In many countries, people now wear western-style dress such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
It is seen that in several nations masses currently wear western attires than traditional apparels. Out of many reasons, prevalent fashion, as well as the influence of famous celebrities, compel them to wear western clothes. I think it is a positive development, and the subsequent paragraphs will elucidate the information regarding it.
First off, prevalent fashion is responsible for making people wear western attires. Western clothes are more comfortable and in different designs. So, people think, when they wear western clothes, they feel confident and look up-to-dated. They do not consider them backwards anymore. So, they wear such kinds of apparel. For instance, there are various styles of dresses to wear on different occasions. So, people get tempted by these and purchase western dresses. In a nutshell, western clothes are in vibrant colours and are more comfortable, so it is the choice of every working mother. It is because mothers do not have time to iron the press. So, they consider a top and a Jean is best for her to wear regularly. Thus, such kinds of clothes make them feel lighter, and these mothers do not get late for any of their meetings. So, they prefer western attires.
Furthermore, Nowadays, people are mostly influenced by famous celebrities, which are widely known by their appearance or styles. So, artists personalities influence the people to wear like them. So, they prefer more western clothes. Besides, they consider if they wear clothes like them, they can look dandy, and they will also be popular among people. Therefore, they wear western clothes. Also, to get rid of their old look, western dresses make them feel satisfied. Apart from it, some are entrepreneurs, so they have to deal with foreign clients. Thus to make their deals done and to make others comfortable, they wear western clothes.
To conclude, in consideration of the above analysis, it is true that people wear western clothes because they want to groom their personality as well as follow famous actors and to be like them, they wear western apparel. I think it is a positive development because they feel confident as well as energetic when they wear western clothes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: Out of many reasons Suggested revision: Among the main reasons Why it matters: Among the main reasons is the natural phrase for introducing selected causes.
- 2. Use a clear collocation Original: prevalent fashion, as well as Suggested revision: current fashion trends, as well as Why it matters: Current fashion trends is clearer and more idiomatic than prevalent fashion.
- 3. State the purpose clearly Original: the information regarding it Suggested revision: the reasons for this view Why it matters: The replacement clearly identifies what the following paragraphs will explain.
- 4. Use formal sequencing Original: First off Suggested revision: To begin with Why it matters: To begin with is more appropriate for the formal register of an academic essay.
- 5. Use a natural subject Original: prevalent fashion is responsible Suggested revision: current fashion trends are responsible Why it matters: The plural phrase current fashion trends is both idiomatic and grammatically matched with are.
- 6. Correct the expression Original: look up-to-dated Suggested revision: look up to date Why it matters: Up to date is the correct fixed expression in this complement position.
- 7. Use the reflexive pronoun Original: consider them backwards Suggested revision: consider themselves backward Why it matters: The subject and object refer to the same people, requiring themselves, while backward is the adjective form.
- 8. Match kind and noun Original: such kinds of apparel Suggested revision: this kind of apparel Why it matters: The singular mass noun apparel is correctly paired with this kind of.
- 9. Clarify the reference Original: get tempted by these Suggested revision: are attracted to these styles Why it matters: The replacement uses a natural verb and gives these a clear noun referent.
- 10. Correct the expression Original: iron the press Suggested revision: iron their clothes Why it matters: Iron their clothes expresses the intended household task, whereas iron the press is not meaningful here.
- 11. Use the correct phrase Original: do not get late Suggested revision: are not late Why it matters: Be late is the standard English expression for arriving after the expected time.
- 12. Correct the capitalization Original: Nowadays Suggested revision: nowadays Why it matters: Nowadays should not be capitalized after the introductory connector and comma.
Suggested Rewrites
- Out of many reasons Among the main reasons
- prevalent fashion, as well as current fashion trends, as well as
- the information regarding it the reasons for this view
- First off To begin with
- prevalent fashion is responsible current fashion trends are responsible
- look up-to-dated look up to date
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear position and supplies several relevant reasons for the popularity of Western clothing, so its central message remains easy to follow. However, the positive evaluation is largely asserted through repeated claims about confidence and convenience, while frequent awkward word choices and grammatical errors weaken precision. Develop the evaluative argument with one focused cause-and-effect example, then edit for natural collocations, agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions and states a consistent positive position, but the reasons are repetitive and the evaluation is only partly developed.
Explain one specific wider benefit of adopting Western clothing and support it with a clear cause-and-effect example rather than repeated assertions about confidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall progression from fashion and convenience to celebrity and business influence is clear, although cohesion is repetitive and some ideas are loosely connected.
Replace repeated sentence-initial So with more varied logical connections and divide the long first body paragraph into more focused stages.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss fashion, comfort, influence, and work, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Use natural singular and uncountable forms such as attire and clothing, and replace phrases such as iron the press and make their deals done.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex sentences, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, pronouns, capitalization, and sentence construction remain noticeable throughout.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and article-pronoun consistency, then combine short repetitive clauses into accurately controlled complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, people now wear western-style dress such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.