It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
People have various opinions regarding what truly makes a person a good performer or a talented individual. Some people contend that the talent is a natural gift, whilst others, including myself, have a different opinion since we believe that any person can become an excellent achiever by guidance, dedication and hard work. On the one hand, it is believed that some people are gifted and they naturally master musical instruments or sports as if they had been taught for years. For instance, my son, who is a big fan of football, was admitted to a higher level on his first training session because he could easily perform all the required skills of the previous levels. Had he been trained earlier, he would have joined the club official team.. Therefore, it can be deduced that some people are more talented than others. On the other hand, it can be argued that some people have a passion for a certain leisure activity and it is beneficial that educational institutions and family members exert effort to realize this. An example for this is a questionnaire administered to an American elementary school where the results revealed that around 75% of the students master playing different musical devices after rigorous training by their music teachers. Accordingly, it can be argued that hobbies can be taught as well as being a natural talent. Having manifested the aforementioned points of view and examples, it can be recapitulated that people can either learn to play music or sports, or they can be naturally talented. However, in my humble opinion, both cases should receive guided training, encouragement and an appropriate environment to perform efficiently. It is recommended that the governments should invest more to add extra skills to the students apart from education.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. General noun use Original: the talent is a natural gift Suggested revision: talent is a natural gift Why it matters: Talent is used generally here, so the article is unnecessary.
- 2. Preposition pattern Original: by guidance, dedication and hard work Suggested revision: through guidance, dedication and hard work Why it matters: Through is more natural for the means by which someone develops.
- 3. Sport training phrase Original: admitted to a higher level Suggested revision: placed in a higher level Why it matters: Placed is more natural for assigning someone to a training level.
- 4. Double period Original: club official team.. Suggested revision: club's official team. Why it matters: Use one full stop and add the possessive form.
- 5. Wrong noun Original: musical devices Suggested revision: musical instruments Why it matters: Instruments, not devices, is the correct word for music.
- 6. Unnatural transition Original: Having manifested Suggested revision: Having considered Why it matters: Manifested is not natural for presenting arguments.
- 7. Avoid formulaic phrase Original: in my humble opinion Suggested revision: in my opinion Why it matters: Humble is unnecessary and sounds memorised in an academic essay.
- 8. Article use Original: the governments should invest Suggested revision: governments should invest Why it matters: Governments is used generally, so the article is not needed.
- 9. Balanced thesis Original: Some people contend that the talent is a natural gift, whilst others, including myself, have a different opinion since we believe that any person can become an excellent achiever by guidance, dedication and hard work. Suggested revision: Some people argue that talent is innate, whereas I believe that most children can become strong performers through guidance, dedication and hard work. Why it matters: This keeps the contrast and states your position more cleanly.
- 10. Punctuation and possessive Original: Had he been trained earlier, he would have joined the club official team.. Suggested revision: Had he been trained earlier, he might have joined the club's official team. Why it matters: The sentence needs one full stop and a more cautious modal.
- 11. Clarify claim Original: Accordingly, it can be argued that hobbies can be taught as well as being a natural talent. Suggested revision: Accordingly, performance skills can be taught, even when some children begin with more natural ability than others. Why it matters: The original confuses hobbies with skills and needs a clearer comparison.
- 12. Simplify conclusion Original: Having manifested the aforementioned points of view and examples, it can be recapitulated that people can either learn to play music or sports, or they can be naturally talented. Suggested revision: In conclusion, both natural ability and training can help a child become successful in music or sport. Why it matters: The original transition is unnecessarily complex and less natural.
Suggested Rewrites
- the talent is a natural gift talent is a natural gift
- by guidance, dedication and hard work through guidance, dedication and hard work
- admitted to a higher level placed in a higher level
- club official team.. club's official team.
- musical devices musical instruments
- Having manifested Having considered
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer gives a relevant opinion. The response would score higher with deeper explanation of how training interacts with natural ability.
Develop the final opinion into a clear judgement, for example that talent gives an advantage but training determines long-term success.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part structure and uses comparison effectively. Some links are formulaic and the final recommendation feels only loosely connected.
Use the conclusion to synthesise the two views rather than adding a new government recommendation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally flexible, with words such as dedication, rigorous, and naturally talented. A few collocations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Check collocations around sports, music, and education, especially performer, musical instruments, and school subjects.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly controlled with some effective complex forms. Errors in punctuation, articles, and word choice still appear.
Proofread for article use and punctuation, especially double punctuation and long clauses after because/since.