You are going to have a family party in a private room in a hotel. Write a letter to the hotel manager. In your letter say: - why you need to use this private room - what you need them to provide for the party - inquire about the price of the food you are ordering
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am a local resident of Melbourne, writing to inquire about the availability of the private gala in your Rendezvous Hotel Melbourne on 27th November. We will rejoice in our parents' 50th anniversary, a very special occasion for all of us, and have decided to celebrate the event at your hotel's gala. We are expecting approximately 50 guests on the occasion. The ceremony is on 27th November and we are planning a dinner party and would like to rent the venue for the evening. You should be in charge of a buffet dinner for the guests, drinks, decoration and supervision of the event. We would need a projector and a large screen to share some wonderful memories of our parents at the event. Make sure there is an electricity backup. This is a distinctive event for us and we want to make it remarkable. Please inform me if the venue is available on that day and how much it would cost to hire it. Also, specify the menu and drink items in the buffet and their prices including GST. I would appreciate it if you can share your idea of decoration as well. Yours faithfully, Sarah Pauline
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name room correctly Original: private gala Suggested revision: private function room Why it matters: A gala is an event, whereas the letter is enquiring about a room.
- 2. Fix hotel phrase Original: in your Rendezvous Hotel Melbourne Suggested revision: at the Rendezvous Hotel Melbourne Why it matters: Events take place at a hotel, and the named hotel requires the definite article.
- 3. Use celebration verb Original: rejoice in Suggested revision: celebrate Why it matters: Celebrate an anniversary is the natural collocation.
- 4. Refer to the room Original: hotel's gala Suggested revision: hotel's private function room Why it matters: The requested venue is a room, not a gala.
- 5. Fix occasion preposition Original: on the occasion Suggested revision: for the occasion Why it matters: Guests are expected for an occasion rather than on it in this context.
- 6. Use event wording Original: The ceremony is on 27th November Suggested revision: The celebration will be held on 27 November Why it matters: Celebration matches an anniversary dinner more closely than ceremony.
- 7. Use polite request Original: You should be in charge of Suggested revision: Could you provide Why it matters: A polite request is more appropriate than directing the hotel manager.
- 8. Use plural decorations Original: decoration Suggested revision: decorations Why it matters: The list refers to decorative items in general, so the plural is natural.
- 9. Soften direct command Original: Make sure Suggested revision: Could you please ensure Why it matters: The revised form maintains a courteous formal register.
- 10. Use standard facility term Original: an electricity backup Suggested revision: backup power Why it matters: Backup power is the standard expression for an alternative electricity supply.
- 11. Use natural occasion phrase Original: distinctive event Suggested revision: special occasion Why it matters: Special occasion is the natural phrase for an important family anniversary.
- 12. Choose intended adjective Original: make it remarkable Suggested revision: make it memorable Why it matters: Memorable expresses the wish for guests to remember the celebration positively.
Suggested Rewrites
- private gala private function room
- in your Rendezvous Hotel Melbourne at the Rendezvous Hotel Melbourne
- rejoice in celebrate
- hotel's gala hotel's private function room
- on the occasion for the occasion
- The ceremony is on 27th November The celebration will be held on 27 November
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter covers the occasion, requested facilities, and food-price enquiry with relevant, specific detail, and its overall purpose is immediately clear. The main limitation is uneven formal register: direct commands to the manager sound abrupt, while several word choices for the room and celebration are inaccurate. The highest priority is to recast requests as polite enquiries and use precise hotel-event vocabulary throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All required points are covered with useful detail, but several imperative requests weaken the otherwise appropriate formal tone.
Phrase every request politely, especially the staffing, backup power, menu, pricing, and decoration enquiries.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter moves logically from the anniversary and guest numbers to facilities and costs, but the single paragraph and some repetition limit clear grouping.
Create distinct paragraphs for the booking context, requested arrangements, food and price questions, and closing request.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for discussing the event and hotel services, though private gala, rejoice in, electricity backup, and remarkable are imprecise choices.
Use accurate expressions such as private function room, celebrate an anniversary, backup power, and make the occasion memorable.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most sentences are accurate and varied, with a few awkward coordinated structures and minor modal inconsistency in polite requests.
Break up heavily coordinated sentences and use could rather than can after I would appreciate it if in this formal context.
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