Some people think that technological development decreases crime in society while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The impact of technological development on crime is a topic of hot debate. While some argue that advancements in technology reduce crime by improving security measures and law enforcement capabilities, others believe that technology, in fact, provides new opportunities for criminal activity. In my opinion, although technology has contributed to certain types of crime, its overall effect has been to reduce criminal activity by enhancing detection and prevention mechanisms.
Those who argue that technology encourages crime often point to the rise of cybercrime, such as hacking, identity theft, and online fraud. The widespread use of digital platforms and the internet has provided criminals with new avenues to exploit vulnerable individuals and systems. For example, phishing schemes and ransomware attacks have become increasingly common as people conduct more of their financial and personal transactions online. Additionally, some argue that criminals can now use technology to evade law enforcement, making it harder to track their activities.
However, I strongly believe that technology has had a more positive influence on reducing crime. Advancements such as surveillance cameras, biometric identification, and artificial intelligence have significantly improved the ability of law enforcement agencies to monitor and prevent criminal behaviour. For instance, CCTV cameras have been instrumental in deterring street crimes and assisting in solving cases by providing critical evidence. Moreover, data analytics and advanced forensic tools have enhanced investigative techniques, making it easier to track down criminals and bring them to justice. These technological improvements have created a safer society by reducing crime rates in many urban areas.
In conclusion, while technology has opened up new forms of criminal activity, particularly in the digital realm, its overall effect on society has been to reduce crime.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Refine debate phrase Original: a topic of hot debate Suggested revision: a highly debated issue Why it matters: The revision is more natural and suitably formal.
- 2. Use concise term Original: advancements in technology Suggested revision: technological advances Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 3. Remove needless interruption Original: technology, in fact, provides Suggested revision: technology provides Why it matters: Removing the parenthetical phrase makes the contrast flow more smoothly.
- 4. Vary crime wording Original: certain types of crime Suggested revision: certain forms of crime Why it matters: ‘Forms of crime’ is a concise alternative that avoids repeating ‘types’.
- 5. Use precise collocation Original: detection and prevention mechanisms Suggested revision: crime-detection and prevention measures Why it matters: The revision specifies what is detected and uses the more natural noun ‘measures’.
- 6. Use concise reporting verb Original: point to the rise of cybercrime Suggested revision: cite the rise of cybercrime Why it matters: ‘Cite’ expresses the use of cybercrime as evidence more concisely.
- 7. Prefer plain wording Original: new avenues to exploit Suggested revision: new ways to exploit Why it matters: The simpler phrase is clearer without changing the claim.
- 8. Clarify the group Original: Additionally, some argue that Suggested revision: Furthermore, critics argue that Why it matters: Naming the group makes the reference clearer while maintaining the progression.
- 9. Clarify result clause Original: making it harder to track their activities Suggested revision: which makes their activities harder to track Why it matters: The finite relative clause attaches the result more explicitly to the preceding claim.
- 10. Improve influence phrase Original: a more positive influence on reducing crime Suggested revision: a greater positive effect on crime reduction Why it matters: The revision uses a more natural comparative collocation.
- 11. Reorder supporting details Suggested revision: Place the technology-enabled evasion point immediately after the new-avenues claim, then present phishing and ransomware as the supporting example. Why it matters: This order would keep the two general claims together before the specific illustration.
- 12. Group enforcement functions Suggested revision: Group surveillance and biometric identification with monitoring, then present data analytics and forensic tools as the separate investigation function. Why it matters: Separating monitoring from investigation would make the paragraph’s internal structure clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- a topic of hot debate a highly debated issue
- advancements in technology technological advances
- technology, in fact, provides technology provides
- certain types of crime certain forms of crime
- detection and prevention mechanisms crime-detection and prevention measures
- point to the rise of cybercrime cite the rise of cybercrime
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly addresses both perspectives, maintains a clear opinion, and develops each side with relevant, well-selected examples in a concise and logically ordered argument. Language is consistently precise and controlled; the main limitation is that the positive-side claim about reduced urban crime rates is asserted rather than substantiated, so the best refinement would be to explain the causal comparison more carefully and acknowledge the scope of the evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, the position remains clear throughout, and the main ideas are relevant and well developed.
Qualify or support the broad claim that technology has reduced urban crime rates so the final comparison rests on demonstrated evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced logically in focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the contrast without distracting from the argument.
Make the transition from individual security technologies to the broader claim about a safer society slightly more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range of crime, technology, and law-enforcement vocabulary is used naturally with strong collocational control.
Vary the repeated wording around reducing crime and technological advancements to make an already strong lexical range still more flexible.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide variety of complex structures accurately, with consistently clear punctuation and sentence control.
For further refinement, vary the openings of complex sentences while preserving the current high level of grammatical accuracy.