While studying some students take weekend or evening jobs to help with expenditure. How do you feel about this? What are the drawbacks and benefits of such a decision? What is your view?
Sample Response
Meeting expenses while being a student has been a challenge. Doing part-time workDoing a part-time work to meetaccommodate daily needs has advantages as well as disadvantages which need to be weighed before making a choice.
The benefits are easier fee paymentease of fee payment and additional pocket money. In today's high-cost environmentthis expensive world, paying a course fee is an insurmountable obstacle for the middle and lower class society. Hence, it has become inevitable for students to seekcontemplate another source of income. Another main benefit is pocket moneyAnother chief reason is pocket money for personal expenditure. Most children like to havepossess extra cash at their disposal because it gives some flexibility and independence in choosing things they want to buy and to satisfy their personal wantstheir little desires.
On the flip side, working outside study hoursworking after studies can cause stress and also distract students from their studiestrigger deviation from studies. Doing a job outsidebeyond school hours could have an adverse effect on the mental health of a student due to long hours spenta large number of hours that are spent on stressful activities. Furthermore, deteriorating healthFurther, deterioration of health could lead to depression and increased anxiety. Another demerit is a distraction from educationa distraction from the mainstream which is education. Some students could be luredFew students could get lured to part-time work in search of easy money and gradually shift focus from schoolwork to a temporary jobfrom school work to temporary job as they taste the financial benefitsthe benefits of money. This enticement could seriously mislead them to become aimless citizens.
To recapitulate, there are both merits and demerits to doing an additional job. I opine that students have to carefully introspect and monitor their situation and take an approach tailor-made for them as one strategy does not fit all the pupils. If they need to work due to a poor financial background, they must strike a balance between earning extra money and studying, which assures that there would no side effects due to side income.
(Answer by Kishore)
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay provides a balanced account of financial benefits and academic or health drawbacks, then offers a clear, sensible view that employment depends on individual need and requires careful balance. The argument is logically organised and adequately developed, though some consequences are overstated and several expressions are unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to support the risks with a realistic example and replace inflated wording with precise academic language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Benefits, drawbacks, and a qualified personal view are all addressed with relevant development, although the claim about becoming aimless citizens is exaggerated.
Use a concrete example to show how excessive working hours can affect study performance without overstating the likely outcome.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses clearly through benefits, drawbacks, and a balanced conclusion, with focused paragraphs and generally effective linking.
Clarify the internal sequence of the drawbacks paragraph by separating health effects from loss of academic focus.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied, but recurring awkward collocations and overly formal choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Prefer expressions such as part-time job, cover expenses, distract from studies, and assess their circumstances carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is used with generally clear meaning, though article, determiner, agreement, and clause-form errors remain noticeable.
Proofread noun phrases and dependent clauses, particularly forms such as part-time work, few students, and there would be no.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
While studying some students take weekend or evening jobs to help with expenditure. How do you feel about this? What are the drawbacks and benefits of such a decision? What is your view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.