In many countries, people now wear western-style dress such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
It has become increasingly common in recent years for individuals globally to dress in western-influenced clothing. In my opinion, this is a natural result of corporate and cultural globalization and is broadly negative.
The main cause of this phenomenon is globalization. This relates firstly to culture. The growth of the media industry generally and online media more specifically has spread primarily American cultural values. Individuals living in distant nations watch the latest blockbuster Hollywood movies, listen to the same singers and emulate their lifestyle choices including fashion. Secondly, mass production enables this homogeneity. Hundreds of years ago, consumers had no choice other than to buy clothes produced by local artisans. Now, companies like Louis Vuitton and Tommy Hilfiger can fabricate identical items of clothing to be shipped globally at affordable prices, forcing many local businesses into bankruptcy.
The positive side of this trend, lower prices and potential inspiration from western fashion, are largely overshadowed by the injurious impact on cultural diversity. For example, in many parts of Asia, there are the rich cultural traditions of various ethnic minorities. These skilled garment-makers follow traditions dating back hundreds of years. The clothing produced is not only beautiful, but also more environmentally friendly and unique. However, these days few local residents are interested as they prefer wealthy western fashion brands that showcase their social status. The result is that the values being espoused by fashion are material wealth and appearances rather than tradition, culture, and artistic skill.
In conclusion, western fashion trends are ubiquitous today due to the effects of globalization and this represents a negative shift in values. Individuals should therefore strive to ignore these trends and purchase clothes that express their culture better when possible.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: individuals globally Suggested revision: people around the world Why it matters: This phrase is more idiomatic while preserving the global scope.
- 2. Use parallel phrasing Original: generally and online media more specifically Suggested revision: in general and online media in particular Why it matters: The paired expressions ‘in general’ and ‘in particular’ create a clearer contrast.
- 3. Place the adverb clearly Original: has spread primarily American cultural values Suggested revision: has primarily spread American cultural values Why it matters: Moving ‘primarily’ makes it clearly modify the act of spreading rather than the nationality of the values.
- 4. Avoid redundant wording Original: the latest blockbuster Hollywood movies Suggested revision: the latest Hollywood blockbusters Why it matters: ‘Blockbusters’ already denotes successful films, making ‘blockbuster movies’ unnecessarily repetitive.
- 5. Clarify the example Original: emulate their lifestyle choices including fashion Suggested revision: emulate their lifestyles, including their fashion choices Why it matters: The revision makes fashion a clear example of the lifestyle features being copied.
- 6. Improve the collocation Original: enables Suggested revision: facilitates Why it matters: ‘Facilitates’ more naturally describes how mass production contributes to uniformity.
- 7. Use precise wording Original: fabricate identical items of clothing Suggested revision: mass-produce identical garments Why it matters: ‘Mass-produce’ names the manufacturing process more precisely in this context.
- 8. Use natural wording Original: injurious Suggested revision: harmful Why it matters: ‘Harmful impact’ is the more natural collocation for a negative cultural effect.
- 9. Remove the article Original: there are the rich cultural traditions Suggested revision: there are rich cultural traditions Why it matters: The definite article is not needed when introducing these traditions for the first time.
- 10. Fix the description Original: wealthy western fashion brands Suggested revision: prestigious Western fashion brands Why it matters: People can be wealthy, while ‘prestigious’ accurately describes brands associated with social status.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: This relates firstly to culture. Suggested revision: One aspect of this globalization is its cultural influence. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces the vague reference ‘This’ with an explicit link to the preceding cause.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The positive side of this trend, lower prices and potential inspiration from western fashion, are largely overshadowed by the injurious impact on cultural diversity. Suggested revision: The positive aspects of this trend—lower prices and potential inspiration from Western fashion—are largely overshadowed by its harmful impact on cultural diversity. Why it matters: Changing ‘side’ to plural ‘aspects’ resolves the subject–verb disagreement and integrates the two examples clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- individuals globally people around the world
- generally and online media more specifically in general and online media in particular
- has spread primarily American cultural values has primarily spread American cultural values
- the latest blockbuster Hollywood movies the latest Hollywood blockbusters
- emulate their lifestyle choices including fashion emulate their lifestyles, including their fashion choices
- enables facilitates
Why this response received Band 8.5
The essay answers both questions directly, sustaining a clear negative evaluation while explaining cultural media influence and global mass production in depth. Its progression and vocabulary are particularly strong, though a few grammatical agreement slips and slightly strained word choices weaken an otherwise polished response. The highest-priority improvement is careful final editing for subject-verb agreement and fully natural lexical combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and the writer’s negative evaluation are addressed directly through well-developed explanations and relevant cultural examples.
Strengthen the evaluation further by acknowledging the stated benefits more specifically before demonstrating why the cultural costs outweigh them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information and arguments are sequenced with highly clear progression, and paragraphing and referencing support an effortless overall flow.
Make the internal transition from cultural influence to mass production slightly smoother so the two causes form an even more integrated explanation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible, although a few choices such as “wealthy western fashion brands” and “injurious impact” feel less natural.
Replace occasional over-formal or imprecise combinations with idiomatic alternatives such as “luxury Western brands” and “harmful effect.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is handled accurately, with only occasional agreement errors that do not affect clarity.
Proofread subject-verb agreement in constructions such as “The positive side ... is” and simplify awkward existential phrasing where needed.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, people now wear western-style dress such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.