying opinions about having fewer languages in the world. I personally believe that every language should be preserved to keep its individual identity and characteristics.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Possessive error Original: peoples' lives Suggested revision: people's lives Why it matters: People is already plural; use people’s for the possessive.
- 2. Unnatural phrase Original: are progressed pursuant to Suggested revision: are shaped by Why it matters: The original wording is overly formal and inaccurate.
- 3. Article use Original: brings to the society Suggested revision: brings to society Why it matters: Society is used without the article in this general meaning.
- 4. Collocation Original: minor languages in threat Suggested revision: minority languages under threat Why it matters: This is the natural collocation.
- 5. Wrong word choice Original: through destructing a communicational barrier Suggested revision: by removing communication barriers Why it matters: Removing barriers is the correct phrase; destructing is unnatural.
- 6. Participle error Original: difficulties arisen by language barriers Suggested revision: difficulties arising from language barriers Why it matters: Use arising from to describe the source of the difficulty.
- 7. Word form Original: incidences of people Suggested revision: incidents involving people Why it matters: Incidents is more appropriate than incidences here.
- 8. Agreement error Original: Not being able to understand foreign languages disable people Suggested revision: Not being able to understand foreign languages disables people Why it matters: The gerund phrase functions as a singular subject.
- 9. Natural phrasing Original: foreigners' thoughts Suggested revision: other people’s ideas Why it matters: This is less awkward and less distancing.
- 10. Word choice Original: Consequentially Suggested revision: Consequently Why it matters: Consequently is the standard linking adverb.
- 11. Parallel structure Original: would be minimised and create Suggested revision: would be minimised, creating Why it matters: This fixes the connection between the two outcomes.
- 12. Adverb position Original: do not only represent Suggested revision: not only represent Why it matters: The shorter structure is more natural here.
Suggested Rewrites
- peoples' lives people's lives
- are progressed pursuant to are shaped by
- brings to the society brings to society
- minor languages in threat minority languages under threat
- through destructing a communicational barrier by removing communication barriers
- difficulties arisen by language barriers difficulties arising from language barriers
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay analyses both sides and gives a clear opinion in favour of preserving languages. The argument is relevant and developed, though the positive side could include a little more depth beyond travel communication.
Add one more concrete benefit of a common language, such as education, trade, or diplomacy, before presenting the cultural-loss argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. Cohesion is generally effective, though some linking is formal and a few ideas could be connected more smoothly.
Use less formulaic signposting and make the contrast between harmony and cultural identity more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is strong and topic-appropriate, including linguistic practice, dominant language, cultural identity, and language barriers. A few word choices are inaccurate or unnatural.
Refine collocations such as remove communication barriers, threaten minority languages, and preserve cultural identity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good range of complex structures, but several grammar errors with word forms, participles, and verb patterns reduce accuracy.
Check that verbs after modal or passive structures have the correct form and that noun modifiers are natural.