You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: - describe the training course you want to do - explain what the company could do to help you - say how the course will be useful for your job
Sample Response
Dear Mr Raynold, I am writing about a training course titled "Importance of Digital Presence for Global Expansion of Business", that was advertised in a daily newspaper on 14th October. I believe it would be helpful for me and hope to get your permission to participate in it. In relation to the specifics of the training, it is a four-day intensive session for brand managers and will be held from 20th to 23rd November. Registration (materials and meals included) fee is $200, and it needs prior booking. Some renowned speakers will conduct the training at the BlueText Seminar Hall, and more than 100 brand managers from different national and multinational companies are expected to participate in it. Since this is a resourceful training session and would be helpful for us to expand our presence to a wider variety of digital channels, I am hoping you would exempt me from my duties for that time and consider reimbursing me for this seminar. I will get back to my normal work from 24th November. It is quite important to take advantage of this opportunity because expanding our digital footprint and social presence for building comprehensive user engagement is the key goal for me this year. This seminar promises to make the participants ready for this challenge. After successful completion of the training, I would be able to put together actionable steps that I can take immediately to start engaging more seriously with our users. Thank you for giving the matter your attention, and I hope to hear from you soon. Yours sincerely, William Brockie
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the comma Original: , that was advertised Suggested revision: that was advertised Why it matters: A comma should not separate the course noun phrase from this defining relative clause.
- 2. Fix the noun phrase Original: Registration (materials and meals included) fee Suggested revision: The registration fee, including materials and meals, Why it matters: The original noun phrase lacks a determiner and places the parenthetical modifier awkwardly.
- 3. Clarify what is required Original: it needs prior booking Suggested revision: advance booking is required Why it matters: The revision gives booking, rather than the fee, a clear and logical role in the clause.
- 4. Fix word choice Original: resourceful training session Suggested revision: valuable training course Why it matters: Resourceful describes people who solve problems well and does not naturally describe a course.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: get back to my normal work from Suggested revision: return to my normal duties on Why it matters: Return to duties on is the appropriate expression for resuming work on a specific date.
- 6. Link to the role Original: helpful for me Suggested revision: useful for my work Why it matters: This wording connects the requested course more directly to its professional purpose.
- 7. Use a direct transition Original: In relation to the specifics of the training Suggested revision: Regarding the course details Why it matters: The shorter transition introduces the practical information more efficiently.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: conduct the training Suggested revision: lead the training Why it matters: Lead is a more natural verb for speakers delivering a training course.
- 9. Add clear paragraphs Suggested revision: Organise the letter into separate paragraphs for the course description, company support requested, job benefits, and closing. Why it matters: The current single block obscures the progression between the three required points.
- 10. Prioritise company benefit Suggested revision: Trim secondary details about the venue and attendee numbers, then give greater prominence to how the training supports your current responsibilities. Why it matters: This would keep the letter focused on the manager's decision and the course's usefulness for the job.
Suggested Rewrites
- , that was advertised that was advertised
- Registration (materials and meals included) fee The registration fee, including materials and meals,
- it needs prior booking advance booking is required
- resourceful training session valuable training course
- get back to my normal work from return to my normal duties on
- helpful for me useful for my work
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter presents a persuasive, detailed request by explaining the course, specifying the support needed, and linking the training convincingly to the writer's responsibilities. The formal tone and complex sentence control are strong. The main improvement is to make several business expressions more idiomatic and to organise the request into clearer paragraphs, which would sharpen an otherwise effective response.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All three requirements are fully addressed with relevant details about the course, the requested leave and reimbursement, and the expected professional benefits.
Make the proposed benefit still more concrete by briefly identifying one company project or measurable outcome to which the training would be applied.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a clear sequence from the course description through the request for support to the workplace benefits, with effective overall progression.
Separate the course details, requested assistance, and job benefits into distinct paragraphs to make the structure more immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a broad professional vocabulary and conveys detailed business ideas clearly, despite several awkward collocations.
Use more natural combinations, replacing phrases such as 'resourceful training session,' 'exempt me from my duties,' and 'make the participants ready'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The letter uses a wide range of complex structures accurately, with only occasional article, punctuation, and phrasing problems.
Review noun phrases and relative-clause punctuation, particularly in the opening sentence and the phrase about the registration fee.