Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Nowadays, the co-educational system is considered as the best option in many countries. Some believe that it is better that young females and males study separately, while others mention that studying together can be more beneficial. I will discuss both sides and will give my opinion.
On the one hand, those believing that education systems should be a separate gender-based system have their own reasons. One is that this method can be safer. Every year, numerous sexual offences are reported by the local or national news, regarding of rape or other inappropriate sexual behaviours, especially in countries permitting both genders to study in one school. However, studying in single-gender-institutions can reduce the rate of these figures. As a prime example, thousands of sexual assaults are reported in the U.S. schools annually but had the government considered unisex education, these rates would have dramatically decreased. Another reason is that this system may raise religious conflicts. In some countries, some opponents are not interested in sending their children to these types of schools, and this has become hot potato between different religious groups. For instance, French Islamic citizens prefer their children to study in a single sex school, whereas the administration admits both genders in one educational place.
On the other hand, I personally give a green light to those supporting co-educational system. The first reason behind it is that this system definitely would be less costly. Clearly, to divide girls and boys, governments have to spend more money on education because they cannot use empty spaces of a female school for a male one, or vice versa. As a result, less educational facilities should be provided for scholars, declining the total education budget. Furthermore, this method can improve students’ communication skills. Obviously, having a better relationship with the opposite sex, juveniles will have a closer relationship not only during their study but during their matrimonial life. They generally have fewer marriage problems with their partner due to having a better experience before. In this way, Sigmund Freud, a very familiar former psychologist, believe that humans’ social skills are fundamentally developed as they have closer feelings to their opposite sex during childhood.
In conclusion, although in some countries co-educational system is not popular, I agree with it. Not only in this measure more governmental budget can be saved, but youth can have better relationships with the opposite gender. Hopefully, a global tendency will propagate this method of education in the near future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove consider preposition Original: is considered as the best option Suggested revision: is considered the best option Why it matters: Considered takes a direct complement here without as.
- 2. Fix better construction Original: better that young females and males study Suggested revision: better for young women and men to study Why it matters: The pattern better for someone to do something is grammatical and natural.
- 3. Use argument verb Original: mention Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue accurately introduces a viewpoint in a discussion essay.
- 4. Simplify belief phrase Original: those believing that education systems should be a separate gender-based system Suggested revision: those who believe education should be separated by gender Why it matters: The relative clause and passive structure express the group and policy grammatically.
- 5. Fix news preposition Original: reported by the local or national news Suggested revision: reported in local or national news Why it matters: Events are reported in the news, while reporters or outlets report them.
- 6. Fix offence phrase Original: regarding of rape Suggested revision: involving rape Why it matters: Involving directly and grammatically identifies the type of offence.
- 7. Use uncountable behaviour Original: behaviours Suggested revision: behaviour Why it matters: Behaviour is normally uncountable when referring generally to conduct.
- 8. Name incident count Original: the rate of these figures Suggested revision: the number of these incidents Why it matters: Incidents can have a number, whereas figures themselves do not have a rate in this context.
- 9. Use conflict collocation Original: raise religious conflicts Suggested revision: cause religious conflict Why it matters: Cause is the natural verb for bringing about conflict.
- 10. Use formal dispute term Original: become hot potato Suggested revision: become a contentious issue Why it matters: The revision replaces an informal idiom and supplies the missing article.
- 11. Use community adjective Original: Islamic Suggested revision: Muslim Why it matters: Muslim describes people, while Islamic more commonly describes things related to the religion.
- 12. Use precise school noun Original: one educational place Suggested revision: one school Why it matters: School is the precise and natural noun for the institution being discussed.
Suggested Rewrites
- is considered as the best option is considered the best option
- better that young females and males study better for young women and men to study
- mention argue
- those believing that education systems should be a separate gender-based system those who believe education should be separated by gender
- reported by the local or national news reported in local or national news
- regarding of rape involving rape
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay discusses both educational models at length, organises the contrasting views clearly, and maintains an explicit preference for mixed schools. However, several supporting claims are questionable or imprecisely reasoned, and frequent unnatural expressions weaken otherwise ambitious language. The highest-priority improvement is to build each argument from a defensible cause-and-effect explanation, then replace forced idioms and inaccurate collocations with precise academic wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are addressed with substantial development, but some reasons rely on doubtful assumptions or unclear logic.
Use more credible evidence and explain how each proposed benefit follows directly from the school model being discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, though references such as this system or this method occasionally become ambiguous.
Name the relevant school model explicitly whenever the discussion shifts between single-sex and co-educational schooling.
Lexical Resource
The response displays a broad vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations and forced idioms reduce precision and naturalness.
Prefer accurate academic expressions over phrases such as give a green light, hot potato, and propagate this method.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures successfully at times, but article, agreement, modifier, and sentence-pattern errors remain noticeable.
Revise complex sentences for clear subjects and correct agreement, particularly after introductory participial phrases and in inverted structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.