‘Presentation is better than cure’ and that’s why more money from health budget should be spent on promoting a healthy lifestyle to prevent illness. Therefore it is wise to spend more money to prevent illness than to spend on curing people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
‘Presentation is better than cure’ and that’s why more money from health budget should be spent on promoting a healthy lifestyle to prevent illness. Therefore it is wise to spend more money to prevent illness than to spend on curing people who are already ill.
In recent years, many countries have made a decision to spend a large proportion of money on disease prevention rather than the treatment of current patients. Yet, there remains some disagreement as to whether this strategy has been positive or negative. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that more money should spend on prevention than treatment. There are two primary reasons for this.
First of all, it is an indisputable fact that infection diseases are spreading fast. Consequently, tackling this problem is difficult without stopping the source of disease. For instance, some countries from West Africa have suffered from Ebola since last year. Despite the numerous of medicine and money that came from deferent countries and organisation most of the patients died. Thus, promoting the healthy lifestyle might be the best way to solve this situation. In other words, making vaccination will help countries to deal with many diseases.
Further and even more importantly, though, low level of health education and lack of exercises are responsible for such ailments as high blood pressure, obesity and heart diseases. However, by spending money to increase the level of understanding health problems in society can reduce the morbidity rate. Moreover, the increasing number of green areas in cities may encourage people to do outdoor sports and also allow people to breathing fresh air. These activities are very important for human health.
By the way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that it would be better if more money from the health budget are spent to protect people from illness rather than treating them after they become ill.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the expression Original: Presentation is better than cure Suggested revision: Prevention is better than cure Why it matters: The established expression uses “prevention,” not “presentation.”
- 2. Add the article Original: money from health budget Suggested revision: money from the health budget Why it matters: The specific national budget requires the definite article.
- 3. Use concise wording Original: made a decision to spend Suggested revision: decided to spend Why it matters: The single verb states the same action more directly.
- 4. Choose precise evaluation Original: strategy has been positive or negative Suggested revision: strategy has been beneficial or harmful Why it matters: These adjectives describe the effects of a policy more precisely.
- 5. Use passive voice Original: should spend on prevention Suggested revision: should be spent on prevention Why it matters: Money is the object being allocated, so the passive construction is required.
- 6. Use correct adjective Original: infection diseases Suggested revision: infectious diseases Why it matters: “Infectious” is the adjective used for diseases that can spread.
- 7. Use regional adjective Original: some countries from West Africa Suggested revision: some West African countries Why it matters: This is the natural form for countries located in that region.
- 8. Correct quantity phrase Original: the numerous of medicine Suggested revision: the large amount of medicine Why it matters: “Medicine” is uncountable here and needs “amount,” not “numerous.”
- 9. Correct the spelling Original: deferent countries Suggested revision: different countries Why it matters: “Deferent” is a different word; the intended adjective is “different.”
- 10. Fix plural and comma Original: organisation most Suggested revision: organisations, most Why it matters: The general plural is needed, followed by a comma before the main clause.
- 11. Use indefinite article Original: the healthy lifestyle Suggested revision: a healthy lifestyle Why it matters: The sentence refers to a healthy lifestyle generally rather than to one already identified.
- 12. Correct the collocation Original: making vaccination Suggested revision: providing vaccinations Why it matters: Vaccinations are provided or administered, not made.
Suggested Rewrites
- Presentation is better than cure Prevention is better than cure
- money from health budget money from the health budget
- made a decision to spend decided to spend
- strategy has been positive or negative strategy has been beneficial or harmful
- should spend on prevention should be spent on prevention
- infection diseases infectious diseases
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear position and organises two relevant reasons around infectious disease and lifestyle-related illness. Its main limitation is that the explanations sometimes conflate different forms of prevention and contain logical or grammatical gaps, so the evidence is less convincing than the structure suggests; the highest-priority improvement is to develop one precise preventive measure in each body paragraph and show clearly how funding it reduces illness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A consistent opinion is supported by two relevant main ideas, but parts of the explanation are general, imprecise, or only partly connected to budget priorities.
Explain how each proposed intervention would prevent a specific illness and why it deserves more funding than treatment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence and overall progression are clear, although some linking expressions are mechanical or do not accurately signal the relationship between ideas.
Use fewer prefabricated transitions and make each supporting sentence follow directly from the preceding claim.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate range for health and policy topics, but frequent spelling, word-form, and collocation errors reduce precision.
Correct recurring combinations such as 'infectious diseases', 'a large amount of medicine', and 'receive a vaccination'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, verb forms, and sentence construction weaken control without usually blocking meaning.
Prioritise passive forms and verb patterns, especially 'should be spent', 'allows people to breathe', and subject-verb agreement.