Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Sample Response
Nowadays, an alarming problem is that violent crime rates have increased considerably, particularly among young people under 18. To me, I strongly agree that lack of educating from parents is the main reason of this situation. This below essay will analyse clearly my view. The first reason that can be easily seen is that in modern life, parents almost spend their time on working to earn money. Obviously, there is less time to take care of and supervise their children carefully. In addtion, gap between parents and children have been expanded; so these children have rarely had chances to share their feelings to their parents as well as learned from family side. Moreover, there are plenty of negative items such as violent films, bad things from Internet of crime that survive around us; without parents’ control, children have been influenced on those things easily. Another factor that needs to be mentioned is that unstable marriage life have led to a surge in divorce rates. Having a broken family and shortage of love from both mother and father have caused distraction of those youngsters in their study and some significant negative impacts of their psychology. As a result, children with immature character have become more aggressive, behave rudely and particularly imitated violent film or plunged headlong into social evils. However, it is undeniable that parents is not the only factor that leads to increase young violent crime percentage. Since it depends on conceit of these youngsters about protecting themselves from harmful impacts, In spite of dealing with the above sitiuation, some of those children have lived positively. Neverthless, from what has been considered above, parents have played a vital role to prevent growth in crime rates. In conclusion, personality development of chilren is unable to be perfect without supporting frome family side. Futhermore, a propriate nurture of parents not only has helped to drop crime in youngsters but also produced good citizens for our future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use noun form Original: educating Suggested revision: education Why it matters: The noun ‘education’ is required after ‘lack of’.
- 2. Use correct preposition Original: of Suggested revision: for Why it matters: The noun ‘reason’ takes ‘for’ when introducing the situation it explains.
- 3. Remove misplaced modifier Original: This below essay Suggested revision: This essay Why it matters: ‘Below’ cannot modify ‘essay’ in this position.
- 4. Use natural expression Original: analyse clearly my view Suggested revision: clearly explain my view Why it matters: A writer explains a view rather than analysing the view itself in this sentence.
- 5. Fix adverb and pattern Original: parents almost spend their time on working Suggested revision: parents spend almost all their time working Why it matters: The revised order and verb pattern express that work occupies nearly all of the parents’ time.
- 6. Correct spelling Original: addtion Suggested revision: addition Why it matters: ‘Addition’ is misspelled.
- 7. Add definite article Original: gap between parents and children Suggested revision: the gap between parents and children Why it matters: The specific relationship gap being discussed requires ‘the’.
- 8. Match singular subject Original: have been expanded Suggested revision: has widened Why it matters: The singular subject ‘gap’ requires ‘has’, and a gap naturally ‘widens’.
- 9. Use natural singular phrase Original: had chances to share Suggested revision: had the chance to share Why it matters: ‘Have the chance to’ is the more natural expression for an ongoing opportunity.
- 10. Restore parallel structure Original: as well as learned Suggested revision: or to learn Why it matters: The infinitive form must be parallel with ‘to share’.
- 11. Choose accurate noun Original: items Suggested revision: influences Why it matters: Films and online material are influences rather than ‘items’ in this argument.
- 12. Clarify online content Original: Internet of crime Suggested revision: the Internet Why it matters: ‘Internet of crime’ is not a meaningful English expression in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- educating education
- of for
- This below essay This essay
- analyse clearly my view clearly explain my view
- parents almost spend their time on working parents spend almost all their time working
- addtion addition
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear opinion and presents several relevant links between family circumstances and youth crime. Its central weakness is that it concentrates almost entirely on parents, gives limited attention to social and emotional learning or teachers, and includes a confused counterpoint. The priority is to address the full claim directly, develop fewer causes more clearly, and edit persistent grammar and word-choice errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A consistent position and relevant parental causes are presented, but the full claim about social and emotional learning from parents and teachers is only partially addressed.
Explain explicitly how both parents and teachers provide the learning named in the question, using one developed example for each.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognisable introduction, body, counterpoint, and conclusion, but progression becomes unclear in the concession paragraph and linking is sometimes mechanical.
Give each paragraph one controlling idea and connect its supporting sentences through a clear cause-and-effect sequence.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss crime and family influence, but frequent spelling, word-form, and collocation errors make expression imprecise.
Replace memorised or awkward phrases with accurate combinations such as parental guidance, emotional support, and youth crime rates.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, prepositions, and sentence construction reduce accuracy.
Build shorter complete sentences and proofread every clause for subject-verb agreement and correct verb patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.