Some people argue job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
While some people say job satisfaction is more essential than job security, there are those who claim that a permanent job is of greater significance. This essay discusses both sides of the argument and why I believe job satisfaction plays a more important role than job security.
On the one hand, some people believe a permanent job is more important because of the stability and credibility it brings. In terms of finance, workers with a permanent job know exactly their monthly income, and thus are in full control of their financial plan. As a consequence, they will no longer have to worry about short-term financial problems, such as bills and debts, and could be fixated on other important matters like their career trajectory. In addition, staying loyal to one job results in higher credibility, as many employers view prioritizing job security as an indicator of organizational commitment. Gaining the trust of employer opens many opportunities for promotion and additional perks, be it bonuses or extra day-offs.
On the other hand, there are several reasons why job satisfaction is believed to be more important than job security. A worker gains satisfaction when his needs and desires are fulfilled. For example, Google provides gym, climbing walls, or video gaming machines in most of its offices to suit different needs and desires of its employees. Once satisfied, workers are less likely to suffer from work stress or burnout, enhancing productivity and employee morale. As for employers, keeping their employees satisfied is an effective way to reduce turnover rate. A person who is satisfied with their job is less likely to be job seeking, and making it easier for companies to recruit and retain talents.
In conclusion, while some people believe job security plays a more significant role because of financial stability and work credibility, I side with those who believe the importance of job satisfaction exceed that of job security, as satisfied employees are more likely to be more productive and committed to the organization.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: In terms of finance Suggested revision: Financially Why it matters: The single adverb expresses the same relationship more concisely.
- 2. Correct word order Original: know exactly their monthly income Suggested revision: know their exact monthly income Why it matters: 'Exact' should modify the noun phrase rather than placing 'exactly' before the possessive determiner.
- 3. Clarify financial control Original: in full control of their financial plan Suggested revision: able to plan their finances confidently Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended benefit more naturally than being 'in control' of a plan.
- 4. Correct word choice Original: could be fixated on Suggested revision: can focus on Why it matters: 'Fixated on' suggests an unhealthy obsession rather than constructive attention to important matters.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: results in higher credibility Suggested revision: enhances professional credibility Why it matters: 'Enhances professional credibility' is a more natural collocation for increased workplace trust.
- 6. Add determiner and possession Original: the trust of employer Suggested revision: their employer's trust Why it matters: The singular count noun 'employer' needs a determiner, and the possessive form states the relationship clearly.
- 7. Correct plural form Original: extra day-offs Suggested revision: extra days off Why it matters: The plural of this expression is 'days off', with the noun rather than the particle inflected.
- 8. Use concise possession Original: different needs and desires of its employees Suggested revision: its employees' different needs and preferences Why it matters: The possessive structure is more concise, while 'preferences' fits workplace amenities more naturally than 'desires'.
- 9. Use standard collocation Original: reduce turnover rate Suggested revision: reduce employee turnover Why it matters: 'Employee turnover' is the conventional uncountable expression in this context.
- 10. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: exceed Suggested revision: exceeds Why it matters: The singular head noun 'importance' requires the verb form 'exceeds'.
- 11. Use natural comparison Original: essential Suggested revision: important Why it matters: 'More important' is the more natural collocation when comparing priorities.
- 12. Complete phrasal verb Original: opens many opportunities Suggested revision: opens up many opportunities Why it matters: 'Open up opportunities' is the idiomatic expression for making opportunities available.
Suggested Rewrites
- In terms of finance Financially
- know exactly their monthly income know their exact monthly income
- in full control of their financial plan able to plan their finances confidently
- could be fixated on can focus on
- results in higher credibility enhances professional credibility
- the trust of employer their employer's trust
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response discusses both views in a balanced structure and states a clear preference for job satisfaction, supporting each side with several relevant consequences. Its main weakness is that some reasoning equates permanence with loyalty and some examples only partly demonstrate genuine job satisfaction, while recurring collocational and grammatical slips reduce polish. Prioritize sharper conceptual support and more accurate control of articles, agreement, and word forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are clearly addressed, with relevant development despite a few debatable or loosely connected examples.
Distinguish job permanence from employee loyalty and use an example that demonstrates satisfaction with the work itself more directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is logical, and ideas progress clearly within and between the two sides of the discussion.
Tighten the internal progression of examples so each one directly advances the paragraph's central claim.
Lexical Resource
The response shows good range in discussing employment and workplace outcomes, but several collocations and word forms are inaccurate.
Use more natural forms such as days off, employee turnover, seeking another job, and retaining talent.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used with generally good control, though article, agreement, and clause-linking errors recur.
Proofread subject-verb agreement, noun articles, and coordination, particularly in sentences containing added result clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people argue job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.