Some People think that public health within a country can be Improved by Government making laws regarding Nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It has been argued that the health of the masses in a nation can be ameliorated by the laws made by the government about a balanced diet. Others consider that keeping good health is a matter of individual choice, and they are themselves accountable for this. In my perspective, I agree with the latter statement because they can be forced to eat anything because they are the masters of themselves.
To commence with, those who consider that making rules to intake healthy diet can make them robust. They assume that people will eat fast food less and eat a diet full of minerals, vitamins and other essential proteins. A nutritious diet will not make them physically strong but mentally agile also. For instance, in many parts of the world, a multitude of suffering from malnutrition and their efficiency reduces. They are unable to do any work effectively. To make the conditions better, they take shelter of supplements which also cannot help them wholly to be strong. Thus, if the government makes laws to eat a healthy diet; then, people will eat a rich diet and experience fewer obstacles.
On the other hand, it has been recommended that it is a person’s choice to eat anything and they are responsible for their activities. This is said because people live in a democratic country, where they are given full liberty to eat anything of their choice. They pay taxes to the government, so they have a right to choose the food of their choice. In addition, if they get sick, then they will be responsible. The government cannot be blamed for anything. To exemplify it, the availability of abundant minerals, vitamins in particular food and fruits do not compel a person to eat a balanced diet. They can get all the essential nutrients by consuming a few foods.
To conclude, in consideration of above analysis it is transparent that laws made by the government to make people healthy by suggesting nutritious diet, can work alot. But, people have their own choice to eat anything because they live in an independent country, and they will be responsible for any damage to their health.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise term Original: health of the masses in a nation Suggested revision: public health in a country Why it matters: This phrase expresses the topic more directly and naturally.
- 2. Clarify the policy Original: laws made by the government about a balanced diet Suggested revision: government laws promoting a balanced diet Why it matters: The replacement states the relationship between the laws and healthy eating more clearly.
- 3. Correct the phrase Original: In Suggested revision: From Why it matters: The standard expression uses “from” rather than “in.”
- 4. Restore intended negation Original: they can be forced to eat anything Suggested revision: people cannot be forced to eat particular foods Why it matters: The missing negation contradicts the stated support for personal choice.
- 5. Fix verb choice Original: making rules to intake healthy diet Suggested revision: making rules to encourage a healthy diet Why it matters: “Intake” is not used as a verb here, and “diet” needs an article.
- 6. Correct word order Original: eat fast food less Suggested revision: eat less fast food Why it matters: “Less” should modify the uncountable noun phrase “fast food.”
- 7. Correct the category list Original: minerals, vitamins and other essential proteins Suggested revision: vitamins, minerals, and protein Why it matters: Protein is not another type of mineral or vitamin, so “other” creates a false category relationship.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: take shelter of supplements Suggested revision: rely on supplements Why it matters: “Rely on” is the natural verb phrase for depending on supplements.
- 9. Improve the construction Original: cannot help them wholly to be strong Suggested revision: cannot fully restore their strength Why it matters: The replacement uses a grammatical and natural complement after “cannot.”
- 10. Fix agent and clause link Original: makes laws to eat a healthy diet; then, Suggested revision: makes laws encouraging a healthy diet, Why it matters: The original wording incorrectly makes the government the implied eater and misuses the semicolon.
- 11. Use precise collocation Original: rich Suggested revision: nutritious Why it matters: “Nutritious diet” conveys the intended health meaning more precisely.
- 12. Name the outcome Original: experience fewer obstacles Suggested revision: experience fewer health problems Why it matters: The replacement specifies the kind of difficulty meant in this health context.
Suggested Rewrites
- health of the masses in a nation public health in a country
- laws made by the government about a balanced diet government laws promoting a balanced diet
- In From
- they can be forced to eat anything people cannot be forced to eat particular foods
- making rules to intake healthy diet making rules to encourage a healthy diet
- eat fast food less eat less fast food
Why this response received Band 6.0
Clear paragraphing and a consistent preference for personal responsibility make the response easy to follow. However, both sides rely on simplistic or sometimes unclear reasoning, while frequent grammatical and collocational problems reduce precision. The highest priority is to develop each view with a logically explained, directly relevant example and then edit sentences for accurate structures and natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a personal opinion are addressed, but several supporting points are simplistic, unclear, or only partly relevant.
Develop each side through a clear causal explanation and a concrete example that directly supports the stated view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the essay clear overall progression, although linking is sometimes mechanical and ideas within paragraphs do not always connect smoothly.
Use reference words and logical sentence connections to build each paragraph around one steadily developed argument.
Lexical Resource
The response shows an adequate range and attempts less common vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce naturalness and precision.
Prioritise accurate common combinations such as eat a healthy diet and suffer from malnutrition before using more ambitious vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms is attempted, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, clause construction, and punctuation weaken control.
Proofread each complex sentence for a complete clause structure and correct subject-verb agreement, articles, and conjunction pairs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some People think that public health within a country can be Improved by Government making laws regarding Nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.