Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence for films of television and cinema. Others feel that violent films should be not released. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
There have been increasing concerns about the circulation of movies with elements of violence. While some contend that the government should establish boundaries for violent content, others argue that these films have to be banned. In my opinion, violence in movies should only be limited, not prohibited.
On the one hand, it is understandable why violent films should be banned, because it can leave a negative influence on people’s psyche. Due to the internet and pirated movie websites, if not supervised carefully, children can gain access to age-inappropriate films. In the case of adults, the popularity of villain protagonists can lead to misunderstandings that the antisocial behaviors portrayed are encouraged. What is alarming is these young people are impressionable and therefore, can establish riotous behaviors after prolonged exposure. For example, in Japan, a 24-year-old man dressed up as “The Joker” - a notorious fictional villain - and set a train on fire after stabbing fellow passengers. However, the majority of individuals can set a boundary between real life and fiction, thus, banning violent films is rather excessive.
On the other hand, violent films are a form of entertainment for a part of audiences and therefore, should not be prohibited. These viewers find joy from the thrill and excitement offered by violent elements in movies, so forbidding their hobbies for the sake of a minority of audiences equals practicing injustice upon these individuals. Furthermore, without actions, movie makers will lack a key ingredient in building films’ charms. Nowadays, 90% of movies are sprinkled with violence, as even the slightest form of physical conflicts can be considered violent. Consequently, filtering savage elements will be a tantalizing task and oftentimes impossible as it would dull the plotline. Therefore, the optimal solution would be to restrict the appearance of gratuitous and extreme violence in movies.
In conclusion, although there are reasonable arguments as to why violent films must be banned, the best solution is to regulate violent contents based on their levels.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the collocation Original: it can leave a negative influence Suggested revision: they can have a negative influence Why it matters: Use 'have an influence' and a plural pronoun to refer clearly to violent films.
- 2. Use a plural noun Original: psyche Suggested revision: psyches Why it matters: The plural possessive 'people’s' requires the plural count noun 'psyches' here.
- 3. Use a concise phrase Original: In the case of adults Suggested revision: Among adults Why it matters: 'Among adults' expresses the intended group more naturally and directly.
- 4. Refine the description Original: villain Suggested revision: villainous Why it matters: The adjective 'villainous' describes protagonists more naturally than the noun modifier 'villain'.
- 5. Clarify the belief Original: misunderstandings that Suggested revision: the mistaken belief that Why it matters: This phrase clearly introduces the false interpretation that follows.
- 6. Add the linking word Original: What is alarming is Suggested revision: What is alarming is that Why it matters: A 'that' clause is needed after 'is' to introduce the stated concern.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: establish riotous behaviors Suggested revision: develop violent behaviour Why it matters: People 'develop' behaviour, while 'establish behaviour' is not idiomatic in this context.
- 8. Use a natural noun phrase Original: a part of audiences Suggested revision: some audience members Why it matters: This replacement refers naturally to a subset of viewers.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: find joy from Suggested revision: derive enjoyment from Why it matters: 'Derive enjoyment from' is the appropriate collocation for receiving pleasure from something.
- 10. Name the activity accurately Original: forbidding their hobbies Suggested revision: forbidding this form of entertainment Why it matters: The proposed ban concerns films as entertainment rather than the viewers' hobbies themselves.
- 11. Use an idiomatic phrase Original: equals practicing injustice upon Suggested revision: would be unfair to Why it matters: 'Would be unfair to' conveys the intended judgement in natural English.
- 12. Specify the film element Original: without actions Suggested revision: without action scenes Why it matters: The plural noun 'actions' does not naturally refer to violent sequences in films.
Suggested Rewrites
- it can leave a negative influence they can have a negative influence
- psyche psyches
- In the case of adults Among adults
- villain villainous
- misunderstandings that the mistaken belief that
- What is alarming is What is alarming is that
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear preference for regulation, addresses both positions, and supports its discussion with relevant reasoning and an example. Its main limitation is that several claims are overstated or imprecisely expressed, while recurring collocation and grammatical errors reduce polish. The highest-priority improvement is to develop more measured, logically substantiated arguments using consistently natural phrasing and accurate sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's preference for regulation is clear and reasonably developed throughout.
Support the regulation argument with more measured evidence and explain more precisely why regulation is preferable to a ban.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Strengthen the internal progression of each body paragraph by making the relationship between examples, qualifications, and conclusions more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, but several unnatural collocations and imprecise word choices are noticeable.
Prioritise natural collocations, replacing expressions such as inappropriate combinations involving injustice, behaviours, and film content with more idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer uses varied complex structures, although recurring agreement, article, plurality, and clause-control errors reduce accuracy.
Proofread complex sentences systematically for subject-pronoun agreement, countable noun forms, articles, and correctly formed subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence for films of television and cinema. Others feel that violent films should be not released. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.