More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why is this? Who benefits more from this, the communities or these young people?
Sample Response
It is indeed a fact that any poor country can thrive with enough charity work. And youngsters from developed countries become a helping hand to such countries by doing works like teaching and construction. In this essay, I will discuss the reason behind it, and we will see how it benefits both parties.
Showing kindness to others is one of the most significant gestures. We often teach our young ones to help anyone in need, regardless of race, gender, or nationality. As a result, we have observed a lot of communities from affluent countries that try to help those in desperate need of help. This act of kindness teaches them the value of human life. In this materialistic world, they learn about the importance of life. These acts also make them realize how fortunate they are and constantly reminds them to be humble and grateful. Such qualities cannot be taught in a classroom; therefore, they try to help people from developed countries.
On the other hand, countries that struggle to provide necessities benefit from the generous act of foreign youngsters. Unfortunate people who cannot afford an education can take advantage of young talent. Also, Benefits are not limited to education only. Nowadays, volunteers also provide help to build houses or cure viral diseases with the help of advanced technology.
But still, who is more beneficial? Well, In my opinion, both parties enjoy different benefits. Youngsters learn the most crucial lesson of kindness and develop a sense of satisfaction, and the developing country gets help with little to no investment to resolve various burning issues.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the reference Original: the reason behind it Suggested revision: the reasons behind this trend Why it matters: The revision identifies the trend clearly and suits the possibility of multiple reasons.
- 2. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: reminds Suggested revision: remind Why it matters: The plural subject “These acts” requires the plural verb “remind.”
- 3. Correct the destination Original: help people from developed countries Suggested revision: help people in developing countries Why it matters: The original phrase contradicts the essay's stated focus on volunteering in poorer countries.
- 4. Use precise wording Original: Unfortunate Suggested revision: Disadvantaged Why it matters: “Disadvantaged” describes limited access to education more precisely and appropriately.
- 5. Avoid an unintended meaning Original: take advantage of young talent Suggested revision: benefit from the skills of young volunteers Why it matters: “Take advantage of” can imply exploitation, while the revision expresses the intended benefit clearly.
- 6. Fix capitalization Original: Benefits Suggested revision: benefits Why it matters: After the introductory word “Also,” the noun should not begin with a capital letter.
- 7. Use a direct verb Original: provide help to build houses Suggested revision: help build houses Why it matters: The direct verb phrase is more concise and natural.
- 8. Improve the collocation Original: cure viral diseases with the help of advanced technology Suggested revision: help treat viral diseases using advanced technology Why it matters: “Help treat diseases” is a more accurate and natural collocation for volunteer assistance.
- 9. Use a formal transition Original: But still Suggested revision: Nevertheless Why it matters: The revision creates a more formal transition into the comparison of benefits.
- 10. Fix informal phrasing Original: Well, In my opinion Suggested revision: In my opinion Why it matters: Removing the filler also resolves the incorrect capitalization after the comma.
- 11. Choose a natural phrase Original: crucial Suggested revision: valuable Why it matters: “Most valuable lesson” expresses the intended importance more naturally.
- 12. Use a general plural Original: the developing country Suggested revision: developing countries Why it matters: The argument concerns poorer countries generally, so a plural noun is needed.
Suggested Rewrites
- the reason behind it the reasons behind this trend
- reminds remind
- help people from developed countries help people in developing countries
- Unfortunate Disadvantaged
- take advantage of young talent benefit from the skills of young volunteers
- Benefits benefits
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is easy to follow and uses relevant ideas about personal growth and practical support for poorer communities. Its main limitation is incomplete task coverage: the motivation is only partly explained, and the conclusion does not decide which side benefits more. The highest-priority improvement is to make a clear comparison and support it with more specific reasoning throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed, but the reason is only partly developed and the response avoids a clear judgment about who benefits more.
State which group benefits more and justify that comparison with specific, fully developed reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognizable progression and sensible paragraphing, although some links between claims are loose or repetitive.
Give each body paragraph one precise purpose and make every supporting sentence advance that central idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but several word choices and collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural combinations such as volunteer work, gain the greatest benefit, and people in developing countries.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly despite recurring agreement, capitalization, and sentence-control errors.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, accurate reference words, and unnecessary capitalization.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why is this? Who benefits more from this, the communities or these young people?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.