The use of personal cars has increased more than ever before but this use of cars causes many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce these problems, should we discourage people to use cars?
Sample Response
In recent years, the use of automobiles has become more popular than ever before. However, the increased use of personal cars has caused several issues that cannot be overlooked. This essay will discuss the problems caused by the increased use of cars, and then provide possible solutions to tackle these problems.
One of the main problems associated with the increased use of cars is traffic congestion. The increasing number of cars on the road has led to traffic jams, making it difficult for people to reach their destinations on time. For instance, in cities like Mumbai, Delhi or Dhaka, traffic congestion has become a significant issue, causing delays in reaching workplaces and schools and hampering productivity.
Moreover, the use of cars has contributed significantly to environmental degradation. Cars are a major source of greenhouse gases, which contribute to global warming and climate change. For example, the burning of gasoline in cars releases carbon dioxide, which is one of the major greenhouse gases responsible for climate change.
Despite these problems, I believe that we should not discourage people from using cars altogether. Rather, we should encourage the use of electric cars and other automobile types that use green energy rather than gasoline or petrol. This will not only reduce greenhouse gas emissions but also promote sustainable development. Moreover, it will also promote the use of renewable energy sources and help to reduce the world's dependence on fossil fuels. Finally, to tackle traffic congestion, we need strict traffic laws, and better roads and infrastructures.
In conclusion, I believe that rather than discouraging the use of cars, we should promote the use of electric cars and other automobile types that use green energy. We also need more roads, and strict traffic rules to reduce traffic jams. This will help to reduce the negative impacts of cars on the environment and promote sustainable development while also offering freedom of movement to the general public.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: more popular than ever before Suggested revision: more widespread than ever Why it matters: Widespread describes the extent of car use more precisely than popular.
- 2. Make the claim concise Original: issues that cannot be overlooked Suggested revision: problems that require attention Why it matters: The revision states the significance directly and avoids a wordy negative construction.
- 3. Remove the extra comma Original: increased use of cars, and then provide Suggested revision: increased use of cars and then provide Why it matters: A comma is unnecessary before and when the two verb phrases share the same subject.
- 4. Use formal exemplification Original: cities like Mumbai, Delhi or Dhaka Suggested revision: cities such as Mumbai, Delhi, and Dhaka Why it matters: Such as introduces concrete examples more formally and clearly.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: delays in reaching workplaces and schools Suggested revision: delays in getting to work and school Why it matters: Getting to work and school is the more natural collocation for journeys to these destinations.
- 6. Describe combustion precisely Original: burning of gasoline in cars Suggested revision: combustion of gasoline in car engines Why it matters: The revision identifies more precisely where the fuel is burned.
- 7. Remove double signalling Original: Moreover, it will also Suggested revision: It will also Why it matters: Moreover and also perform the same additive linking function here.
- 8. Fix coordination and number Original: strict traffic laws, and better roads and infrastructures Suggested revision: strict traffic laws and better roads and infrastructure Why it matters: The comma is unnecessary and infrastructure is normally uncountable in this meaning.
- 9. Remove the list comma Original: more roads, and strict traffic rules Suggested revision: more roads and strict traffic rules Why it matters: No comma is needed between the two coordinated noun phrases.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Rather, we should encourage the use of electric cars and other automobile types that use green energy rather than gasoline or petrol. Suggested revision: Rather, we should encourage people to use electric cars and other vehicles powered by clean energy. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the awkward automobile types phrase and avoids treating gasoline and petrol as different fuels.
Suggested Rewrites
- more popular than ever before more widespread than ever
- issues that cannot be overlooked problems that require attention
- increased use of cars, and then provide increased use of cars and then provide
- cities like Mumbai, Delhi or Dhaka cities such as Mumbai, Delhi, and Dhaka
- delays in reaching workplaces and schools delays in getting to work and school
- burning of gasoline in cars combustion of gasoline in car engines
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay addresses both questions directly, maintains a clear position, and supports its discussion of congestion and emissions with relevant explanation and examples. Organisation and language control are strong, although some ideas—particularly better roads as a congestion remedy—are asserted rather than critically developed, and wording becomes repetitive. Deepen the justification for each proposed response and vary recurring expressions about car use and sustainability.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the problems and the question of discouraging car use are answered directly with a clear position and well-developed relevant support.
Strengthen the final solution by explaining why better roads would reduce congestion rather than potentially encourage additional traffic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced logically in focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader clearly with only minor repetition.
Vary the links between supporting points and trim repeated references to problems and promotion for a more seamless progression.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a strong range of topic-specific vocabulary accurately, although some key expressions recur and the plural infrastructures is inappropriate here.
Replace repeated phrases about increased car use and promotion with precise alternatives, and use infrastructure as an uncountable noun.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional minor punctuation and noun-form errors.
Refine comma use in coordinated lists and check countability in phrases such as roads and infrastructure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The use of personal cars has increased more than ever before but this use of cars causes many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce these problems, should we discourage people to use cars?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.