You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You spoke to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain the situation - say what action you would like the company to take
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, Two weeks ago I purchased a brand new mobile phone from your shop. I was excited to have purchased it but very disappointed to find that the phone was poorly produced and stopped working within a week of purchase. I have talked to one of your representatives over the phone twice but nothing has been done so far. I am hoping you will replace it immediately. In relation to the specifics of the order, I purchased this mobile phone from your Davidsons Avenue store on September 23rd and it was a cash purchase. The model of the mobile phone is the OnePlus 12R and it comes with a 6.78-inch display, Android 14 (OxygenOS 14) OS, 50 Megapixel camera, 16 GB RAM and a Qualcomm Snapdragon 8 Gen 2 processor. The order number is 25009652 and I am attaching a copy of my receipt.
The issue with the phone is that I am unable to start it even after the phone is fully charged. It is dead and unusable for me. I’m sure this is a manufacturing flaw and I am entitled to get a new phone as a replacement according to the warranty policy. Despite my communication with one of your representatives a week ago, nothing has been done and I seriously doubt the after-sale service you provide. As a solution, and because I really like the functionality and features of this phone, I am hoping that you will agree to replace it with a new one immediately. Otherwise, I would like a full refund and I will be contacting the Bureau of Consumer Protection if I do not hear back from you in regards to this within a week. Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear your reply soon. Yours faithfully, David Miller
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: poorly produced Suggested revision: defective Why it matters: Defective precisely describes a product that stopped working soon after purchase.
- 2. Fix noun phrase Original: 50 Megapixel camera Suggested revision: a 50-megapixel camera Why it matters: The singular count noun needs an article, and the compound modifier should be hyphenated.
- 3. Use correct collocation Original: start it Suggested revision: turn it on Why it matters: Turn it on is the natural expression for activating a phone.
- 4. Fix compound term Original: after-sale service Suggested revision: after-sales service Why it matters: After-sales service is the standard compound expression.
- 5. Fix preposition phrase Original: in regards to this Suggested revision: regarding this matter Why it matters: Regarding is the standard concise form in formal English.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: brand new Suggested revision: new Why it matters: New already conveys that the phone was recently purchased.
- 7. Use formal wording Original: excited to have purchased it Suggested revision: pleased with my purchase Why it matters: This wording is more natural and appropriately formal for a complaint letter.
- 8. Use formal verb Original: have talked to Suggested revision: have spoken to Why it matters: Spoken to is more suitable for formal written correspondence.
- 9. Introduce yourself earlier Suggested revision: State your name and identify yourself as the purchaser immediately after the salutation. Why it matters: This would address the instruction to introduce yourself more explicitly than the closing signature alone.
- 10. Separate purchase details Suggested revision: Keep the opening complaint brief, then group the store, date, model, order number, and receipt details together. Why it matters: A clearer sequence would make this long paragraph easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- poorly produced defective
- 50 Megapixel camera a 50-megapixel camera
- start it turn it on
- after-sale service after-sales service
- in regards to this regarding this matter
- brand new new
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter states the complaint and requested remedy very clearly, supporting both with specific purchase, warranty, and contact details. Its main limitation is excessive length and repetition: technical specifications and repeated references to previous contact dilute an otherwise forceful message, while a few formal collocations are unnatural. The priority is to condense the factual record into one focused paragraph and state the replacement-or-refund deadline once in firm, professional language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose, purchase identity, fault, previous contact, and requested action are all clear and well developed in an appropriately firm tone.
Remove unnecessary hardware specifications and present the preferred replacement and alternative refund more directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The complaint follows a generally logical sequence, but repeated purchase details, previous contact, and replacement requests reduce concision and progression.
Organise the letter into short paragraphs for identification, the fault and prior contact, and the requested resolution and deadline.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of precise consumer, warranty, and technical vocabulary is used, with a few unnatural choices such as poorly produced and after-sale service.
Use idiomatic formal phrases such as manufacturing defect, after-sales service, under the warranty, and with regard to this matter.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences and passive forms are handled with strong control, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Polish article use in the product specifications and replace in regards to with in regard to or regarding.
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
The question will be loaded automatically.