Illiteracy has traditionally been viewed as largely a problem in developing countries. However, it is becoming apparent that in some developed countries, the illiteracy rate is on the rise. Discuss possible causes for increasing illiteracy rates in developed countries. What effect it may have on society in such countries?
Sample Response
While illiteracy has long been associated with developing countries, there is a concerning trend of increasing illiteracy rates in some developed nations. This essay will explore potential causes for this phenomenon and analyze the potential effects it may have on society in these countries.
A major factor contributing to the rise in illiteracy is the educational system's challenges in some developed nations. In pursuit of economic growth and competitiveness, most schools focus more on STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) subjects, neglecting language, arts and literature education. As a consequence, many students do not feel interested in continuing their education as they feel disconnected. For instance, many school dropouts in the USA expressed that they did not like the subjects taught at their schools and attributed it to their apathy in education.
Moreover, economic disparities in developed countries may also play a role in increasing illiteracy rates. Low-income individuals and marginalized communities often face barriers to accessing quality education and resources. As a result, they may not have the same opportunities to develop essential literacy skills. This trend is particularly concerning as it perpetuates a cycle of poverty and limited social mobility, further exacerbating the illiteracy issue.
The rise in illiteracy rates in developed countries can have significant repercussions on society. First and foremost, it can hinder economic growth and innovation. Illiterate individuals may face difficulties in acquiring job skills and accessing employment opportunities, leading to decreased productivity and economic potential. Moreover, illiteracy can widen social inequalities and hinder social cohesion. Those who lack literacy skills may struggle to participate fully in civic life, making it harder for them to engage in politics, culture, and community affairs. This exclusion may foster division and weaken social bonds within society.
In conclusion, the increasing illiteracy rates in some developed countries are a matter of concern. The effects of illiteracy on society encompass economic limitations, reduced social cohesion, and perpetuated inequality. To address this issue, it is crucial for governments and educational institutions to prioritize literacy education, promote reading culture, and provide equal access to quality education for all members of society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove trend repetition Original: a concerning trend of increasing illiteracy rates Suggested revision: a concerning rise in illiteracy rates Why it matters: “Rise” expresses the increase directly without the redundant combination of “trend” and “increasing”.
- 2. Avoid repeated adjective Original: the potential effects Suggested revision: the consequences Why it matters: “Consequences” avoids repeating “potential” and names the social outcomes directly.
- 3. Clarify challenge relationship Original: the educational system's challenges Suggested revision: the challenges facing the educational system Why it matters: The revision makes clear that the system faces the challenges rather than possesses them.
- 4. Use formal emphasis phrase Original: focus more on STEM Suggested revision: place greater emphasis on STEM Why it matters: “Place greater emphasis on” is a precise formal collocation for curricular priority.
- 5. Show cause clearly Original: as they feel disconnected Suggested revision: because they feel disconnected Why it matters: “Because” states the causal relationship more precisely than the ambiguous “as”.
- 6. Use reporting collocation Original: expressed that Suggested revision: reported that Why it matters: People report or state a proposition; “expressed that” is not natural in this structure.
- 7. Remove duplicate addition Original: may also play a role Suggested revision: may play a role Why it matters: “Moreover” already marks the point as additional, so “also” is unnecessary.
- 8. Use equality term Original: the same opportunities Suggested revision: equal opportunities Why it matters: “Equal opportunities” states the access issue directly without requiring an unstated comparison group.
- 9. Add missing article phrase Original: promote reading culture Suggested revision: promote a culture of reading Why it matters: The natural expression is “a culture of reading” rather than “reading culture” in this context.
- 10. Use precise inequality verb Original: widen social inequalities Suggested revision: exacerbate social inequalities Why it matters: “Exacerbate” is a precise formal verb for making existing inequalities worse.
- 11. Use natural modifier Original: perpetuated inequality Suggested revision: persistent inequality Why it matters: “Persistent inequality” naturally describes inequality that continues over time.
- 12. Avoid heavy wording Original: further exacerbating the illiteracy issue Suggested revision: further worsening illiteracy Why it matters: The revision is more concise while preserving the causal meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- a concerning trend of increasing illiteracy rates a concerning rise in illiteracy rates
- the potential effects the consequences
- the educational system's challenges the challenges facing the educational system
- focus more on STEM place greater emphasis on STEM
- as they feel disconnected because they feel disconnected
- expressed that reported that
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its direct, well-organised coverage of both causes and societal effects, supported by relevant explanations across education, inequality, employment, and civic participation. Its main limitation is that the proposed link between STEM emphasis and illiteracy is somewhat speculative and the dropout example is asserted rather than demonstrated. Prioritise a more convincing causal chain with specific, credible support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed through relevant causes and a well-developed account of economic and social consequences.
Strengthen the first cause by explaining more convincingly how reduced humanities teaching would lead specifically to illiteracy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used effectively throughout.
Refine the links within the first body paragraph so that each step from curriculum priorities to disengagement and illiteracy follows more explicitly.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary conveys complex social and economic ideas with only occasional awkward collocations.
Replace imprecise phrases such as ‘attributed it to their apathy in education’ with more natural and exact wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few minor lapses do not impede communication.
Polish occasional article and phrasing choices to make already controlled complex sentences fully natural.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Illiteracy has traditionally been viewed as largely a problem in developing countries. However, it is becoming apparent that in some developed countries, the illiteracy rate is on the rise. Discuss possible causes for increasing illiteracy rates in developed countries. What effect it may have on society in such countries?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.