Some people fear that technology is gradually taking over control of our lives, while others think that it has led to many positive developments in all aspects of their lives. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The impact of technology on our lives is highly debatable with some expressing concerns, others, on the contrary, emphasising the positive developments it brings. This essay will discuss both perspectives and conclude by expressing that technology is indeed gradually taking control of our lives.
Proponents of the positive development of technology advocate that it has led to numerous positive developments in various domains, and keeps improving lives. For instance, in the field of communication, technology has revolutionised the way people connect and interact. Social media platforms, video calls, and instant messaging applications have made it easier for individuals to maintain relationships, share experiences, and collaborate across long distances. Moreover, technology has enhanced access to information, enabling individuals to acquire knowledge at their fingertips and facilitating learning opportunities for people of all ages. The internet has made education more accessible through online courses, virtual libraries, and research databases.
However, there is growing concern that technology is gradually taking over control of our lives. With the increasing reliance on smartphones, people are constantly connected and immersed in the digital world. Social media platforms and mobile applications are designed to capture and retain our attention, leading to addictive behaviours and reducing real-life interactions. For instance, individuals may find themselves spending excessive amounts of time scrolling through social media feeds or playing online games, neglecting face-to-face interactions and other essential aspects of life. Moreover, the collection and use of personal data by technology companies raise privacy and security concerns, as our personal information becomes vulnerable to exploitation.
In conclusion, the extensive presence of technology in our daily lives, the addictive nature of digital platforms, and the potential erosion of privacy are harmful and pervasive. While technology undeniably brings convenience and efficiency, it is crucial to set boundaries, practise digital detox, and foster face-to-face interactions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid repeated development wording Original: positive development of technology Suggested revision: benefits of technology Why it matters: Benefits avoids repeating positive developments later in the same sentence.
- 2. Use a reporting verb Original: advocate Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue that is the natural construction for reporting a position.
- 3. Remove comma and clarify tense Original: , and keeps improving lives Suggested revision: and continues to improve lives Why it matters: The coordinated predicate does not need a comma, and continues expresses the ongoing effect naturally.
- 4. Fix the access collocation Original: acquire Suggested revision: access Why it matters: People access knowledge, while acquire normally describes gaining it through learning.
- 5. Use a natural opportunity verb Original: facilitating Suggested revision: creating Why it matters: Create opportunities is the natural collocation for making them available.
- 6. Remove the generic article Original: With the increasing reliance on smartphones Suggested revision: With increasing reliance on smartphones Why it matters: Reliance is used generally here and does not require the.
- 7. Use concise time wording Original: spending excessive amounts of time Suggested revision: spending excessive time Why it matters: Excessive time expresses the same meaning without the wordy amounts of phrase.
- 8. Use natural digital-break wording Original: practise digital detox Suggested revision: take regular digital breaks Why it matters: Take digital breaks is a natural verb phrase for periodically disconnecting from devices.
- 9. Use concise benefit wording Original: numerous positive developments in various domains Suggested revision: numerous benefits across different areas Why it matters: The replacement avoids repeating developments and expresses the broad scope naturally.
- 10. Use concise domain wording Original: in the field of communication Suggested revision: in communication Why it matters: The shorter phrase identifies the same area without unnecessary framing.
- 11. Use concise clause structure Original: the way people connect and interact Suggested revision: how people connect and interact Why it matters: How introduces the manner clause more concisely than the way.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The impact of technology on our lives is highly debatable with some expressing concerns, others, on the contrary, emphasising the positive developments it brings. Suggested revision: The impact of technology on our lives is highly debatable: some people express concern, whereas others emphasise its positive effects. Why it matters: The rewrite supplies parallel finite clauses and makes the contrast easy to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- positive development of technology benefits of technology
- advocate argue
- , and keeps improving lives and continues to improve lives
- acquire access
- facilitating creating
- With the increasing reliance on smartphones With increasing reliance on smartphones
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay discusses both views fully, maintains a clear concern about technology's growing control and supports each side with relevant examples from communication, education, attention and privacy. Its strongest feature is the specific, well-balanced development, while the main limitation is minor repetition and a few awkward phrases in the introduction. Tighten the thesis and make the final comparison explicit about why the risks outweigh the acknowledged benefits.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives are fully developed with relevant examples, and the position that technology is taking excessive control remains clear throughout.
Strengthen the evaluation by stating explicitly why addiction and privacy risks outweigh gains in communication and education.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically paragraphled, and progression from benefits to concerns and judgement is clear and easy to follow.
Reduce repetition of the idea that technology is taking control by reserving the strongest formulation for the thesis and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, precise and well suited to communication, education, addiction and privacy, with only isolated awkward repetition.
Replace the repeated phrase "positive developments" with more specific terms such as "benefits," "advances" or the exact domain being discussed.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only rare minor awkwardness that does not impede meaning.
Refine the opening sentence by using parallel clauses: "some express concern, while others emphasise the benefits it brings."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people fear that technology is gradually taking over control of our lives, while others think that it has led to many positive developments in all aspects of their lives. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.