Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Personal and public health are tightly related to food choices. While some people believe that the government should regulate nutrition to improve public wellness, others argue that it should be people’s decision whether to pursue a healthy diet or not. This essay will discuss both points of view and explain why the authorities should not control the types of food people can buy.
Legislators could impose laws concerning nutritious food in an effort to have a healthier population, therefore, decreasing public health costs. Even if this could be considered a good idea, it would be very quite difficult to implement. To achieve this target, the rulers could impose a levy on unhealthy food options, or reduce their availability on the grocery stores shelves. In Italy, for example, products such as carbonated sugary drinks and chips are heavily taxed. As a result, the sales of these items have decreased. However, if the authorities start to take control of what their citizens can or cannot eat, it may be seen as limitation of freedom.
Since personal freedom is an extremely important human right, many people think that they should be responsible for their choices regarding the food and drinks they decide to consume. I agree with this opinion because limiting nutritional options, even if it is done with the best outcome in mind, could consequently create dissatisfaction among the population, which would possibly lead to other public issues such as protests and demonstrations. A better approach could be educating the public about a healthy diet, which would help people make better-informed decisions about the food they consume. Many developed countries around the world employed this strategy and saw public health gains.
In conclusion, even though the government is able to control the dietary habits of its population through taxation and restrictions, healthier citizens and reduced public health expenses isn’t the only possible outcome. Limiting personal freedom could result in social unrest and for that reason diet decisions are better to be left up to well-informed individuals.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Streamline the clause Original: it should be people’s decision whether to pursue a healthy diet or not Suggested revision: people should decide whether to pursue a healthy diet Why it matters: The active clause is more direct and removes the unnecessary “or not.”
- 2. Correct result linker Original: therefore, Suggested revision: thereby Why it matters: “Thereby” correctly introduces the result expressed by the following participle.
- 3. Remove double intensifier Original: very quite difficult Suggested revision: very difficult Why it matters: “Very” and “quite” should not both modify the same adjective here.
- 4. Use precise reference Original: rulers Suggested revision: government Why it matters: “The government” is the appropriate neutral term for public policymakers.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: unhealthy food options Suggested revision: unhealthy foods Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more naturally.
- 6. Add article and preposition Original: as limitation of freedom Suggested revision: as a limitation on freedom Why it matters: The singular count noun needs an article, and “limitation on” is the correct pattern.
- 7. Use intended meaning Original: outcome Suggested revision: intentions Why it matters: “Best intentions” refers more accurately to the positive motive behind an action.
- 8. Correct complement form Original: could be educating Suggested revision: could be to educate Why it matters: The noun “approach” is naturally followed by an infinitive complement here.
- 9. Match subject and verb Original: expenses isn’t Suggested revision: expenses are not Why it matters: The plural subject “expenses” requires a plural verb.
- 10. Use standard term Original: wellness Suggested revision: health Why it matters: “Public health” is the established term in this context.
- 11. State the aim directly Original: in an effort to have a healthier population Suggested revision: to improve population health Why it matters: The revision expresses the policy aim more concisely and precisely.
- 12. Remove redundancy Original: food and drinks they decide to consume Suggested revision: food and drinks they consume Why it matters: “Decide to” adds no necessary meaning to the reference to personal choices.
Suggested Rewrites
- it should be people’s decision whether to pursue a healthy diet or not people should decide whether to pursue a healthy diet
- therefore, thereby
- very quite difficult very difficult
- rulers government
- unhealthy food options unhealthy foods
- as limitation of freedom as a limitation on freedom
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its balanced, well-developed discussion and consistently clear position, supported by relevant policy examples and an effective alternative approach. Its main limitation is a small cluster of grammatical and collocational slips that occasionally reduce polish. The highest-priority improvement is to proofread complex sentences for agreement, article use, and redundant modifiers while preserving the essay's strong reasoning and progression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored directly, the writer's opinion is clear throughout, and the main ideas are well supported.
Make the evidence even more rigorous by qualifying broad claims about national policies and their health outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and progression are highly logical, with cohesive devices guiding the discussion without obscuring the argument.
Tighten a few long cause-and-effect sentences so each logical relationship is expressed with maximum precision.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide and generally precise range of vocabulary for policy, health, and personal freedom.
Refine occasional word choices such as rulers and best outcome to maintain a consistently natural academic register.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are handled well overall, but several noticeable errors prevent fully consistent accuracy.
Proofread for redundant modifiers, missing articles, possessive forms, and subject-verb agreement in complex sentences.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.