More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why is this? Who benefits more from this, the communities or these young people?
Sample Response
It is common to see that an increasing number of people from developed nations are rendering voluntary services like teaching and building houses for underprivileged communities. In my opinion, youth benefit from some invaluable experiences from this more than charity work. Still, I think this can benefit the community more who are receiving this helps from the affluent countries.
While we analyze the major reasons why the trend is becoming more popular, the most sensible one is the experience the youth is expected to get while working among the underprivileged. To be precise, these communities are socially and economically backward as the literacy rate is very poor. Services such as teaching provided to these backward communities can help build their strong economy and uplift their social status. Also, small contributions can lead to having a big impact eventually. For example, many students may not have basic educational essentials like study books, materials, etc. Similarly, when houses are built in these areas, modern technology can rarely be used because of the lack of knowledge. So even the knowledge in the form of education can be imparted to them so that modern technologies can be leveraged by the underprivileged. By surviving these challenges, these volunteers get some most memorable experiences, which they can cherish throughout their life.
Turning to the benefits received, it can be undoubtedly said that it is more beneficial for the community which receives the service. This is because of massive visible changes which can be anticipated in society. For instance, the availability of qualified teachers would make the child literate and be considered one of the major factors in achieving their dreams and career goals. Likewise, constructing good houses will improve their living standards and make them more secure. On the whole, these services make them more civilized and uplift their respective communities’ status.
To conclude, it is clear that the main reason why more people from affluent nations render voluntary services to communities in poor nations is to gain a memorable experience. The receiving community definitely benefits more from this than those who deliver it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: rendering voluntary services Suggested revision: providing volunteer services Why it matters: ‘Providing volunteer services’ is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 2. Improve opening link Original: While we analyze Suggested revision: When considering Why it matters: This transition introduces the analysis more directly and avoids an unnecessary first-person reference.
- 3. Fix agreement Original: the youth is expected Suggested revision: young people are expected Why it matters: The plural phrase provides clear and natural subject–verb agreement.
- 4. Choose correct preposition Original: among Suggested revision: with Why it matters: Volunteers work ‘with’ communities rather than ‘among’ them in this meaning.
- 5. Use neutral language Original: backward Suggested revision: disadvantaged Why it matters: ‘Disadvantaged’ is more precise and appropriately neutral in formal writing.
- 6. Correct collocation Original: poor Suggested revision: low Why it matters: A numerical rate is described as ‘low’, not ‘poor’.
- 7. Use neutral language Original: backward Suggested revision: disadvantaged Why it matters: ‘Disadvantaged’ avoids the inappropriate and imprecise label ‘backward’.
- 8. Fix word combination Original: build their strong economy Suggested revision: strengthen their economy Why it matters: ‘Strengthen an economy’ is the natural collocation for this meaning.
- 9. Use correct gerund Original: having Suggested revision: making Why it matters: The fixed expression is ‘make an impact’, so ‘making’ is required here.
- 10. Use precise examples Original: educational essentials like study books, materials, etc. Suggested revision: essential educational resources such as textbooks and study materials Why it matters: The revision replaces vague wording and ‘etc.’ with precise formal terms.
- 11. State current condition Original: modern technology can rarely be used Suggested revision: modern technology is rarely used Why it matters: The simple passive describes the stated present condition more directly than a modal construction.
- 12. Correct verb choice Original: surviving Suggested revision: overcoming Why it matters: People ‘overcome’ challenges; ‘survive’ suggests escaping physical danger.
Suggested Rewrites
- rendering voluntary services providing volunteer services
- While we analyze When considering
- the youth is expected young people are expected
- among with
- backward disadvantaged
- poor low
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear final view that poorer communities benefit more and provides relevant examples involving education and housing. Its main limitation is uneven development: the explanation of why young people volunteer repeatedly shifts toward benefits for communities, and several sentences express relationships imprecisely. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the two questions more clearly and develop a focused causal explanation for volunteers' motivation before comparing benefits.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered and the position is clear, but the reason for volunteering is only partly developed and overlaps with discussion of community benefits.
Develop the volunteers' motivation as a distinct causal argument before evaluating which group benefits more.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure is clear and the response is easy to follow overall, although progression within the first body paragraph is uneven.
Keep each paragraph centred on one question and order supporting details so that every example advances that paragraph's main claim.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, but awkward collocations and imprecise choices recur.
Replace expressions such as receiving this helps, some most memorable experiences, and make them more civilized with natural, precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the argument, though agreement, article, reference, and clause-construction errors occur regularly.
Prioritise accurate noun agreement and pronoun reference, especially in sentences describing communities, children, and volunteers.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why is this? Who benefits more from this, the communities or these young people?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.