Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
"What would be the likely outcome if unpaid community services are made a mandatory part of high school programmes and whether it should be implemented for a greater good" is a question that needs to be answered. In the following paragraphs, I will try to explain why I do not support the idea of making unpaid community service a mandatory part of high school education.
To begin with, there should be no compulsory social unpaid work because such activities will hinder students' studies and academic performance. Many students will have to take time out of their studies cutting study time to complete mandatory social work. Many parents feel that young learners can be distracted from their studies when they would use community service as an excuse to spend time outdoors with friends. This will have a serious negative impact on their academic progress. For instance, more than 40% of high school learners spend time with their friends during their crucial study time which already worries their parents. If they can use mandatory unpaid community service as an excuse, the percentage would increase significantly.
Moreover, making unpaid community service a compulsory part of high school programmes may hinder students from pursuing their personal interests and passions. High school is a critical time for students to explore their talents and discover their potential career paths. Forcing them to engage in community service that may not align with their interests or goals could result in disengagement and a lack of enthusiasm. For example, a student who aspires to become a computer programmer may feel demotivated if they are required to spend their time volunteering at a local animal shelter, which might not contribute to their career aspirations.
In conclusion, while community service is a noble endeavour, making it a mandatory part of high school programmes can have severe drawbacks that need careful consideration.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use singular agreement Original: community services are made Suggested revision: community service is made Why it matters: “Community service” is uncountable in this general sense and takes a singular verb.
- 2. Use the fixed phrase Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The established expression uses the definite article “the.”
- 3. State purpose directly Original: In the following paragraphs, I will try to explain Suggested revision: I will explain Why it matters: The revision removes tentative metadiscourse and states the essay's purpose directly.
- 4. Use consistent terminology Original: compulsory social unpaid work Suggested revision: compulsory unpaid community service Why it matters: The revision uses the clear term from the prompt and places the modifiers naturally.
- 5. Keep the reference consistent Original: young learners can be distracted Suggested revision: students can be distracted Why it matters: Using “students” maintains a consistent reference to the high-school group.
- 6. Fix the condition Original: when they would use community service Suggested revision: if they use community service Why it matters: The real possibility requires an “if” clause with the present simple.
- 7. Set off the comment Original: during their crucial study time which already worries Suggested revision: during their crucial study time, which already worries Why it matters: The non-defining relative clause comments on the whole situation and requires a comma.
- 8. Match the hypothetical result Original: can Suggested revision: could Why it matters: The modal “could” matches the hypothetical result expressed by “would increase.”
- 9. Use concise framing Original: is a question that needs to be answered Suggested revision: is a question worth considering Why it matters: The revision removes formulaic wording while preserving the introduction's purpose.
- 10. Remove repeated meaning Original: such activities will hinder students' studies and academic performance Suggested revision: such activities will harm students' academic performance Why it matters: Academic performance already covers the effect on studies, so the shorter phrase is clearer.
- 11. Clarify the reference Original: This will have a serious negative impact Suggested revision: This distraction will have a serious negative impact Why it matters: Naming the distraction removes the vague demonstrative reference.
- 12. Specify the reference Original: the percentage would increase significantly Suggested revision: this percentage would rise significantly Why it matters: The demonstrative makes the link to the preceding percentage explicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- community services are made community service is made
- a the
- In the following paragraphs, I will try to explain I will explain
- compulsory social unpaid work compulsory unpaid community service
- young learners can be distracted students can be distracted
- when they would use community service if they use community service
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay maintains a clear disagreement and develops two distinct, relevant concerns: academic disruption and reduced freedom to pursue personal interests. Its organisation and supporting example in the second body paragraph are particularly effective, while the main weakness is that the first example relies on an unsupported statistic and a somewhat speculative assumption about students misusing service time. Replace that example with a realistic scheduling conflict and tighten the opening sentence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout and both objections are relevant and well developed, although the first supporting statistic and predicted misuse are not convincing.
Support the academic-pressure argument with a concrete timetable conflict or workload example rather than an unsupported percentage and assumption about excuses.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing, logical topic progression, and effective movement from academic effects to personal interests, with only minor repetition.
Condense the opening question and remove repeated references to mandatory social work and study time in the first body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally precise, especially when discussing academic progress, personal interests, disengagement, and career aspirations.
Replace awkward phrases such as social unpaid work, crucial study time, and implemented for a greater good with more natural academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with good control, though the opening construction and some conditional and participial clauses contain errors.
Rewrite the opening as a direct thesis and keep conditional forms consistent, using either can with will or could with would.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.