The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site.
Sample Response
The map demonstrates a present and a planned future development of an industrial area in the town of Norbiton.
Overall, it can be concluded that the planned future has more unique features, whereas the Norbiton industrial area now has fewer industrial. In addition, both maps have unique features, but one more than the other.
In contrast to today's industrial area, the planned future has added a new tool on the north of the factory. Furthermore, a playground and a school have been added on the north, while during the present there were fewer facilities.
Meanwhile, in the southern part of the map, the factory was expanded, replacing factories with housing; moreover, shops have been added. In contrast to today's development, there was practically nothing except for a factory.
In summary, it can be concluded that the future plan has more upgraded features. For example, in today's area there is a factory, while in the future, instead of upgrading the factory, they replaced it with houses.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Word choice Original: demonstrates Suggested revision: illustrates Why it matters: 'Illustrates' or 'shows' is more appropriate for maps than 'demonstrates'.
- 2. Incomplete phrase Original: fewer industrial Suggested revision: fewer industrial facilities Why it matters: 'Industrial' is an adjective and needs a noun to follow it here.
- 3. Repetitive/Vague Original: In addition, both maps have unique features, but one more than the other. Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This sentence is repetitive and does not add any meaningful information to the overview.
- 4. Inaccurate description Original: added a new tool on the north of the factory Suggested revision: constructed a new road and bridge crossing the river to the north Why it matters: The map shows a new road and bridge crossing the river to access housing on the farmland, not a 'tool'.
- 5. Preposition error Original: on the north Suggested revision: to the north Why it matters: Use 'to the north' when describing a direction relative to another area.
- 6. Awkward phrasing Original: during the present Suggested revision: at present Why it matters: 'At present' or 'currently' is the correct idiomatic expression.
- 7. Inaccurate data Original: the factory was expanded Suggested revision: the factories are planned to be demolished Why it matters: The factories are not being expanded; they are being completely replaced by housing.
- 8. Sentence flow Original: replacing factories with housing; moreover, shops have been added. Suggested revision: replacing factories with housing, and shops have been added. Why it matters: A coordinating conjunction works better here than a semicolon and 'moreover' to describe simple additions.
- 9. Inaccurate detail Original: there was practically nothing except for a factory. Suggested revision: there were several factories arranged around a roundabout and a main road. Why it matters: The original map shows multiple factories (at least 8 blocks), not just 'a factory'.
- 10. Article error Original: a present Suggested revision: the current Why it matters: Using 'the current' is grammatically correct and sounds much more natural when referring to the present-day map.
- 11. Awkward phrasing Original: the planned future Suggested revision: the future plan Why it matters: 'The planned future' sounds unnatural when referring to a map layout; 'the proposed layout' or 'the future plan' is better.
- 12. Cohesive device Original: Meanwhile Suggested revision: Looking at the southern section Why it matters: 'Meanwhile' is a temporal transition. For static map comparisons, spatial transitions like 'Looking at the southern section' are more appropriate.
Suggested Rewrites
- demonstrates illustrates
- fewer industrial fewer industrial facilities
- In addition, both maps have unique features, but one more than the other. Delete
- added a new tool on the north of the factory constructed a new road and bridge crossing the river to the north
- on the north to the north
- during the present at present
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response successfully identifies some key changes, such as the addition of housing, a school, and a playground. However, it is severely limited by inaccurate descriptions of the visual data, such as misidentifying a new bridge and road as a 'tool' and claiming the factories were expanded when they were actually demolished. To improve, focus on precise vocabulary for map features and ensure all geographical changes are described accurately according to the map legend.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The candidate attempts to address the task but introduces significant inaccuracies. For example, a new road and bridge crossing the river to the north is described as 'a new tool', and the text incorrectly states that 'the factory was expanded' when in fact all factories are slated for demolition to make way for housing.
Carefully study the map legend and labels. Ensure you describe the actual structures (e.g., housing, bridge, medical centre) rather than guessing or using vague terms like 'tool'.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a summary. However, the overview is repetitive and lacks clarity, and cohesive devices are sometimes used mechanically or inappropriately.
Avoid repetitive overview statements like 'both maps have unique features, but one more than the other'. Instead, write a clear summary of the main trend (e.g., the transformation of an industrial zone into a residential area).
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive. Words like 'features' and 'factory' are overused, and there are inappropriate word choices such as 'fewer industrial' and 'tool' (referring to the bridge/road extension).
Build a vocabulary bank for map tasks, including verbs of change (demolished, replaced, constructed, expanded) and nouns for infrastructure (bridge, roundabout, medical centre).
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response contains several grammatical errors, particularly in sentence structure, preposition usage, and tense consistency (e.g., mixing 'during the present' with past tenses).
Practice using passive voice to describe planned changes (e.g., 'the factories will be replaced by housing') and master prepositions of place (e.g., 'to the north of', 'in the south-west').