Many people think that employing and exploiting animals for basic human needs is totally justified while others opine that animals should not be exploited by people and they should have the same rights as humans. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Nowadays, the destruction of animals is increasing at very fast pace. This has sparked a heated debate. Some people contend to use animals and consider their rights but others had a notion of utilising them for their personal benefits. This essay would discuss the both the sides of the issue.
On one side, individuals should consider the rights of animals. Animals are also one of the living creatures on this planet and have right to live freely. They do have the feelings and understanding of the relationships. For example, dogs are considered to be loyal towards his owners and even sometimes sacrifices their life for the sake of protecting their owners’ life. Thus hurting them means creating curse for ourselves.
On contrary part, animals can provide the regardless benefits to economy and society of a country. Many people do a business in the field of dairy farming, poultry farming, making the shoes, bags from the skin of animals,meat industry and make good profits. Furthermore, animals are also involved in the sports these days. For instance horse riding and bull fighting are very common at present. As a consequence, all these contributing to the growth of the economy and satisfying the needs of human race.
To put it in a nutshell, although human cannot think about their progress without animals but the distortion of living creatures seems inhuman. In my opinion, animals provide us unlimited resources without any cost. So we should utilise them in control way and restrict the killing. Ultimately, for the sake of humanity and get the valuable products for a longer time we must provide them healthy and secure life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add missing article Original: at very fast pace Suggested revision: at a very fast pace Why it matters: The singular countable noun pace requires an article.
- 2. Use present tense Original: had a notion Suggested revision: hold the view Why it matters: The essay describes a current opinion, so the present tense is required.
- 3. Use singular expression Original: their personal benefits Suggested revision: their personal benefit Why it matters: For their personal benefit is the standard expression in this context.
- 4. Remove extra articles Original: the both the sides Suggested revision: both sides Why it matters: Both already determines the plural noun, so the articles are unnecessary.
- 5. Fix category statement Original: one of the living creatures Suggested revision: living creatures Why it matters: The subject animals is plural and refers to the category generally, not one member.
- 6. Add definite article Original: have right Suggested revision: have the right Why it matters: The fixed expression is have the right to do something.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: the feelings Suggested revision: feelings Why it matters: Feelings is used generally here and does not require the definite article.
- 8. Correct noun phrase Original: understanding of the relationships Suggested revision: an understanding of relationships Why it matters: Understanding needs an article, while relationships is used in a general sense.
- 9. Match plural dogs Original: his owners Suggested revision: their owners Why it matters: The possessive pronoun must agree with the plural noun dogs.
- 10. Fix number agreement Original: sacrifices their life Suggested revision: sacrifice their lives Why it matters: Both the verb and the possessed noun must agree with the plural subject dogs.
- 11. Use natural expression Original: creating curse Suggested revision: bringing a curse Why it matters: Bringing a curse is the natural collocation for the intended consequence.
- 12. Correct contrast marker Original: On contrary part Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The original phrase is not a grammatical transition between opposing views.
Suggested Rewrites
- at very fast pace at a very fast pace
- had a notion hold the view
- their personal benefits their personal benefit
- the both the sides both sides
- one of the living creatures living creatures
- have right have the right
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both positions and reaches a clear, qualified opinion in favour of controlled animal use, with relevant examples from companionship, farming, manufacturing, and sport. Its main limitation is that several ideas are asserted briefly or expressed imprecisely, while frequent grammar and collocation errors reduce fluency. The strongest improvement would be to develop each view more critically and support the final position with clearer ethical reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed and a relevant personal position is given, though the arguments remain somewhat general and the conclusion's reasoning is only partly developed.
Clarify the ethical conditions under which animal use is acceptable and explain why those conditions justify the final position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure supports a clear overall progression, but some linking is mechanical and several sentences connect ideas awkwardly.
Use precise topic sentences and logical reference words instead of formulaic transitions such as on one side and on contrary part.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss rights, industries, and economic benefits, but recurring word-choice and collocation errors reduce accuracy.
Learn and use natural combinations such as animal welfare, economic benefits, controlled use, and protect animals from harm.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied structures, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, verb forms, and sentence construction are noticeable throughout.
Edit each sentence for a complete subject-verb structure, then check plural agreement and article use before adding complexity.