Some people fear that technology is gradually taking over control of our lives, while others think that it has led to many positive developments in all aspects of their lives. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In the tech-savvy era, it is an irrefutable fact that humankind has progressed tremendously, and the current era is enriched with inventions. A highly controversial issue today relates to whether to have technology is spreads its bad impacts on the life of human beings or not. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view and then explain why I believe that these developments have a number of merits that outweigh the demerits.
To begin with, there are people who argue that developments have negative impacts. Firstly, individuals cannot be able to spend time with their families. Because spending time with their family members is most necessary for making a strong bonding between them. Uses of Mobile phones is accountable for this issue. For instance, people give more preference to smartphones apart from family members, and they spend a lot of time on those. Therefore, they are not able to fulfil the daily needs of their family and proves blameworthy for lack of bonding with family members. Secondly, stress or depression is another striking reason which can be seen in the whole world due to these new inventions. To elaborate, these technologies spread a bad impact on children mostly. For instance, children play a number of video games on computers and cellphones, etcetera which are the parts of technology. Due to this, they cannot concentrate on their study, and the outcomes of this are that they suffer from a number of failures and go into depression or stress. Therefore, the world is becoming poor day by day, and predictions show that the upcoming young generation will be uneducated.
However, there are people who argue that the benefits of technology considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing is that nothing is impossible with technology. To explicate it, some type of work is that which needs a lot of hard work. The completion of that work is not easily possible by hand and needs any help. Technology is one parameter that makes work possible. Hence, with the help of different types of machines, hard to hard work is completed automatically within minutes without any struggle of people. Secondly, the use of CCTV cameras is another advantage that proves beneficial. Because CCTV cameras have a lot of applications and mainly work as security. Banking sector taking an example, there is a lot of money present in the number of accounts, and when any crime is being occurred at this place, then management of banks is plays recording of crime time on laptops or computers which is attached with cameras and proves helpful to find those people who do the crime. Hence, CCTV cameras give birth to a safe World.
To conclude, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, although technology is gradually taking over control of our lives, it has more positive outcomes, such as it makes work possible and making the world safer with security cameras.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove double modal Original: cannot be able to Suggested revision: are unable to Why it matters: Use one modal construction rather than combining 'cannot' with 'be able to'.
- 2. Correct collocation Original: making a strong bonding Suggested revision: forming a strong bond Why it matters: The natural collocation is 'form a strong bond'.
- 3. Fix subject phrase Original: Uses of Mobile phones is Suggested revision: The use of mobile phones is Why it matters: The singular noun 'use' needs an article and the singular verb 'is'.
- 4. Use comparison phrase Original: apart from family members Suggested revision: over their family members Why it matters: Use 'over' to express that smartphones receive greater preference.
- 5. Use object pronoun Original: those Suggested revision: them Why it matters: Use the object pronoun 'them' to refer back to smartphones.
- 6. Fix agreement Original: proves blameworthy for Suggested revision: are responsible for Why it matters: The plural subject 'they' requires a plural verb phrase.
- 7. Name the consequence Original: stress or depression is another striking reason Suggested revision: stress and depression are further serious consequences Why it matters: Stress and depression are presented as consequences, and the plural phrase needs 'are'.
- 8. Correct impact phrase Original: spread a bad impact Suggested revision: have a negative impact Why it matters: English uses the collocation 'have a negative impact'.
- 9. Place adverb naturally Original: children mostly Suggested revision: mostly children Why it matters: Place 'mostly' before the noun it limits.
- 10. Fix noun phrase Original: which are the parts of technology Suggested revision: which are forms of technology Why it matters: The article is unnecessary when describing these devices as forms of technology.
- 11. Use plural noun Original: study Suggested revision: studies Why it matters: The plural noun 'studies' is the standard expression for academic work.
- 12. Fix number agreement Original: the outcomes of this are that Suggested revision: the outcome is that Why it matters: A single stated result requires the singular noun and verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- cannot be able to are unable to
- making a strong bonding forming a strong bond
- Uses of Mobile phones is The use of mobile phones is
- apart from family members over their family members
- those them
- proves blameworthy for are responsible for
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly discusses both perspectives and maintains a consistent preference for technology's benefits, using separate ideas and examples for each side. Its main limitation is that several claims are exaggerated or only loosely supported, while frequent awkward grammar and collocations reduce precision. The highest priority is to develop fewer, more realistic arguments with clear causal explanation and consistently accurate sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are presented, but some supporting claims are exaggerated, weakly relevant, or insufficiently justified.
Develop each main idea through a realistic explanation and a directly relevant example before moving to the next point.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has clear paragraphing and an overall logical sequence, although cohesion is mechanical and some links between claims are unclear.
Use fewer formulaic linking phrases and make the logical relationship between consecutive sentences explicit.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choice and collocation reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace memorised or awkward phrases with precise common collocations, especially when describing effects, work, and security.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause structure, and sentence boundaries weaken control.
Prioritise complete sentences with accurate subject-verb agreement before adding complex subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people fear that technology is gradually taking over control of our lives, while others think that it has led to many positive developments in all aspects of their lives. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.